Thread: need advice on son who is kinda whimpy

Bless you Chelle. Right now I dont need harsh words as I am going thru enough torment on my own with this so kind words are appreciated.

Lilpetie, I just glanced over this thread...but from what I have read I think it's great that you love your son enough to be worried about this. I understand where your coming from. If your like me it doesn't matter to you how your child is. But you have to try and prepare them for whats out there....and if you don't if will just make it harder on him. It's not a matter of molding him into what you want him to be...it's a matter of trying to make sure you do your best to prepare him for what he has to face in the future.

I use to worry about mine all the time to when he was little because his dad worked all the time and never felt like doing guy stuff with him. So I was the one that did the wrestling and things like that with him. My dad and uncle luckily do allot with my son like hunting, fishing and sports.

One thing I do recall about my son when he was growing up is that he started getting more rough & tough was when I stopped letting him watch TV when he got in from school. He could go outside and play or either do homework, but NO TV! I don't know why but that is when my son really started acting more like the boys I remember growing up.

I think that he has the right to be who he is without being called whimpy, you need to let him live his own life, encourage him all that you can but don't press your beliefs of what he should be like on him. Also, sounds like suicide is a VERY real concern, he needs to talk to a trained professional, sounds like depression or if not another problem, you mentioned ADD.

Ok I am going to say this again. I AM NOT FORCING THIS ON MY CHILD...... He is the one that loves sports and WANTS to play. I have told him over and over again that if he doesnt want to do something he doesnt have to no matter what anyone thinks or what else the kids are involved in. I encourage him to do WHATEVER he wants to do.
As for forcing MY BELIEFS on him. I do NOT force decisions of any kind or beliefs. I am NOT trying to mold him into what I want because lets face it I have never been a Big Sports fan. I was raised with mostly women in our family and ended up being a tomboy but got out of that stage. He is the one that comes to me and says Mom can I sign up for this or that.
So I let him. But lets face it. He is going to have to learn how to take constructive criticism in everything in life. If I ever saw someone or any child being purposely mean to my child I would let them have it. But I cant be there 24/7. He needs to learn how to intelligently deal with everyday life.
As for the 2nd grader that hit him. I was soooooo angry at that boy that did it.. I ask him why he didnt defend himself (since he has been hit before) He said I will get into trouble. I told him you warn people once and if they go to hit you again let them have it. They will respect you and think twice the next time. ALL I could think of was the movie The Christmas Story with Ralphie going off from years of being picked on.
So again this is the last time I am going to say this. I AM NOT PUSHING FORCING OR MOLDING my son into what I want him to be. I love the sensitive side. He is soooooo caring to others. But he has got to learn that life is tough and you get mowed over unless you speak up.
As for the suicide thing. That was completely a shock and believe me I am on top of it. I have made an appt for him (and I ) to see a therapist at our local church and if they see anything I will take this further. This child is my miracle baby. and my only. I live for him and my world revolves around him 24/7 and I wouldnt have it any other way. I just want for him like most any other mother would and that is to grow healthy and happy and be the best at whatever he chooses. I appreciate most of your comments even the ones that offered some sound advice. I did not appreciate the ones that attacked me as a bad mother tho.. But then again I consider the source

Your son sounds a lot like my son was when he was young. He got picked on a lot and wouldn't fight back because he was bigger than most of the kids. When he was in the 5th grade he came home with his knuckles bloodied. They were at recess and some kid was leaning against the wall and was picking on him, Jason punched the wall right beside the other kid's head. He got his point across, he didn't get in trouble because he didn't actually hit anyone, and most importantly, he quit taking crap off other kids.

I think as parents we try to teach our kids not to fight without realizing there are times when they have to stand up for themselves.
My first instinct was always to take care of anything that happened, things didn't improve until I backed off and he learned to stand up for himself.

Our kids aren't always going to be the best at what they choose to do, I don't really think it matters if they are or not, only that they made the effort and tried.

Originally posted by Lilpetie
OK SUZ* E*

I think somewhere in this post you have gotten your wires crossed. You obviously dont know me or my son. I totally am devoted to my son. My entire life revolves around him and always will. As for backing off what do I do sit around and let the world and all its cruelty chew him up and spit him out. Lets face it kids can be mean and life isnt fair is it????? He needs some motivation and encouragement. He does get this from his mother each and every day. He needs to learn that he has choices and can defend himself. He also needs to know that he has to sometime push himself to the fullest. I also know this as it came from a teacher that is a god send and very qualified to make those statement. She said he just hasnt found his motivation yet.
As for pushing him to be something that I WANT AND NOT HIM AND MOLDING HIM INTO WHAT I WANT HIM TO BE LIKE> COMPARING etc etc etc. You will not sit there and tell me that every mother sits and observes other children to see if they are "growing" like others )mentally and physically) I am a nurse and I see it all the time therefore how would we know the norm. I also have worked in a psych unit so I feel I have alot of skills that I can see the triggers. I did take him very seriously when he said that statement. And I know for a fact that it was an attention getter. That is what they teach you in psych classes. That most who say this want attention. believe me I am on top of this. That is why I told him I dont ever want to hear that again. But NOOOOOOO I didnt tell you the entire conversation that went on. I ask him at great lengths why he feels this way, what is bothering him etc etc etc. He loves his mommy and we do have a great open communication line. He has never and I repeat never said anything even remotely like that.
Please remember he WANTS TO PLAY AT SPORTS. Personally I would be grateful if he didnt but thats his choice. He wants to be part of it all. I applaud him for going at it. It tears me up to see him not fit in "as he puts it" but he keeps going back. So please see that I am on top of this and also your comment about not being intelligent really offended me. Thank you

As far as considering the "source" WTF do you know about "the source"?? the only source you need to consider is the source of your son's problems. I bet you can find them in your mirror judging by your reaction to any little thing you dont approve of.

?!?!? OKKKKKKK LILPETIE, WTF??? Is up with this yelling?? You asked for advice, I gave it. Read my signature, it is about suicide. It has been on here since I joined. Something I am passionate about.

To just think that'd you'd even allow yourself to waste time yacking at me over bullcrap shows me that you are more intersted in that than finding a solution, or addressing the quite serious nature of your son's issues.

Different people have different ways of communicating, unlike your son I will not aplogize that you cannot accept me or the way I type or anything else about me. I am me, and who cares what you think? I wish your son would figure that out!

What do you REALLY want? Help just as long as it is what you want to hear? Is that the way you handle your son? Maybe that is why you are hear asking for help. You want things your way, me to type how you like, or whatever.

I made this post in hopes of helping your son, you dont want help you want me to coddle your ways of doin things and make you think what you think is right, well if it was you wouldnt be here asking for help would you?

If you know it all you would already know how to handle this, wouldn't you?

A normal mom would appreciate me speaking for her son. Instead of consoling momma. Who is this post really for? You or him?

If you being his mother want to piss away good advice and focus on mindless nit-pickin with me. I think that is more telling about your priorities than anything else you post.

I for one am not typing another word in this post and contributing to you becoming distracted from helping your son.

As for my original advice I stand by it, and make no apologies for it.

To Chelle, I thought you were not coming back after someone posted the other day exposing your supposed talk trash about BBS site? Was it untrue?

Until I know, I cannot really tell if you thinking I was too harsh was just to stir up stuff here for you to talk about over there, or you meant it?

Deosn't matter, I am offically outta this thread. UGH