Thread: A Mom's Letter To Santa

Dear Santa
I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned,
and cuddled my two children on demand, visited the doctor's office more
times than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to
plant a shade tree on the school playground and figured out how to attach
nine patches onto my daughter's girl scout sash with staples
and a glue gun. I was hoping you could spread my list out over several
Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on
the back of a receipt in the laundry
room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the
next 18 years.
Here are my Christmas wishes:
I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache after a day of chasing kids (in any
color, except purple, which I already have)
and arms that don't flap in the breeze, but are strong enough to carry a
screaming toddler out of the candy aisle in the grocery store. I'd also
like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last
pregnancy. If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like a car with
fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays
adult music, a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing
talking animals; and a refrigerator with
a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the
phone. On the practical side, I could use a
talking daughter doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental
confidence, along with one potty-trained toddler, two kids who don't fight,
and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of
power tools. I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting,
"Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother,"
because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can
only be heard by the dog. And
please don't forget the Playdoh Travel Pack, the hottest stocking stuffer
this year for mothers of preschoolers. It
comes in three fluorescent colors and is guaranteed to crumble on any carpet
making the In-laws' house seem just like mine. If it's too late to find any
of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my
hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food
warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam
container. If you don't mind I could also use a
few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too
much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience
immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help
around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an
organized crime family; or if my toddler didn't look so cute sneaking
downstairs to eat
contraband ice cream in his pajamas at midnight.
Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under
the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a safe
trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the chimney and come in and dry
off by the fire so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the
table, but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.
Yours Always...
Mom
PS One more thing....you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my
children innocent enough to believe in Santa.

How cute.

Awww too cute