Thread: Moms Funeral

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    Mary_Jo3's Avatar
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    Moms Funeral

    My mom passed in July. I greatly appreciate the e-mails, cards, flowers and calls. But where did the funeral etiquette go??? People were texting in line and I know of at least one playing a game on her phone, turn the damn device off of a few min while you are paying your respects!! I was first and people looked at me and said I'm here to see so and so, meaning another member of the family standing in line in horrible shoes trying to put on a brave face. I always go through the line and introduce myself to each person and that I work with your sister or son and I'm sorry for your loss, anything other then I'm here to see someone else and then just look at them. I heard "God I wish this line would move faster", hell I don't want to be standing here, I want to be having dinner with my mom. "I can't believe you don't recognize me", I haven't seen you in years, you probably wouldn't know me either if I wasn't standing in line. They should have hand sanitizer next to the family, wipe your nose with a tissue not the back of your hand, they are provided and you are not 8 years old, for Pete's sake carry some Kleenex or have a hanky, they still make them I've seen them, my husband uses them, they still sell them. Please don't hand me a card for the family, certainly you know someone's address and to say, sorry I didn't have a stamp? I'm in a brain fog, I've already been standing an hour and telling me not to forget it when I set it on the table next to me to shake the next hand is not helping. Don't say call if there is anything I can do, unless you mean it, no explanation needed. I don't expect perfection, I'm not ungrateful just simple respect and courtesy, I know people don't know what to say at these things, hell I didn't know what to say but this isn't my first funeral, run something though your head. Telling me I've put on weight since the last time you saw me, which was 20 years ago, shocks me into a reality that I have spent the last year or so eating hamburgers from the drive up late at night due to exhaustion of taking care of my loved one, working and taking care of my family, file that under "MY your hair is going grey, I guess we are all getting older", really? And this is only a few things I remember. I know I sound like a horrible person and I can live with that but if I can just help one grieving person get through the day, the next week, it's one month, it's 2 months to the day. I've learned from this experience, I have one suggestion for you, mark on your digital calendar on your phone to call so and so, or send them a card in a couple of weeks or a month, at the holidays, let them know you are thinking of them because I know your life will go on the min you walk out of the funeral home (glad that's over), but the person whose loss is so great they can't breath it will go on much longer. Oh and Thank You to the person who sent me the gift card for take out, seriously, with all the paperwork it was really nice going through the drive up to bring my family a nice chicken dinner with sides and to the person who sent me a page of stamps so I didn't have to go out and buy some more to mail out the Thank You cards I've spent hours writing. It was very thoughtful.
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    I think my train of thought may have derailed.

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    3lilpigs's Avatar
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    So to hear about your moms passing. My condolences to you and your family.

    From what you described, it sounded more like a family reunion than it did a funeral. People just have no sense anymore.

    The last funeral I went to was probably about 5 yrs ago, and I was shocked at the way people dressed and acted. I remember one guy showed up in deck shoes, shorts and a Polo shirt. I wanted to ask him 'wth? you going boating afterwards?' It's one thing to be dressed in work clothes if you stop on your way home, but some people just have no sense of respect.

    I'm no longer shocked at ignorance of people on their cell phone 24/7.

    As for handing you a card and saying they had no stamp.........how tacky. A Sympathy card is one card that I MAIL. I don't send them online, I don't hand them to the person.........I mail it. I don't know why, but it just seems more respectful than to hand it to them.

    Sorry you had to go through all that.

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    Mary_Jo3 (10-02-2018)

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    Mary_Jo3's Avatar
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    Thank you I just needed to vent. And maybe give people a view from the other side of the condolence line. I like the gift card idea so much I think I'll use it myself especially if they have children at home, people used to bring food during these times and personally I'm glad no one did that because you need to return all the dishes, memories from when we lost dad suddenly 35 years ago.
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    I think my train of thought may have derailed.

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