Thread: My 17 year old daughter is pregnant!

My daughter started complaining last week of some stomach discomfort and thought she had blood in her urine. My husband took her to the doctor's office today and and they went to the grocery store afterwards and he called me. When I asked him what the Dr. said he told me that our DD said she was too embarassed to tell him and said she would talk to me when they got home.
I talked to her alone and she finally told me that she's pregnant! She just turned 17 and is starting her junior year of high school. After we spoke I asked her to go to her room and I talked to her father and broke the news to him. We both remained calm and had her come in and we talked it over with her. We didn't yell or scream. We told her that we would never turn our backs on her and although we certainly were a bit disappointed we would support her 100%. We told her we loved her and that even though this was a reality for her, that school would be starting soon and this was not an excuse to screw up in school as she needed it now more than ever. We explained to her that this is a huge life changing decision and after an hour of talking we sent her back to her room. During this time the discussion also went to the "father" who graduated in May and is starting college in the fall. While it's true we don't necessarily like the boy we have let her make some decision as far as he is concerned because my parents did not like my husband whatsoever when we began dating and completely forbid me to see him at all. The day after I turned 18 I moved out, married him and 3 months later became pregnant with said daughter. I was a Senior in high school. I stayed in school (It was VERY tough being married, living on my own with my husband and being pregnant) But I did stay in school and graduated. We are still married, Still in love and I can only hope that for my DD. (by the way, My parents eventually LOVED him and realized he was a terrific person and could not have hand-picked anyone better) I have never forbid her to see her boyfriend but I have restricted it greatly even before this because I felt he was way too controlling. My parents would have put a stop to it in a heartbeat but I felt that might not be the way to go thinking it would draw them closer together in an attempt to "overthrow" the parents. His mother is no help whatsoever and since I just found out about this so far, as far as I know, she doesn't know about this.
To cut to the chase, I just spoke to my DD again asking her if she told the boyfriend. She had and then stated she thought the best thing was to get an abortion. I hate even typing that word. I feel like I don't want to sway her opinion in any way however, I feel so torn. My sister had an abortion around her age and she has had issues ever since. My parents put her in counseling, etc and she still has issues with her decision. I told my DD to not be swayed by what the BF had to say and that she really needed to think things through. I told her that as she gets older she may have a different way of looking at things and that she might have a problem with it later. Coming to grips with exactly what her decision entailed. Yes, I do have to admit that although I DO NOT want to become a grandmother at this time ( I am WAY too young!) that whatever she did decide might haunt her later in life.
I would never ever wish this burden on anyone and I know the pro-abortion people would come down on me hard for saying this but I truly don't want my DD to have any regrets later in life over this. I know my sister afterwards had tremendous problems conceiving afterwards, ectopic pregnancies, etc. And I also can not help feeling this is not a baby's fault for being conceived. And, of course, I feel terrible wondering what I could have done to make sure this didn't happened but that's really neither here nor there now.
I hate to sound wishy-washy but I have to say I am leaning towards right-to-life but when it's my own daughter I realize all of the concequences and responsiblitlies it entails and her future and just honestly do not know what to do. I do realize that no one can truely tell me what to do but any good advice you have to offer I would so appreciate. (By the way, my dd, I believe, see's adoption in the same light as having/keeping a baby)
Thank you guys...I know you'll shed some partial light on this.

((((HUGS))))

I'm not sure what the right answer is. I know friends who had abortions and had some who gave their baby up for adoption and to this day it haunts them. Is there anyway that you could partially raise the baby until she gets older and finishes school? Just thought I would throw the idea in there. Mostly, I would let her decide. She is the one that will have to live with whatever decision is made. If she isn't that far along I would tell her to take her time and decide, not let anyone influence her.

Thank God for people like you! I had to say that only because I have been so torn about this since I've found out (which is about 8 hrs ago!) My husband and I have been so excited about retireing(Not for a LOOOOOng time), etc However, I would GLADLY raise a grandchild (Like I said, Ha, I'm kind of way too young for this) But, I believe she would have so many regrets if she did at this age. My sister, as stated earlier, went through something along the same lines (she is a couple of years older than me) and she still has heartache over the ordeal. I honestly do not know what to do. Please don't chastize me, judge me or make me feel like a horrible parent like I already do. I'm just seriously looking for some advice and something to tell a 17 yo about the decisions she will be making that I haven't already thought of. I am so torn about this I can't even say....

Does she and the boy want to get married? That would be the best solution. People have done it for ages and do just fine if they are motivated. You did. It is hard but you did it with her.

I think she needs to consider all options. Talking to you about your experience. If you had an abortion she wouldn't be here today. Also she may need to talk to her aunt. Those issues that will haunt her can be told to her by her aunt if she is willing to open up.

And adoption is much better today. Open adoption is out there now. She will know the parents through the years and be able to see her child. Check with adoption agencies.

Good luck. I hope she makes the right decision. Like you said the decision she makes now will be with her the rest of her life.

Please don't let her kill her baby. Little miracles can work out with a little help from family and friends. I am a single mother of four great kids, I have always been single. That's just the way my life worked out. My oldest is now graduating from Kansas State, my next is being contacted by colleges across the country, he is 6'5", 215 lbs and a heck of a football player, my next just won MVP at his 15 yr old 'all star' baseball tournament, and my 11 yr old is good at just about everything! They are all honor students and hard working awesome kids. It's been hard and they are definitly not spoiled, but I like it that way. I just can't imagine my life without them!

DEEP BREATH!


Okay, Please let me say again that I DO NOT whatsoever believe that an abortion is the right thing whatsoever. I am totally with you guys on this! Absolutely! Let me reiterate that I married the day after I turned 18, (In November 1988) I was still a Senior in high school, became pregnant that February , living in an apartment with my husband (Who I am still married to after 17 years) and we now own our own home, have 2 cars, 2 girls and
I am at a loss for words. I sooooo do not want my DD to go through with an abortion. I feel it would kill me. I would always remember what that child could have been. Always. I just don't know what to do.....
I feel soooooooooooo terribly lost I just have no idea what on earth to do.

Originally Posted by janelle

Does she and the boy want to get married? That would be the best solution.

I completely disagree with this. Why would marriage be the best solution to an unplanned pregnancy? OP has already said she sees controlling tendencies w/ the bf and, IMO, pregnancy is one of the worst reasons to get married.
People should get married because they love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together; not because the woman is pregnant.