So upset about neighbor!!!

**Qtxann315** · 02-05-2011, 06:37 PM

When we moved into our current house in 2006, we befriend our neighbor. We didn't think much of it, they were a family, Russian mom, and American Father. A typical family. My daughter who was 2 at that time played with their 4 year old all the time. The 4 year old came over to our house all the time, and when my daughter turn I believe 3.5 or 4 I started sending her over.

Fast track to present time:

A few months ago I found out the father was a past sex offender. The only reason I found was because I downloaded a sex offender app on my phone, and it shows past offenses. He only did it once and I searched and search on the internet and could not find anything. I finally called the state sex offender office, and they confirmed that it was sodomy with a young girl. When I mean young, I mean under 10. I don't understand why would they not tell me. I know it's embarrassing, but how can you put my daughter in that situation. Especially the mother, whom I consider as a friend. So for about 4 years, my daughter could have been a victim. I ask her and question her but she says nothing ever happens.

I'm so afraid that it could of happen but she's not saying anything because he could have threaten her.

I have nothing against the mother and children, but I feel like they completely lost my trust and that I want to put a 10 foot wall up and never see them again.

The girls of course does not know what is happening and I won't tell them. I still let her friend come over, but my daughter is never going to their house.

**Advertisement** · 02-05-2011 06:37 PM

***buttrfli*** · 02-05-2011, 06:58 PM

So he was CAUGHT one time? No way, no how would I allow my kids to go there again. If they ask why, I would tell them the truth.

**Qtxann315** · 02-05-2011, 07:09 PM

Once is more than enough for me, I agree I would not let her go over again. I'm more frustrated at the fact that there is no way of searching on the internet because it is an offense that happened a long time ago, and the neighbor didn't say anything until I found out. Yes, it is an embarrassing situation, but they need to understand that if the husband has a relapse, then they would be in a worst situation.

My girl does not understand why she can't go over, and neither does her friend. It is not my place to tell her friend that her dad was a sex offender, eventually she will find out.

***3lilpigs*** · 02-05-2011, 07:15 PM

Originally Posted by Qtxann315

and the neighbor didn't say anything until I found out.

Is it required that he/they tell you or the other neighbors??

Serious question......not trying to sound like I'm sticking up for him.

**gmyers** · 02-05-2011, 07:42 PM

Even if it happened a long time ago. Shouldn't he have to register as a sex offender in your neighborhood? I thought they had to do that for the rest of their lives whereever they live.

**Qtxann315** · 02-05-2011, 08:18 PM

They do have to register but for some reason he is not in the state registry. No, they do not require to tell neighbors, I thought it might be a courteous thing more than anything. I think they should need to though, especially if a little girl goes in their house. It is unfair for me and my husband, because we are constantly thinking if anything did happen in the past. The wife has said the husband has been with the girls alone. The scary thing is that my little girl will not be the last friend that enters the house.

From my perspective, a family with two girls, doesn't seem dangerous, but that was naive of me.

I did searches in the past for my neighborhood, but he does not pop up because its been so long ago. Who is to say this has not happen a second time. Just because he was caught once doesn't mean he hasn't done it a second time and got away with it. How is a person able to find out when there is no informstion about him on the states sex offender page. I mean I got lucky when I downloaded the one app. Just venting....we can't do anything now. Now I am avoiding him.

**BeanieLuvR** · 02-05-2011, 08:31 PM

To tell you the truth if he did it once he has done it again. He might not have got caught but he has done it. If I were you I would take my daughter to the pediatrician for an exam. Pedophiles have ways of working a kid so they won't talk and tell. Trust me I know. He could have threatened her or made it their special secret. I also would let the other mothers know. I would let the school know. I feel so sorry for his daughters. They are living in that house and that makes them an easy target. A pervert like him doesn't change.

***buttrfli*** · 02-05-2011, 08:45 PM

He is required by law to register in whatever state and county he lives in. The time frame of when he was convicted does not matter. If he is a convicted sex offender, he has to be compliant with registering or face going back to prison. I would report him as not being listed. It could be something as small as a computer glitch or it could be that he is not current on his registration.

I know you are upset that they didn't tell you, but if they had told you when you first started letting your DD go over there, would you have still let her go over there?

Maybe its just me, but I wouldn't avoid them. I would flat out tell them what you found and that is the reason why you no longer let your DD go over there.

**pepperpot** · 02-05-2011, 08:51 PM

I don't understand why would they not tell me.

I understand why. If he was convicted and served his time, did rehab, etc. Whatever was required by law, from his perspective...why would he walk around with a neon sign on himself saying "sex offender"? That would absolutley ostracize him from the community and any friends that he may have made. No one would ever look at him the same again. Just as you do now. If someone had previously told you that he was a sex offender, would you have ever befriended him or his family? Probably not.

So yes, I understand your POV and if I were you, I would be totally freaked out and never let my child any where near that entire family again. Is that "fair" to him? (Assuming that he has done nothing wrong to your family nor anyone else since?) No, it's not fair to him, but like you, I would not take any chances with my child.

It's a hard situation no doubt, but where my family's safety is concerned, I don't have to be "fair" to others. My family comes first, I feel badly for that family and the burden that they all must feel, but again, my family's safety always comes first. I agree with taking your daughter to the pediatrician to be checked out.

As a sex offender it's his responsibility to register (if required), as parents, it's our responsibility to check that list.

**Bliss** · 02-06-2011, 03:17 AM

The law is different state by state. In Oregon not all sex offenders need to register. You can find all your answers on this site. http://www.oregon.gov/OSP/SOR/faqs.shtml

**buglebe** · 02-06-2011, 08:52 AM

You said the wife is your friend. (or was) Could you talk to her about this? Tell her what you know and explain about the children. Hers is welcome at your house, etc. Find out the details of exactly what happened and how old he was. The facts of the situation would be a consideration.

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