Hi Usually a lurker but need to vent

**catlingirl** · 05-28-2008, 07:36 PM

Hi sorry for this being my first post and all but I just need to vent.
For some reason my husband will not apologize for anything at all and its starting to frustrate me. He blames me for everything even if he did it. Take for example today he wanted me to call the bank to check to see how much money was in the account . So I did what he told me to do and it ended up being wrong so he blamed me and said I did it wrong even though he told me the wrong thing and he couldn't even apologize. There's just other stuff. We've been married 13 .5 years and its just really getting on my nerves. He's always right no matter what. Ive tried talking to him but he doesn't listen.Why is it soo darn hard for a 45 year old to apologize to his own wife?!!. I don't understand. And he doesn't get stuff for us unless he wants or needs it. Here's another example. We didn't have a couch for the longest time but his friend was coming over so he finally bought one even though my friend was coming over a lot before then. It hurts ya know.And he'll make jokes about my weight. He's a bully basically. How can I get it to stop? Any suggestions? Thanks for reading this and sorry if its too long.

**Advertisement** · 05-28-2008 07:36 PM

**MsLynn** · 05-28-2008, 07:39 PM

before i say anything let me say if you've been a lurker here you know that all the replies aren't gonna be what you wanna hear, please don't take it personal..

ok

all i can say is if its been going on this long, its probably not gonna stop now.. you've already tried talking to him and that doesn't work.. hunny if it were me, he'd come home one day and find all his stuff on the lawn.. and new locks on the doors.. you deserve better than that!!

oh and welcome to the boards

**tngirl** · 05-28-2008, 07:42 PM

Originally Posted by MsLynn

before i say anything let me say if you've been a lurker here you know that all the replies aren't gonna be what you wanna hear, please don't take it personal..

ok

all i can say is if its been going on this long, its probably not gonna stop now.. you've already tried talking to him and that doesn't work.. hunny if it were me, he'd come home one day and find all his stuff on the lawn.. and new locks on the doors.. you deserve better than that!!

oh and welcome to the boards

Yep, what she said. I just can't see how you took it for 13.5 yrs.

**iluvmybaby** · 05-28-2008, 07:48 PM

Originally Posted by catlingirl

Hi sorry for this being my first post and all but I just need to vent.
For some reason my husband will not apologize for anything at all and its starting to frustrate me. He blames me for everything even if he did it. Take for example today he wanted me to call the bank to check to see how much money was in the account . So I did what he told me to do and it ended up being wrong so he blamed me and said I did it wrong even though he told me the wrong thing and he couldn't even apologize.

The better question is, why are you married to a big, fat mean bully? I couldn't imagine someone berate me for 14, act like a jerk, and then never apologize. What is wrong with men?!?!

**Debbie** · 05-28-2008, 10:00 PM

tell him to go f..k himself,what a piece of ****!

don't sit back and take **** from anyone,backbone girl,get some

don't know you,but no one deserves to be talked to like that/no excuse

**Qtxann315** · 05-28-2008, 11:30 PM

I don't know how you could take it for so long, but go to marriage counseling and hopefully things will change. The hard part is getting your husband in there. GL

**Shann** · 05-29-2008, 01:01 AM

I'd pack my bags and leave the SOB. No one should ever be treated that way and there is no way I would ever allow myself to be treated like that, you deserve sooooo much better. and just b/c I'm so sweet I'd probably flip him the bird and spew a few not so nice words at him on my way out

**Char** · 05-29-2008, 01:25 AM

Sounds like your marriage has been all one-sided for 13.5 years, sad thing, but, you have allowed him to do this crap and get by with it.

He needs retrained... you have led him to believe that his treating you this way is ok.

If you really love him, I would insist on counseling, for you both. Him to see the error of his ways, and you, to learn how to NOT be a doormat. Otherwise, you've got another 13.5 years of the same old crap.

There are a bunch of things to look at... is he a good man in other ways ? Good provider, not physically abusive, takes care of 'man' things (repairs, yard, car ?? ) If he's worth holding onto, insist on the counseling... if he's agrees to it, wonderful, if not... then YOU have some decisions to make. Do you stay like it is, or do you walk... do you have support to leave him ? Financial means, a place to live, are there kids etc... There is never an easy answer when you're in this situation.

Best wishes to you... I hope you make all the right decisions.

**van1** · 05-29-2008, 03:26 AM

But if that isn't practical, or what you want....YOU go to counseling whether he will or not...It's not to get someone to agree with YOU that you go to counseling...it's to help center you, and then help you move forward,

Once again, get a list going...his good points on one side, negative on the other...be objective...it may help a lot..and then weigh your options.

Otherwise, give me your address...Darth Grannie will come with a posse of "been there-done that" ladies...

Viv, Just a Grannie in Michigan

**catlingirl** · 05-29-2008, 03:45 AM

Thanks everyone for the advice. Counseling does seem like a good idea, I will do that. I'm sure he wont but I will.

**Freebeemom** · 05-29-2008, 04:59 AM

I would opt for the counseling aspect. Otherwise start saving what you can. Sounds like you are having an "ah ha" moment.

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