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thanks so much for giving of yourselves,sharing with me your heartaches,I feel better knowing Im not alone.
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07-10-2008 05:27 PM
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Luvcub, I feel so badly for you hon. I can feel the pain in your written words and it concerns me. You really shouldn't feel like you have to hide your emotions from your family. They are the ones who can probably help you the most. I completely understand you not wanting to upset the children, but your Daughter, give her a chance to help you. She knows as much as anyone how you must be feeling. Please consider talking to her about your feelings, it is not good at all for you to hold all of this in.
As far as you feeling silly for mourning a SIL, I applaud you for being the Mom who opened up her heart as you did to him. We need more MIL's like you in the world! I guarantee that a lot of marriages would have been saved with a strong family unit like yours.
Also, from here on out...you have to stop thinking about what could have been, what you feel the kids have missed out on or what seems lost. It is pointless and only causes you more grief. Your mindset needs to reposition and think about things like your role in the lives of the children he created, the precious memories you had while he was alive. It's time to set yourself free from this hell you are trapped in. Reach forward and embrace new memories that are yet to come. Your Grandchildren need you to do that and you need to do that for yourself.
Please talk to you Daughter
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The Following User Says Thank You to andreame70 For This Useful Post:
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awww tyvm hon,I need bucket load of kleenex,my daughter refuses to talk about him unless she is upset,but I think she knows when my eyes are blood shot whats up. All I can do is celebrate what is left behind,and give him thanks for the blessings he gave to our family. This only effects me,almost like a missle coming at me from behind,it will stay hidden,then sneak attack me when Im not expecting it. All of you that has posted to my cry out has helped me today,without all of you,Id be in bad shape,thanks to e1 for lifting some of the pain.
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whoever said time heals all wounds sure had it wrong (sometimes) I lost my dad when I was 4 1/2 months preggers with my oldest child, the pain of knowing my children will never meet him never goes away.
Mom I miss you already
January 16, 1940 to April 29, 2009
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The Following User Says Thank You to PrincessArky For This Useful Post:
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It's not stupid at all to feel that way over a SIL. I know for an absolute fact that if my husband were to die, part of my mother would die with him. She loves him just as much as she loves my siblings and me. I'm so sorry you've had to go through this. The pain will probably never go away, but it lessens. I lost my father 10 years ago and while day-to-day life is usually fine, I do go through spells where the pain feels unbearable and it hurts just as much as the day he died. It is especially hard during milestones (i.e. A v e r y's 4th birthday yesterday where I'm sure he'd have been here to help us celebrate, or when I got married and he wasn't there to walk me down the aisle) because there's so much he's missing and so much we're missing as well by not having him here with us.
Hang in there. You're not alone in those feelings. Just try to take it one day at a time. Someday you'll have the strength to go to his grave, but don't push yourself. Sometimes I can, and sometimes I can't. For Father's Day this year, I just couldn't bring myself to visit. Sometimes it's just too hard.
((HUGS))
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The Following User Says Thank You to JKATHERINE For This Useful Post:
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Thanks for all the understanding,it means so very much to me!
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You are such a wonderful caring grandma.
Rudeness is the weak person's imitation of strength.
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The Following User Says Thank You to dv8grl For This Useful Post:
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I try to be,but those kids can be a handfull,makes me love them that much more. Thanks hon!
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My heart just breaks for you and the pain you are going through. My best friend's younger brother shot himself, in her bedroom, no less. She died last year and until her dying day, she still grieved over the loss. I can tell you that the remaining family still is suffering from this selfish act that was committed over 30 years ago. I think that those who do this haven't a clue on what a suicide does to those who are left behind.
Your pain is certainly warrented and definitely understandable. All I can say is that you need to allow yourself to grieve or you may never get pass this. Holding in all the pain can't possibly help you. If you need to go off by yourself and cry, scream, pound on some walls, then you definitely need to take the time to do this. Not only will it help your own sanity, but it will make you better able to deal with this pain around your grandchildren and your daughter.
My prayers are with you all!
Never argue with an idiot. It will bring you down to his level and he’ll win because of experience.
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The Following User Says Thank You to Kelsey1224 For This Useful Post:
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tysvm,I know the grief is going to come out,hope its in a dignified way. This post really has helped me alot,all the caring and understanding people.
hugs to you!
Angel
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I am so sorry for your loss and can't even imagine the pain you're in. Have you considered seeing a grief counselor? I find it very helpful to be able to talk to someone who isn't emotionally involved with me. I can say just anything that I'm feeling and I never feel silly for feeling my feelings. Good luck and God bless.
What Goes Around, Comes Around
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The Following User Says Thank You to baragabrat For This Useful Post:
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