Thread: Santa

Dear Southerners,

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer
serve the States of Georgia, Florida, Virginia, North and South
Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, and Arkansas on Christmas Eve.

Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract
was renegotiated by North American fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind.

However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us.

Differences such as:

1.There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba
Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that
reads:"These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."

2.Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave
an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba
doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an
empty spit can handy.

3.Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs
instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my
reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.

4.You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.." when
Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti,
on Elliott and Petty."

5."Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!"

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off."

7.The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street"
and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.

And Finally,

8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you,
the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put
presents under the tree.

Sincerely Yours,

Santa Claus

Guess that means Santa Claus and I are related. Bubba Claus is my fifth cousin three times removed.

Originally Posted by Crick

Guess that means Santa Claus and I are related. Bubba Claus is my fifth cousin three times removed.

COOL!! Means I get extra presents this year. I promise to burn the cage so you will be free to help the family deliver presents to me. That story arrived by way of my daughter

Originally Posted by nanajoanie

COOL!! Means I get extra presents this year. I promise to burn the cage so you will be free to help the family deliver presents to me. That story arrived by way of my daughter

Shouldn't come as a surprise. Everybody knows Southerners are all related. It's all the inbreeding.

Originally Posted by amysusi

ROFL

I'm glad I don't live in those states, LOL

You don't know what you are missing........

Thats ok...i rent out for a Santa............done it many a time So call 1-800-Get-T if you are in need of a Santa this Christmas!!!

Originally Posted by tsquared

Thats ok...i rent out for a Santa............done it many a time So call 1-800-Get-T if you are in need of a Santa this Christmas!!!

OMG!! What a Christmas this will be for me - Crick and T both here at once delivering presents. Please come gift wrapped fellas, with a big red bow on one and a big green bow on the other.