Thread: need advice on son who is kinda whimpy

My son has never known his Biological "sperm donor" (only way to approach the jerk with a decent term LOL) He knows his father has never been around and has seen his pic and I always tell him positive things not negative about him (although it is hard). My hubby and I have been together for 7 years and this is the only father he has ever known. He is military. National Guard and son thinks this is the coolest thing. Wants to join when he grows up. But seriously doubt he will make it sense he has asthma. (according to hubby if the recruiter knows you have this they wont enlist you).
Anyway back to subject. Depression is a funny thing. I should know I have been on meds since my bout with cancer 9 yrs ago. Made a difference. He mostly seems like a happy kid. Loves everyone. Cant stand when people pick on anyone. Loves animals. SO polite and everyone comments on how polite he is and "never any trouble" . He is a beautiful child. Dark eyelashes, dark hair and brown eyes. All the older women I know say OH MY you are in for some trouble when he gets older he is gorgeous. They even suggested modeling cause of his looks. I approached him with this and he said MOM that is for girls LOL. He has no interest in girls right now he says they are too much trouble even tho most of the boys in 5th grade seem to be "girl crazy" But this doesnt bother him. He says I have too much I wanna do and girls are a pain in the butt. LOL....... He loves science and school in general. Loves Sunday school also. As for not worrying that this sensitivity is a part of him. I do and you would too. It is tearing HIM apart. He hates the fact that he isnt "as good" as the other boys his age. He cries when we get home from games. He says mom I try as hard as I can and I still dont know why I cant run like them or I never get the ball. ETC ETC ETC....He has never had other kids to play with and toughen him up so I suppose this has alot to do with it. I have even suggested getting a paying an older boy to come out and work with him. I would even sign up for Big Brother but he has a dad. But he wont teach him crap and that is a REAL BIG ISSUE with us. He says its because son gets mad and yells I know I know and thinks he knows everything. I have even told hubby this child is more important to me than you and if you dont shape up you are gone. He spends very little time with him and its usually nagging him about chores etc. But son loves him to death. I truly think family counceling is the answer here so I guess writing this all down made up my mind. Thank you all for the replies it helps.

I has similar problems as a kid, everyone thought I should be great at basketball because I was tall.....well, I sucked at most sports.
I always worried about DS because he was a big kid (tall and big).He was in the school choir and involved in lots of academic things, but he never really showed much of an interest in sports until his freshman year of HS. The football coach asked him to play so he did, he did great, but most of the other kids had played Little Leauge football and Jason hadn't, so he had catching up to do.

It sounds like he has low self-esteem. I agree counseling sounds like a great idea for him.

DS had a friend in HS who is now a Karate instructor. He says martial arts classes are great for building sel-esteem in kids, so you may want to consider Tia Kwon Doe classes for him.

I'd also recommend boy scouts if there's a troop in your area. Of all the things Jason did, I think he enjoyed scouts the most, his first job was a summer camp counselor for scouts.

Originally posted by *chelle*
My son took Karate classes to learn how to defend himself.
I also have taught both of my kids that if someone hits them
they have the right to defend themselves and they do.
But i was picked on as a child and i had to learn not to
be anyones punching bag.

Hugs for your son

Excellent advice, but do not do it because you think he is lacking as a person, but because you think it will enhance his life, and enjoy the skills Karate brings. If he doesn't like it, let him stop classes without making him feel like a failure AGAIN as what it seems like everyone is makin him feel like.

People are different and all like different stuff. ASK HIM WHAT HE MIGHT LIKE, MAYBE HE JUST WANTS TO BE LEFT ALONE FOR A WHILE BEFORE YOU SHOVE HIM INTO SOMETHING ELSE HE NEEDS TIME TO HEAL FROM FEELING LIKE A LOSER BECAUSE EVERYONE IS ALWAYS TRYING TO CHANGE HIM.

Nothing is wrong with being a gentle spirit, he may not have any agressive tendencies when he is hit. That is admirable. Even GOD turned the other cheek. Perhaps we could learn from him.

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OK SUZ* E*

I think somewhere in this post you have gotten your wires crossed. You obviously dont know me or my son. I totally am devoted to my son. My entire life revolves around him and always will. As for backing off what do I do sit around and let the world and all its cruelty chew him up and spit him out. Lets face it kids can be mean and life isnt fair is it????? He needs some motivation and encouragement. He does get this from his mother each and every day. He needs to learn that he has choices and can defend himself. He also needs to know that he has to sometime push himself to the fullest. I also know this as it came from a teacher that is a god send and very qualified to make those statement. She said he just hasnt found his motivation yet.
As for pushing him to be something that I WANT AND NOT HIM AND MOLDING HIM INTO WHAT I WANT HIM TO BE LIKE> COMPARING etc etc etc. You will not sit there and tell me that every mother sits and observes other children to see if they are "growing" like others )mentally and physically) I am a nurse and I see it all the time therefore how would we know the norm. I also have worked in a psych unit so I feel I have alot of skills that I can see the triggers. I did take him very seriously when he said that statement. And I know for a fact that it was an attention getter. That is what they teach you in psych classes. That most who say this want attention. believe me I am on top of this. That is why I told him I dont ever want to hear that again. But NOOOOOOO I didnt tell you the entire conversation that went on. I ask him at great lengths why he feels this way, what is bothering him etc etc etc. He loves his mommy and we do have a great open communication line. He has never and I repeat never said anything even remotely like that.
Please remember he WANTS TO PLAY AT SPORTS. Personally I would be grateful if he didnt but thats his choice. He wants to be part of it all. I applaud him for going at it. It tears me up to see him not fit in "as he puts it" but he keeps going back. So please see that I am on top of this and also your comment about not being intelligent really offended me. Thank you