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You Know Your A Redneck When ....
You Know You're A Redneck When.......
1.---The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than
your spouse.
2.---You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner
table in front of her kids.
3.---You're been married three times and still have the same
in-laws.
4.---You think a woman who is "out-of-your-league" bowls on a
different night.
5.---Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people."
6.---You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so
clean.
7.---Anyone in your family ever died right after saying: "Hey,
watch this."
8.---You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
9.---Your junior prom had a daycare.
10.---Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
11.---You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are:
"Gentlemen, start your engines."
12.---You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded
right off its wheels.
13.---The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down,
depending on how much gas is in it.
14.---You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
15.---One of your kids was born on a pool table.
16.---You need one more hole punched in your cards to get a
freebie at the House of Tattoos.
17.---You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a
law against it.
18.---You think "loaded dishwasher" means your wife is drunk.
19.---Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
20.---Your front porch collapses and kills more than five dogs.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them. Distance and time may separate us but friendship and memories won't.
~When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure~
=^..^=
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06-14-2003 09:11 AM
# ADS
Circuit advertisement
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11.---You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are:
"Gentlemen, start your engines."
been accused of this one myself
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Banned
cute!
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you know you're a redneck when.....
you go to a wake and use the coffin as a picnic table
you ask to put something on layaway at a yard sale
you have so much stuff in your yard people always ask if you're having a yard sale
you have 4 vehicles in your yard and the only one that runs is the one you live in
you pay for your tattoos on an installment plan (just 2 more payments and that baby is MINE!!!)
Don't drink and park, accidents cause people!
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Banned
Originally posted by cab92
you know you're a redneck when.....
you live where i do ***sigh***
LOL! Poor Cab. I know what you mean. I took my DH down home to meet my family and I thought he was going to have a heart attack.
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You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are:
"Gentlemen, start your engines."
You mean it's NOT???? (as I sit watching the Busch Race)
"If sometimes you feel yourself little, useless, offended and depressed, always remember that you were once the fastest and most victorious sperm out of hundreds of millions."
If Barbie is so popular, how come you have to buy all her friends????
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You know you are in a redneck church when.....
Upon learning that Jesus fed the 5000, the men want to know whether the fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.
The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.
The pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering." Then five guys and two women stand up.
Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.
A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
The choir is known as the "OK Chorale."
In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.
Baptism is referred to as "Branding."
There is a special bake sale to raise funds for a new church septic tank.
High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.
The baptismal is a #2 galvanized wash tub.
The choir robes were donated by Billy Bob's Bar-B-Q, & are embroidered with his logo.
The collection plates are really hubcaps from a '56 Chevy.
"If sometimes you feel yourself little, useless, offended and depressed, always remember that you were once the fastest and most victorious sperm out of hundreds of millions."
If Barbie is so popular, how come you have to buy all her friends????
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You might be a RedNeck if...
You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.
You keep both your dog and your wallet on the end of a chain.
Your family tree doesn't fork.
Let my haters be my motivators!
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OK I could MAYBE see a little glass of wine .. it was a "special" occasion .. but NEVER will my child smoke at 13!!! .. That is outrageous .. her parents should be charged with child endanderment!!
And you guys posted some funny additions .. lmao.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them. Distance and time may separate us but friendship and memories won't.
~When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure~
=^..^=
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You might be a RedNeck if..
You are alowed to bring your dog to work.
You consider your license plate 'personalized' because your father made it.
You think "The dishwasher is broke" means your wife has no money.
Red Man Chewing tabacco sends you birthday and Christmas Cards.
Directions to your house include turn on to the dirt road...
Your mother does not remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Patrol Officer to kiss her a$$..
Let my haters be my motivators!
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