Thread: With Fifty Shades of Abuse, I mean of Grey coming out, here is a funny book review of it

....

Originally Posted by 3lilpigs

Are you missing something from post #9??

Like the list of #1-21??

It’s old news that 50 Shades of Grey is hitting theaters on Valentine’s Day. My social media news feeds are crowded with comments from gushing housewives who can’t wait to shove malt balls into their mouths while observing some douche nugget named Christian Grey tie up a young idiot and do things to her that probably deem an ER visit, Clorox bath and emotional counseling.

I have numerous reasons as to why I’m not a fan of 50 Shades -the first one being that when I attempted to read it, I was so disgusted at the poor writing within the first chapter that I requested a refund from Amazon and deleted it from my Kindle. Seriously, I’ve read better stuff on Taco Bell sauce packets.

Although I find the story to be putrid for numerous reasons, I know I'm in the minority. Millions of people across the country were enthralled with the books, and I won’t bash anyone who has already pre-ordered movie tickets or believes it to be the greatest love saga since Pretty Woman. Hey, it’s your thing. Do what you want to do.

However, I can think of fifty other things that I would rather do than watch poorly-written porn and hear the gooftastic phrase, “Oh my” muttered numerous times on the big screen.

1. Watch a Caillou marathon.
2. Rip off my toenails with pliers.
3. Listen to an audio version of War and Peace narrated by Fran Drescher.
4. Grow out my armpit hair and dye it in a fuchsia chevron pattern to match my palazzo pants.
5. Listen to the Frozen soundtrack on repeat for twelve days.
6. Place aluminum foil on my amalgam fillings.
7. Bathe in dog shit.
8. Pluck my eyelashes with rusted tweezers.
9. Pay someone to run over my foot with a forklift.
10. Eat my weight in refried beans then ride a roller coaster.
11. Let my toddler cut my hair with zigzag scissors.
12. Clean a gas station toilet with my toothbrush.
13. Take Dulcolax with Lunesta.
14. Accept invitations to play Facebook games.
15. Drink a Yoohoo and ketchup smoothie.
16. Ask Charles Manson to be my life coach.
17. Fold a king-sized fitted sheet.
18. Douse myself in honey and sacrifice myself to a bear.
19. Take part in a pyramid scheme.
20. Watch Space Jam.
21. Replace my Visine with onion juice.

The always lovable Ellen DeGeneres has concocted a version of Cinderella that's definitely not one for the kids: a Fifty Shades parody. To be honest, it looks better than the real Fifty Shades of Grey movie, but that doesn't mean I don't regret having put that image in my brain.

What should have happened ...

http://img.ifcdn.com/videos/acb2c116...331e564b_1.mp4