Thread: His crash was terrible, but come on already!!!!!!

Originally Posted by SLance68

I guess the way I posted it wasn't really how I meant for it to come out. We all miss my Aunt and we do let her Mom have her shrine. Heck I think some of us actually started it by pulling out pics and off the wall stuff to give her to remember. Over the years it has gotten easier for her - maybe just accepting that she is gone. For the longest time no one would even mention her name because it would upset her so bad. Now she will tell stories on my Aunt and trust me they are not all good and can laugh and remember her without falling totally apart. Or at least around us she doesn't but probably does in private. We will never know.

I am sorry you lost your son at such a young age and nothing can make up or take the place of that missing part of your life. Sending you some hugs and sorry if I upset you I didn't mean to do that in any way.

and this week is a hard one for me since its his birthday on the 5th, of nov. i always get worse on special days , bd, xmas , thanksgiving , newyears day, and the day of his death are the worst for me, but i go each day one at a time and you never get over it , you just learn to live with it........
i just wanted you to know our side of the situation and to realiaze that its hard to understand un less youve been in this kind of thing.....

i had to identify his body and close up his home in florida and have him cremated and then i brought his ashes home to mississippi on easter morning. its a memory of easter morning that will follow me the rest of my life.
and i had to do it all alone , my other two kids were in other states and my ex was a crud.......... so just be pacient , and be there for them in anyway that is ok for you , im sure they ll appreciate it later , and right after something like this happens its hard to be NICE OR SENSIBLE, its like liveing in a nite mare you dont want to live , you dont want to die , but its like living in hell. sometimes i just want to lay down and die, and other times i want to scream and other times i just exist. so remember JUST BE THERE. for them.
SHARON

Well, you have done what was asked of you, which was kind. From what you have said, she is a person who had issues before he passed, so probably you were not too surprised by all that.

I have a young man in my life who is like a little brother and he loves to partake in the drink! If ever something like that happened to him, I think that I would have posted drinking pics of him too because that is how we all know him. He is by no means an irresponsible alcoholic, just a guy who likes to drink. I would have thought it all innocent, but his family may have a different take on it, due to the stigma.

And to totally contradict my take that I just expressed....over the summer, my friend's young daughter was in a drinking and driving accident. No one died, but the drivers of both vehicles (it was my friend's daughter's fault) were critically injured. I was pretty ticked that several of her friends were posting tribute photo collages of her on FB after the accident of them all partying. I felt like it was putting her at risk because FB is public, and that the pics could possibly be used against her in court. So, though this mom may be a loon, maybe she also worries about the legality of it all.

Originally Posted by Anniston

Well, you have done what was asked of you, which was kind. From what you have said, she is a person who had issues before he passed, so probably you were not too surprised by all that.

I have a young man in my life who is like a little brother and he loves to partake in the drink! If ever something like that happened to him, I think that I would have posted drinking pics of him too because that is how we all know him. He is by no means an irresponsible alcoholic, just a guy who likes to drink. I would have thought it all innocent, but his family may have a different take on it, due to the stigma.

And to totally contradict my take that I just expressed....over the summer, my friend's young daughter was in a drinking and driving accident. No one died, but the drivers of both vehicles (it was my friend's daughter's fault) were critically injured. I was pretty ticked that several of her friends were posting tribute photo collages of her on FB after the accident of them all partying. I felt like it was putting her at risk because FB is public, and that the pics could possibly be used against her in court. So, though this mom may be a loon, maybe she also worries about the legality of it all.

Yeah I don't know what more I can do. I mean I took it down as soon I could.
But now she has her niece saying things. I mean I can't change it was up for a few hours. Whats done is done. Like I said I only looked at him. NOT even thinking about what was IN the photo. It was innocent on my part. It didn't even occur to me she was worried about what people would think of him.....
I don't think she worried about legal stuff. She worried about his appearance.

Originally Posted by whatever

Yeah I don't know what more I can do. I mean I took it down as soon I could.
But now she has her niece saying things. I mean I can't change it was up for a few hours. Whats done is done. Like I said I only looked at him. NOT even thinking about what was IN the photo. It was innocent on my part. It didn't even occur to me she was worried about what people would think of him.....
I don't think she worried about legal stuff. She worried about his appearance.

Right now she isn't thinking clearly or rational which is totally understandable. She may never fully recover. She is devistated & I am sure at some level she understands but grief does strange things to people.

If you feel you need to do something send her a card of brief note and just say you will always have her family in your heart & leave it go at that.
The best thing though might be to do nothing at all.

Every thought & memory is like ripping a band-aid off a bleeding wound.

{{hugs to you****

Originally Posted by sunniekiss

Right now she isn't thinking clearly or rational which is totally understandable. She may never fully recover. She is devistated & I am sure at some level she understands but grief does strange things to people.

If you feel you need to do something send her a card of brief note and just say you will always have her family in your heart & leave it go at that.
The best thing though might be to do nothing at all.

Every thought & memory is like ripping a band-aid off a bleeding wound.

{{hugs to you****

Thanks sunniekiss,
I was going just leave it alone. I figured in a couple of weeks I would call her and talk etc. And then this morning I see crap on facebook. I feel terrible for the mother. I cannot fathom the pain she is going thru. But at this point I think any further contact right now with the mother is not a good idea. Because I agree I don't think she is thinking rationally. Anything I would do would get blown WAY out of proportion. I had sent her an email the day after it happened and I think that has gotten blown up. Nothing more I can do. I feel everyone knew a different side of Adam and I don't think he would approve of whats is blown up to be. And that makes me very sad...

Hugs!!! You have done all you can. You can't beat yourself up about what happened. You know what you intentions were and if people can't see that, it is there problem.