DH thinks I should be left in the dark

**Anniston** · 08-12-2009, 08:32 AM

First of all, we are not married. I call him DH online, due to the fact that we have been together for years and we have a ten year old son. "Boyfriend" is an understatement....or so I felt!

His job situation is not the greatest right now. What sucks is that the only time I am updated on something regarding his job is when I overhear him telling someone else.

A while ago, I was very nervous because he was contemplating leaving his company to work for a much smaller outfit. That had me stressed, as I did not want to see him downgrade after having years in at his company. I overheard him telling someone that the new prospect (for which he had completed some side work) was being wishy washy about paying him promptly. So he was no longer feeling comfortable about them.

I would have liked to know that before I overheard it.

Last night, I heard him telling someone on the phone that he thinks that the only reason he has not been let go is that his boss (who is very passive) does not have the balls to call him and tell him to bring in the phone and credit card.

I know he does not want me to worry, but at his age (43) it is time to really think about 20 years from now. I love him more than anything, but this has me feeling so isolated and secondary to his plans.

Sorry, just needed to rant/vent! I know that with these economic times, so many relationships are strained with money and/or job situations at the root of it.

**Advertisement** · 08-12-2009 08:32 AM

**poggles3** · 08-12-2009, 08:40 AM

First let me say I'm sorry your dealing with this and so stressed.
I do have to agree that you should not be left in the dark, married or not his choices affect the whole family, if he starts looking at it that way maybe he will be more comfortable letting you in on what hes thinking? Not sure what I can say to help but I do agree with you on this, he should not keep things that can change others lives to himself. Hope things get better soon!

**Eyore** · 08-12-2009, 09:33 AM

I agree you shouldn't be left in the dark. Maybe sit down with him and tell him how you are feeling and that you don't like finding out by over hearing telling someone else. You should be the first person he tells not someone else.

**pepperpot** · 08-12-2009, 11:05 AM

If you 2 are in a relationship, then it should be a relationship.....this is something that affects both of you, your home and your family. If you are a family unit, then major decisions should be made together and major issues should be discussed. For me, this would qualify as a 'major decision'/issue and you should definitely have input.

**fleabones3** · 08-12-2009, 12:18 PM

I agree with everyone else. Not telling you how he is feeling about his job/income/boss/changing jobs means he is not comfortable about telling you about other personal issues. I dont know if its to keep you from worrying, but when they do that that makes you worry even more..

**Shann** · 08-12-2009, 02:42 PM

While I don't think you should be kept in the dark, maybe he feels you stress too much over that and doesn't want to let you know about it until he actually knows what is going to happen, not just what he feels. (Are you the type of person that stresses over the littlest things?) I'm sure he is thinking about 20 years from now, he just doesn't want to cause you undue stress. Have you talked to him about this?

**iluvmybaby** · 08-13-2009, 06:33 AM

Does he consult you on other things personal like this? Guys are not hardwired like us, most of them do not do the communication thing very well, they are not touchy feely discussy and often get angry at having to express themselves. Maybe that is who he is, or maybe he is scared and doesnt know how to express it since men are "not supposed to be afraid". I hope it works out for him and with you.

**jasmine** · 08-13-2009, 07:35 AM

Many men are proud in themselves when they are the provider and financially handle things. Maybe he's (I imagine he is) stressing, and feeling pretty low right now for possibly loosing his job, and feels pretty crummy in himself right now. Sometimes when men go through failure, they retreat in themselves and don't even want to discuss or share that even with their wives/girl friend etc.
Men seem to want a big pat on the back from now and then to stroke their ego, lets them know you are proud of them and supportive.
Maybe he's just feeling really low right now, and doesn't know how to talk to you about it, especially if he has been the provider for his family for all of these years. JMO

One of the things that caught me off guard a couple of years ago when I married, the preacher that married us said the words, through success or failure. I was like, WOW, huh, failure.
sorry to get off topic LOL.....

**Anniston** · 08-13-2009, 11:54 AM

Thanks everyone! Yeah, I do stress over things and worry more than he does, but I don't think I should be left in the dark because of it. I did tell him how I feel last night and it helped.

I am very worried about his job, but if he keeps me in the dark, I will have a fear of what is unknown to me, which is irrational as well.

He should know Monday what is going on. He feels like because he is the highest paid, they are trying to get him to quit by not offering him hours when some of the other guys are getting hours here and there. The whole company is slow.

Thanks again everyone.

**SLance68** · 08-13-2009, 12:10 PM

Does he know if they cut his hours that he possibly could still file for and collect unemployment? I bet the boss doesn't want him to know that. Tell him NOT to quit. There is a electrical contractor in our area that does that to people so they can't file for unemployment. I hope it works out for both of you.

**peaceluver** · 08-13-2009, 09:46 PM

I feel like you are talking about my DH. A little over a year ago we bought a new house, thankfully from some friends of ours but you know we still have to make the payments. 2 months after we bought the house my DH was laid off, what was so bad about the whole thing was everyone knew we were buying a house, if we were told DH was losing his job we would have stayed where we were at. DH is working but he makes nothing near what he was and I do work also but am limited with the kids. Now we are struggling to pay the bills and DH just says we will make it we always do. How in the world does he think that is helping ease my mind at all?

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