Thread: how can I get out?

{{{jasmine}}} So sorry you have to go through this, but it does sound as if you are doing what is right for the children and yourself. Please let us know what happens, I know everyone here at BBS is really feeling for you. Be sure and check with your school for Pell grants and Stafford loans, there may be a state grant available in your state also. You sound strong and I am sure you will get through this and be glad you did, hang in there girl.

The best thing would be for you to go to a lawyer and file for divorce if you really can't take anymore and you know he won't change. That way he has to move out and leave you and the kids with the house. I can't really tell you what to do since you know him and what he is capable of doing. If he doesn't get violent just emotionally abusive you won't be in danger and won't need to hide from him. I hope a lawyer can give you the right advice. If he works you will get child support. Good luck.

Good luck sweetie Do what you need to do, but please, please try to be able to stay in school. You'll be so much further ahead in the long run.

welp, guess what?? I believe my suspicions have been confirmed.
I have had suspicions that my husband was AGAIN having an affair on me, well, I go to school every mon. and thurs. night, and he always takes the kids to town to play at the playground, or lake playground. Well, this girl is always there to meet them and play with them, MY CHILDREN!! And this morning, my oldest daughter said that daddy was talking on his cell phone before they got there, and said, ok, we'll meet you there, I love you to!!!! I LOVE YOU TOO! Well, the only person he would say that to would be his mom, I called his mom and asked if she talked to him on his cell phone yesterday, she said no. And get this, she's a 19 year old in highschool!
I've put the two and two together, well, the last three fridays, he doesn't come home from work, untill late evening, because the last fridays for some reason her school hasn't been having school on fridays, well, today is friday, she doesn't have school, and guess who isn't home yet......

So, you know what, I'm just to the point to where, this has happened before, been there, done that, so when he gets home, I'll find some time to talk to him without the kids around, and say, this is what you want to do, this is your choice, GET OUT!
I've made up my mind to stay, the house and land is payed for, my truck will be paid for in 3 months..... and he's the one messing around and doesn't want me, so he'll be the one to get out.

{{{jasmine}}}

Originally posted by EMELLE
my 2 cents: when i was little, my dad used to go on drinking binges, my mom would drag us out to the bars to look for him, there was alot of emotional abuse, and some physical abuse. i remember coming in one day when i was like 6 or 7 and seeing my dad chasing my mom around the kitchen table with a knife. it was always we are going to get a divorce, blah, blah. when i was a teenager, i wished to *ell he would just leave. like i care anymore. my parents are still together and my mom hates him. now that she is financially secure, she keeps telling him to leave. my mom was just telling me yesterday how unhappy she is and he could drop dead and she wouldn't give a flying fig, but when she was younger, couldn't do it because of the financial situation. of course you cannot just leave and end up in the streets, but neither do you want to end up staying because you are financially dependent. i think you are terribly smart to research your options, and there is so much more help out there now than there was in the '70's. do you have any family you can turn to? your husband needs to get his butt to a detox program. after my dad trashed my room one nite and threatened to kill me, i called the police and he went thru detox, hasn't had a drink in over 15 years. maybe if your husband stops drinking he can be a little more responsible and work so he can pay child support. anyway, good luck and keep your chin up.

my dad was the same my dad threw my mom down the stairs once and a lot of other things he usedt to take his paychecks and go to the bars right ater work then come home and get into it w/ my mom now he is sober and they are happy


{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{jasmine}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

You would need a lot of help with Al Anon to try to get your husband to stop drinking. They have intersessions from the family and friends to confront the alcholic to stop drinking and go into detox. If you have that kind of support group from his family and friends but they may just be enablers. Talk to Al Anon.

It seems to me you have had enough with the affairs and don't want to try to salvage your marriage. I don't blame you if you are at this point though. In that case find out what your options are. I hate to tell you but this is the sad truth. With the courts, the first one there to file for divorce is the person they listen to. I think you have really good reasons to file though and you aren't just tired of being married or having affairs on your own.

It's your call hon. I know it will be the hardest thing you have ever done but you still need to protect yourself and children. I wish I could wave a magic wand for you and it would all go away and be perfect. Life can be so hard sometimes.

Do you have a minister or priest to talk to? You need support now. I hope you find some good people to help you.

If there is public housing available in your area you need to apply. Explain your situation and they can usually get you in on an emergency basis as soon as something is available. Depending on where you are going to school, some universities have a displaced home makers division that can help you with child care, books, uniforms, etc... Also try JTPA. They help pay for school. Don't be afraid to ask for help from the state or whoever. You need to think about you and your children now. If you can get a restraining order against him it would be in your best interest. They can make him pay temporary child support until you finalize things in court. There are so many options available to you, you just have to pick up the phone and start calling people until you get the right one. I have been in your shoes before and I know what it is like.