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  1. #1
    belle5691's Avatar
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    How much do you get involved with parents problems as adults?

    All this stuff happened on Friday, and Im finally stressed so much I am physically sick.

    My parents came to visit me on Friday. When they arrived I knew they were not in a good mood. My dad is always a very grouchy person, has been all my life. Personally I have no idea why my mother married him in the first place. My mother isn't perfect either. When he gets grouchy, she gets moody. My mother is on Vicodin right now for something (She had a mastectomy in February--not sure if that is why or not), and made the comment that she forgot them. I offered her a Darvocet I had, which my dad make a comment "She don't need it." and kinda smirked where it was a "joke" but not a joke. Anyway, she got mad then. And started pouting. I let her use my phone to call her SIL since I have free long distance. She stayed on the phone with her for about an hour, but in the whole evening here, said maybe all combined 1/2 hours worth of talk to me. Anyway, we all went to bed about 10:30 since moods were not getting better. I woke up before 7am Saturday because my husband was telling me that my dad was in the car ready to leave and my mother was getting ready to walk out the door. I got up to tell them goodbye (and no, didn't walk out to the car to tell my dad), just my mom. About 2:30 I had my husband call them (I was driving) to make sure they made it home alright. They live about 2 1/2 hours away. He talked a bit, then handed me the phone, saying "It's not good.". Apparently--the moods continued (of course), they had words at some store they went to here, then after they got home....my father told her she was nothing but a grumpy old hag---and she proceeded to hit him in the mouth. Well, she wanted us to tell him on the phone that he cut her down in public all the time.

    My husband doesn't want to get in the middle, because he feels its not his place as they are my parents, not his. I don't because about 6 years ago, my dad --- along with my husband beat me up---while my mom cheered from the sidelines...saying hit her again, hit her again. I have no desire to be beat up again. Long story there.

    I talked to my brother after the incident--he lives in the same town as they do. He checked on them, apparently everything is okay now. She's laughing about it now. I'm not. They apparently aren't speaking to me because I wouldn't get in the middle of stuff. It is flipping crazy.

    My brother told me that my dad had the police called on him again---for something he repeatedly gets caught supposedly doing---but no one actually catches him at the time---just accuses. This is about the 10th time probably...but did they tell me. No--thank goodness...But still, when he gets caught and arrested, then they will call me wanting help with legal stuff (I sell a prepaid legal plan). LOL. Point is--I can't help him then after he is in jail, he's had the plan 2x and dropped it both times.....

    At this point, I just want to go as far away from parents as I possibly can, and change my name so they cant find me.

    Oh yeah, they are 65 and 71.....No apparent signs of alzheimers or stuff like that.

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  3. #2
    ahippiechic's Avatar
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    Seriously, you don't need that crap. I'd tell them to just stay away and leave you alone.
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  5. #3
    ladybugva's Avatar
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    so sorry ((hugs)) that you are stuck in the middle of all that. sounds like a bunch of junk you don't need.
    Moms of boys work from son up to son down and then they go on line to escape

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    WVCindy's Avatar
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    DUMP the husband.........any man that BEATS you up is not worth your breath and your parents can go live with him! Why would you stay with him and them after that? I am not better than anyone but I can assure you I am too good for that crap! Good luck.
    Aunt Cinnnnyyy

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    BeanieLuvR's Avatar
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    I would stay out of it. You don't need anymore aggravation. Hugs.

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    kelblend's Avatar
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    I'd stay out of it. I wouldn't initiate contact either. THey want to punish you because you didn't play their game. Oh, and if they beat you and she cheered, I don't understand talking to them ever again. That's just bullchit.

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  13. #7
    belle5691's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kelblend View Post
    I'd stay out of it. I wouldn't initiate contact either. THey want to punish you because you didn't play their game. Oh, and if they beat you and she cheered, I don't understand talking to them ever again. That's just bullchit.
    I didn't for about a year and a half.....then I don't know why I did...I imagine someone got sick or something. But have tried to remain just "neutral" and not initiate contact, and only do what is "required". When my mother got breast cancer, they hadn't talked to my brother in over a year at that time, and refused to tell him. Told me if he was to know, I had to tell him. So---I did. I just talked to him on the phone, and we are both just feeling the obligation or just not wanting the hassle and stress of NOT dealing with them. We are taking the chicken and easy way and just not doing anything. I know that is so wrong.

  14. #8
    belle5691's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WVCindy View Post
    DUMP the husband.........any man that BEATS you up is not worth your breath and your parents can go live with him! Why would you stay with him and them after that? I am not better than anyone but I can assure you I am too good for that crap! Good luck.

    I really do thank you for your comments. And to be honest, I don't have a good answer why I didn't leave.

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    kelblend's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by belle5691 View Post
    I didn't for about a year and a half.....then I don't know why I did...I imagine someone got sick or something. But have tried to remain just "neutral" and not initiate contact, and only do what is "required". When my mother got breast cancer, they hadn't talked to my brother in over a year at that time, and refused to tell him. Told me if he was to know, I had to tell him. So---I did. I just talked to him on the phone, and we are both just feeling the obligation or just not wanting the hassle and stress of NOT dealing with them. We are taking the chicken and easy way and just not doing anything. I know that is so wrong.
    No, actually I get the sense of obligation. I also know that after something happens, time goes by and that sense of obligation seeps back in. I'm not talking to my mother and I go back and forth with it. I do get it. I just hate to see someone go through all the stress that comes with it. My mom has said a lot of things and she won't even admit them to you if you try to converse with her. It's hard and drives me crazy. I'm not trying to tell you that you are wrong. It's that moral obligation to your parents thingee. lol I guess I think if my mom and dad had beat me, I'd have had an easier time cutting them off for good. However, I haven't had to deal with that, so I really wouldn't know. HOpe that makes sense.

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    Quote Originally Posted by kelblend View Post
    No, actually I get the sense of obligation. I also know that after something happens, time goes by and that sense of obligation seeps back in. I'm not talking to my mother and I go back and forth with it. I do get it. I just hate to see someone go through all the stress that comes with it. My mom has said a lot of things and she won't even admit them to you if you try to converse with her. It's hard and drives me crazy. I'm not trying to tell you that you are wrong. It's that moral obligation to your parents thingee. lol I guess I think if my mom and dad had beat me, I'd have had an easier time cutting them off for good. However, I haven't had to deal with that, so I really wouldn't know. HOpe that makes sense.
    Makes tons of sense....Thank you. I go back and forth a lot too. Something like the hitting thing happens---and I actually have a sense of relief--that Im finally done with them, then some life crisis happens and with only my brother and I, they choose one of us to play these crazy games with and drag us back into the mess....and like idiots---we go back in. LOL

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    Quote Originally Posted by belle5691 View Post
    All this stuff happened on Friday, and Im finally stressed so much I am physically sick.



    My husband doesn't want to get in the middle, because he feels its not his place as they are my parents, not his. I don't because about 6 years ago, my dad --- along with my husband beat me up---while my mom cheered from the sidelines...saying hit her again, hit her again. I have no desire to be beat up again. Long story there.

    That is sick, your mom told a man to beat you up?! Leave them alone, change your phone number, and dont share it with your family. If you insist of staying in touch with other family, call them 1x a week and block your number. Give out your email address instead of your #. Seriously, this is a toxic situation. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, I am dealing with a family member that is toxic

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