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    Guess I Am A Bitch

    My mom had several health issues. She retired like 3 years ago. Very sure she has dementia now. Will not listen or work with anyone and spends money like its air. She doesn't have it so my stepdad covers her. I was made to stop work about 5 years ago due to my health. I "sit" with her two days a week. She is MEAN. How do I get my stepdad to see that he's going to lose everything due to her spending and get someone to take over her care? Two of my three kids see it also. Am I making any sense?

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    You are dealing with a difficult situation. What does your stepdad say about this? Does he feel helpless in dealing with her, and just keeps covering to 'keep the peace' in his home. and/or to maintain the appearance that nothing is wrong? Has she been evaluated? Have to talked to anyone to see what legal steps need to be taken? It must be stressful to deal with this. Are there local groups where you can get some information or help? Can a social worker help? I'm just throwing out ideas, since I haven't had to deal with this kind of situation. I hope you can find some help and some answers.
    Be Happy Now.

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    Talk to a Dr ASAP, get a diagnosis, it could be dementia, it could be something else entirely. Tell the Dr Everything!!! You may need to contact an attorney after the Dr's evaluation they will know how to handle this. You need to take care of yourself, I know people will think it is selfish but if you don't take care of yourself no one else will. I hope your stepdad will see what is going on after an evaluation, his future is also in the balance, if she spends it all he will have nothing for his care when the time comes. IMHO BTW you are not being a B!tch.
    Keep your hands to yourself, leave other people's things alone, and be kind to one another.

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    Bless you for the ideas. I love her, but she isn't well. Not sure she is ready for a home, but she needs more help than we can give her.

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    I just really feel like Im being ganged up on. I am trying to look at the "big picture" for everyone. She is not happy and we cant seem to make her happy. I just feel overwhelmed. Thanks all for listening and you help. Bless you!!

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    Bless you for taking on her care, it's difficult especially with your own health issues.
    Keep your hands to yourself, leave other people's things alone, and be kind to one another.

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    I've been meaning to check back in. Still the same situation but I've tried to change my outlook on everything. She may not have raised me, but I'm blessed to still have a mother figure in my life. I just needed to vent and figure out how to make things better. I still get aggravated but I tell her how she can work better with us all. Seems to be better for now. Bless you guys!

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    Good to hear, I was wondering how things were going. Maybe she didn't realize how difficult she was being, maybe she didn't understand what was expected of her in the caregiving process. It can't all be dumped on the caregiver to guess what the person getting the care wants or needs. I heard from a friend who is trying to help out that the person is annoyed that so many people are stopping by and all he really would like is some quiet time, it's like Grand Central since he got sick. So she sticks her head in the door lets him know she is there and if he needs anything and lets the him unwind in peace for a while. She is always available, she sits on the sofa and reads a book while the he takes a little nap trying not to make to much noise. He is tired of being engaged all the time, she says he answers the same questions every time someone comes to sit with him, he lived alone before. So they made a wipe off board like they had in the hospital, listing the times when they asked if he needed something, took his meds, when he ate last, etc. and try to schedule visitors, it isn't always possible but to ask them to call before they come by so if he is having a bad day or already saw several people that day he wasn't overwhelmed. And ending her time there giving a "shift report" to the next person. Like they do in a hospital. There are some kinks they are trying to work out, they've decided to get a male helper a few times a week for an hour or so to help bathe him, they have started taking turns vacuuming, changing his bed, washing his clothes, cooking, things almost everyone had left for her. Maybe some of their ideas might help you. Mainly what I hope is you are getting the help you need and are taking care of yourself. Vent if you need too we are here to help.
    Keep your hands to yourself, leave other people's things alone, and be kind to one another.

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