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My mother died when I was young and my dad died in 1970, my fil died 3 years ago at 91 & my wonderful mil is going to be 94 this year and although she's healthy, she is old and it's just a matter of time. My husband and I have both been fortunate. So neither of us will have to go through any of this, for which I am grateful. It's a heavy load to bear alone. I'm hoping you rely on your friends (both online and in RL) to help you share the emotional burden of this situation. I see that you cannot really rely on your siblings. I hope that you will take some time for yourself and seek out a professional, ie clergy or therapist to help you come to terms with the situation and also pay heed to bugleb's wise words. God bless you for even caring enough and NOT being like your siblings! In spite of how difficult it is, it will be worth it in the long run and I don't mean monetarily. Just remember, what goes around, comes around.
What Goes Around, Comes Around
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02-05-2011 06:21 AM
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Now she wants to come back. She misses her bed. I said we'd bring her, hers and set it up. Brother and wife are tired though and are fed up with the loudness of the television. Plus hubbys wife Grace overheard my Mom saying, not so nice things about her. I am leary. I think they just want to dump her back because of their concert tix and appointment. I'll have to wait and see. I don't trust any of them.
Me
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My stepmom's mother was the same way. She just passed in January. My stepmom did absolutely everything for her, yet her brother lives 3 mins away. He and his wife were always too busy to help with anything. Now, her brother did come one time so that my stepmom could go with my daughter and me to get a homecoming dress. He was out the door before she could get out of the car. That was three years ago. My stepmom even added on to her house so that her mother could stay there. She did nothing but put my stepmom down. Although, the brother could do no wrong. I still think it's a generational thing or something. It seems sons were seen as more worthy than daughters.
I would help my stepmom out. Her mother would say I did everything better than my stepmom. It was ridiculous. She had to have what she wanted to eat no matter what. She talked about my stepmom on the phone to people and we could even hear her doing it. When you would call her out on it, she'd just say, "Whattt??? Now, I didn't do that! You are just showing off!" It was really strange. Her day to day experience was something else. Anyway, I feel for you. I really do. Don't let your brother have any time off.
My stepmom is still stuck in "taking care of mom" mode even though she's been gone almost a month. She did it so long, with no help, that I think she truly lost her identity. I did help out some, but it wasn't the same as what her brother could have done for her.
I hope she realizes what you've done for her. In the end, I think my stepmom's mother finally realized it, but am still not sure. Maybe I should say she was closer to admitting it.
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Yep,sounds like they want to dump and run.
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Oh hun I feel for you! I actually hung up on my Mom yesterday because she went into "loony tune" mode. She is 86 & has had 2 hip replacements & back surgery but insisted on trying to go out & shovel her driveway. I pay someone to plow her out. She had nowhere to & and no one was coming to visit. It took me 3 hours to snowblow my driveway clean & then she wanted me to bring my huge snowblower into my small care to do hers. What part of I am paying someone to plow you out don't you understand???
Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
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I just encouraged my parents into assisted living and they moved this weekend. Its a beautiful place and you don't have to make a lot of money. My Mom is self pay for a few months until she spends her money and then she will be medicaid. They take them to appts and everything and she is close enough now I can visit without all the stress.
Be who you are and say what you feel, those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
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Originally Posted by
DBackFan
I just encouraged my parents into assisted living and they moved this weekend. Its a beautiful place and you don't have to make a lot of money. My Mom is self pay for a few months until she spends her money and then she will be medicaid. They take them to appts and everything and she is close enough now I can visit without all the stress.
Assisted living would be ideal for my Mom but the mere mention of it makes it sound like I would be locking her up in an insane prison. Honestly I can not physically & financially take care of 2 homes anymore. My ds has got to move out of there. He is her security blanket & that needs to stop. I realize he feels like he would be letting my Dad down because he made a promise to my Dad to look after her but he needs to be able to mature & have a family of his own.
My Mom is boarderline diabetic. Trying to get her to eat healthier is next to impossible. She will eat 1 chicken tender & a small salad. Of course after an hour she is hungry again & then she will eat sweets. Mind you I don't buy her junk food. My youngest son brought her this tray of cut apples with a caramel dipping sauce. She made a pie with the apples & dipping sauce and ate the entire pie in 1 day then blamed my oldest son who wasn't even at home.
Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
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the is nothing wrong with assisted living. I have worked in several of them. She will get healthy meals, at the right times, get her meds on time, the list is endless. You would have a life. Stop beating yourself up. When people (young or old) do not feel well, they get cantankerous. She will be surprised at all the new friends she will meet. It would be the best thing all around.
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Originally Posted by
cathych
the is nothing wrong with assisted living. I have worked in several of them. She will get healthy meals, at the right times, get her meds on time, the list is endless. You would have a life. Stop beating yourself up. When people (young or old) do not feel well, they get cantankerous. She will be surprised at all the new friends she will meet. It would be the best thing all around.
Do they have a "trial" program for assisted living? If she brought her mom there and spent a day or so engaging with those who are permanently there.....perhaps she'd be a bit more open to the idea? I'm sure many have had apprehensions such as hers before.....
Mrs Pepperpot is a lady who always copes with the tricky situations that she finds herself in....
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well, I am sure that every place is different. Even doing something like adult day care might be an option. But I think that assisted living would be the best.
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When my stepmom had to have hernia surgery, she put her mother in assisted living for a few days. She didn't want to go, but my stepmom really had no choice. There are places where you can reside temporarily or permanently. You really have to just start checking them out. Take tours, talk to other residents and so on.
My stepmom checked on her by phone quite a lot to make sure she'd had her pills and such. The one thing that was kind of a problem was that she had to have new prescriptions sent to the place by her doctor for the exact amount she would need while staying there. Of course, there was a mix-up, but it was straightened out fairly easily.
Last edited by kelblend; 03-01-2011 at 01:45 AM.
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