Thread: What would you do.......

Okay its NO secret I don't have kids. I have two Nephews. And one (Dakota) just turned 16 in March. Okay so here is the story. The lived in a town and went to school where I did as a teenager (and my brother) for a couple of years.
They had lived in Perry before that. They moved to where they could go to my school and The boys REALLY loved it there. Its a smaller school etc.
Anyway my brother said they ran into problems with the house they were buying because they were paying the mortagage and the guy had told them he would sign over the house when it was paid off. HE lied. We told him to get that in writing. But thats another story for a different day. lol
So last fall Dakota kept saying Aunt Lori I don't want to go back to Perry. I didn't understand why he was so adamant about it. I knew they really liked where they were. Okay fast forward to Christmas Dakota was not himself. He was withdrawn. He didn't come want his hugs from me or pester me. Even at that age he always did that. We have a bond.
So then a couple weeks ago my brother calls and says Kota ran away and wants to know if My dh has seen him in the town he works. We did some calling and find out where he staying. He gets brought home by the police the next day because my brother had put out and Amber Alert on him.
So then during the week (it was a busy one) he borrows a car from a girl and it supposed to bring it back after school. He doesn't get back on time. The girls mother calls the police. It turns out the girl took the car from her mom WITHOUT permission in the first place. The come to find out Dakota had been to a party and was drinking. The party got raided and the guy had drugs in HIS house. So I guess Kota got busted by association.
But here is what is making us all soooo Mad at my brother. You can tell Kota needs counseling!! He has had a VERY, VERY troubled childhood. We think when he was living with his mom (he was little, can't recall age when he finally got taken away from her) he was molested. Plus she would go into the basement and do drugs and leave the boys to fend for themselves for litterally hours.
Plus my own brother has not given them the best life. He has moved them from house to house, town to town. Woman to Woman when they were younger.
I finally got to thinking It might very well be the guy who is my brothers ex BIL that could be molesting kota or COULD have at some point. And that is who they moved back into with in Perry.
Because My dh and I have heard Rumors about him. I don't know his REAL last name. When he married my SiL sister he took her last name! Wierd right?
So here is my problem: My brother just wants to throw my nephew under the bus!! I believe in tough love. NO doubt. But I think he is DESPEATE need of counseling. ANd they are on title 19 and can get it for free. My brother keeps saying his court dates will be soon so its out of my hands. I say you can fight those charges and if he's in couseling it will look sooo much better!
I think Kota is doing alot of this for attention. I just wish I would have listened when he kept telling me he didn't want to move. I knew in my gut there was something going on.
But I don't know what to do know??
Because Legally there isn't much I can do.

Jesus, I'm sorry.
It does indeed sound like this boy was molested or something. If he is that adamant that he doesn't want to move back, something had to have happened.
Are you in a posistion to offer to have the boy live with you? If the father has his head so far up his ass (sorry) that he can't see his son needs help then I doubt there is anything you can really do besides offer to have him live with you.

Again..I'm sorry

Originally Posted by April78945

Jesus, I'm sorry.
It does indeed sound like this boy was molested or something. If he is that adamant that he doesn't want to move back, something had to have happened.
Are you in a posistion to offer to have the boy live with you? If the father has his head so far up his ass (sorry) that he can't see his son needs help then I doubt there is anything you can really do besides offer to have him live with you.

Again..I'm sorry

Dh and I have talked about that. ANd trouble with that is he would have to go to school where he ran away to and knows the people he got into trouble with.
so for the summer it might not be a problem but come again school time....
What pisses me off my brother seems to forget what a pain in the ass trouble maker he was a teenager. He got into all kinds of trouble..illegal and financial. I had to bail him out of the financial. Well him and my mom. He had my mom co-sign for a car. He could no longer afford and neither could my mom so I took over and took the car. I was only 16. But even then was way more responsible. My mom wants me to take Kota. But she says the same thing he would have to go to school where he knows the kids he ran away to. etc.
What I feel bad about is years ago my dh and I talked about getting the kids. Boy I wish we had now.

I don't have any advice but I can offer you a hug

HUGS!!!

It does sound like Dakota is "asking" for help by his actions. Maybe if you guys could take him in and get him some counseling that would help? I dont know about the school though! My heart goes out to you guys!!!

The boy is old enough to choose who he wants to live with. I dont know about where you live, but here in OK if the kid is 17 he can live by himself if he wants as long as he doesnt get into any legal trouble. I would see about getting the boy, put him in some counseling and tough love. IF he wants to live with you that is. Maybe with some family that gives a S*** about him, some counseling, and some firm rules with consequences he will settle down. as for the school, maybe he can homeschool, get his GED or maybe with all the love and support from you he will stay away from that crowd.

If you cant get him for whatever reason, there really isnt much you can do but watch it play out. Good luck and prayers are with you Kota

I would be glad I didn't have kids.

TBQH It's all well and good that you think he needs counseling, however, if he is forced to go to counseling the rebelling (attention seeking) may get worse... Especially if he is made to go to counseling AND having to go back to a school that he does not want to go to... If he wants to go then that is awesome. but if not...

It's a rough situation....JM2C

Awww, bless his heart. What a damn shame, the whole mess. I bet he's a good kid at heart. Damn the low-life that molested him too, what a dirtbag.

He's running from something... if you could just get him alone, and maybe talk to him, he may spill his guts to you.

I agree with dinosmom... sounds like he is begging for help.

You're a smart cookie... you'll figure some way to help him, I'm sure.

Get the counseling if he will let you. If he doesn't tell anyone else whats going o he may just tell some stranger. Also what about cyber schooling or homeschooling? Ask him what he wants and go from there.
My step daughter was molested, she refused to talk to anyone but her counselor. I looked at it this way at least she talked to someone.

If he were to be with you, in a more stable and loving environment....he might not feel such a hopelessness and might not continue with what he's been doing.

As Char said, you're a smart cookie....