Thread: Old!!!!! :)

THE PERKS OF BEING OVER 40...sooner or later you'll get there!
>
>1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
>
>2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
>
>3. No one expects you to run - anywhere.
>
>4. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
>
>5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
>
>6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
>
>7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
>
>8. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
>
>9. You can live without sex but not without glasses.
>
>10. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
>
>11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
>
>12. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
>
>13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
>
>14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the
>room.
>
>15. You sing along with elevator music.
>
>16. Your eyes won't get much worse.
>
>17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
>
>18. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather
>service.
>
>19. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember
>them either.
>
>20. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
>
>21. You can't remember who sent you this list.
>
>
>
>GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER
>
>1. Sag, You're it.
>
>2. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.
>
>3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
>
>4. Kick the bucket.
>
>5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
>
>6. Doc Goose.
>
>7. Simon says something incoherent.
>
>8. Hide and go pee.
>
>9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta.
>
>10. Musical recliners.
>
>
>
>SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE
>
>1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
>
>2. Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you
>to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not
>amused, you shoot him.
>
>3. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
>
>4. The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult gives you
>four hours of decent rest.
>
>5. You change your underwear after every sneeze.
>
>6. You're on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on a field
>trip to Chippendale's.
>
>
>
>SIGNS OF WEAR!
>"OLD" IS WHEN...Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
>
>"OLD" IS WHEN...Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and
>you answer, "Pick one, I can't do both!"
>
>"OLD" IS WHEN...Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes
>and you're barefoot.
>
>"OLD" IS WHEN...A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens
>the garage door.
>
>"OLD" IS WHEN...You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you
>don't have to go along.
>
>"OLD" IS WHEN...You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by
>the police.
>
>"OLD" IS WHEN..."Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any
>fiber today.
>
>"OLD" IS WHEN..."Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking
>lot.
>
>"OLD" IS WHEN...An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee.
>