Thread: Cafe' La Rouge Comedy Club

It took three weeks to clean up the town hall.

Sounds Like A Sticky Situation

Sounds like our city hall meetings...full of sh*t!

Sounds like our city hall meetings...full of that which promotes growth you say? LOL Got the same POLS up here, very good at spreading in on thick.

A little old couple walked slowly into McDonalds one cold winter
evening. They looked out of place amid the young families and
young couples eating there that evening. Some of the customers
looked admiringly at them.

You could tell what the admirers were thinking. "Look, there is a
couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years
or more!"

The little old man walked right up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal. The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off the tray.

There was one hamburger, one order of french fries and one drink.

The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully
cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. Then he carefully counted out the french fries, divided them in two piles
and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them.

As the man began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the crowd began to get restless.

Again you could tell what they were thinking. "That poor old
couple, all they can afford is one meal for the two of them."
As the man began to eat his french fries one young man stood
and went over to the old couple's table. He politely offered
to buy another meal for the old couple to eat. The old man replied that they were just fine. They were used to sharing everything.

Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady hadn't eaten a
bite. She just sat there, watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy them
something to eat. This time the lady explained that no, they were used to sharing everything together. As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin, the young man could stand it no longer.

Again, he went over to their table and offered to buy some food.
After being politely refused again, he finally asked a question
of the little old lady. "Ma'am, why aren't you eating?
You said that you share everything.

What is it that you are waiting for?"





" THE TEETH!"

~chokes on her Code Red, spews all over the monitor~
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

She's waiting for her turn wif da teef!

Three servicemen, Air Force, Marine, and a Sailor, were all on a flight to go home on leave after spending time in Afghanistan. When they landed a man approached them and said, "Boys to show my thanks for serving our country I'm gonna give you my truck to drive home so you don't have to pay for a cab."

The guys thankfully agreed and drove off.

Halfway there the truck broke down and they were stuck out on a lonely stretch of road. Off in the distance they seen a farm house and went to ask to use the phone. When the man at the door answered and saw the men in uniform he invited them in. He said, "boys for serving our country I'll cook you a steak dinner and you can shack up with my three daughters, you'll have to discuss amongst yourselves who sleeps with each girl. There's plenty of beer in the fridge."

The men ate and the first girl comes down the stairs, a very pretty girl. The flyboy jumped up and said "she's mine" and goes upstairs.

The second girl comes down, prettier than the first, the jarhead snatches her up and goes upstairs.

The sailor is waiting for the last girl thinking he's getting the heifer of the group. To his delight she comes down, the finest of them all.

The next morning the farmer is cooking breakfast.

The flyboy comes down first, uniform neatly pressed, fresh looking.
The farmer asked if he wanted breakfast but the flyboy says, "No thank you sir, you've done enough already." and left.

The jarhead came down next, uniform not as neat as the flyboys but still acceptable. The farmer offers him food but he only drinks coffee, thanks the farmer and leaves.

The sailor comes down next, still a little drunk, neckerchief messed up and missing a shoe. The farmer offers him breakfast and the sailor ate everything and took off, without even a 'thank you'.

After they all were gone the farmer calls his girls down.

Rubbing his hands together greedily he says, "ok girls, how did we do?"

The girl with the airman says, "he fondled me a little, drank a beer and gave me $200!"

The girl with the marine says, "he @#$%ed me one time, had a couple beers and gave me $150."

The poor girl with the sailor appears , all tired and worn out. "He @#$%ed me all night! Drank the rest of the beer, and I'll be d@mned, if he didn't borrow $50 off me till next payday!!"

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club, showering, getting changed for the 19th hole. When a cell phone on a bench rings, a man picks it up, engages the handsfree speaker function, and begins a
conversation

(M=man, W=woman):

M: "Hello?"
W: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
M: "Yes."
W: "Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful leather coat. It's absolutely gorgeous! Can I buy it?"
M: "What's the price?"
W: "Only $1,000."
M: "Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much."
W: "Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2002 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman,
and he gave me a really good price...and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..."
M: "What price did he quote you?"
W: "Only $60,000."
M: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
W: "Great! But before we hang up, something else..."
M: "What?"
W: "I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we looked at last year. It's for sale! Remember? The one with a pool,
English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property."
M: "How much are they asking?"
W: "Only $450,000 - a magnificent price. It may seem like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account...and I see that we have enough in the bank to cover the down."

M: "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid up to $420,000. OK?"
W: "OK, sweetie...Thanks! I'll see you later! I love you!!!"
M: "Bye...I love you too..."

The man hangs up and closes the phone's flap. The other men are lookingb at him in astonishment and derision. The man holds up the phone and asks "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

AMISH VIRUS:




You have just received the Amish Virus. Since we do
not have electricity nor computers, you are on the
honor system. Please delete all of your files.

Thank thee.

Let's see if I understand how the world works lately...


If a man cuts his finger off while slicing salami at work,
he blames the restaurant.


If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of
lung cancer, your family blames the tobacco company.


If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home
drunk, he blames the bartender.


If your grandchildren are brats without manners,
you blame television.

If your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame
the gun manufacturer.

And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries
to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet, and the passengers
kill him instead, the mother of the deceased blames the airline.


I must have lived too long to understand the world as it
is anymore. So, if I die while my old, wrinkled butt is
parked in front of this computer, I want you to blame
Bill Gates...okay?

These faux Chinese proverbs remind us of our favorite line from the terrible old Tom Hanks movie Volunteers: "We all must do what we all must do. If not, what we all must do does not get done."

Virginity like bubble: one prick, all gone.

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

A little boy and girl are playing in a sandbox. The little boy has to go to take a pee and he was told by his mother to always Be Polite and don't talk about private matters in public. At first he holds it in for a little while because he does not know what to say to the little girl to excuse himself.

Then he remembers what his mom had said at the restaurant to excuse
herself from the table. So he turns to the little girl and says "Will
you excuse me I have to go powder my nose." And saying that he leaps out of the sandbox and runs to the washroom.

When he comes back the little girl looks up at him and asks "Did you
powder your nose?"

"Yes," said the little boy stepping back into the sandbox.

"Well, then" says the little girl, "You'd better close your compact
because your lipstick is hanging out!