Thread: To Butterfly1

I don't know why the other thread was closed. I so wanted to talk to you about your 12 year old...

I have worked with mentally ill people for many years, and am bipolar myself. Your 12 year old is in a lot of pain, and cutting is a way to release some of it. I'm not advocating it by any means, and it IS a cry for help, but most cutters do NOT cut to kill themselves. Therapy can help him to find other methods to deal with it.

In my opinion, he should have been kept in the hospital until they could at least get his meds in order. He should be in counseling by a child psychologist, and it wouldn't hurt to have him seen by a psychopharmacologist (a psychiatrist specially trained in psych meds).

The poor thing is going to need years of counseling. I hurt for him, and for you. It isn't going to be easy or quick.

Your question as to his music... ALSO in my opinion, music can be very theraputic. Even if it isn't something you may agree with. Heavy metal music isn't necessarily bad. Many of the lyrics are dark, and something he may identify with. As long as he isn't aggressive toward others, it should be fine. I don't believe just listening to heavy metal can make a person a danger (Elvis was supposed to be bad for you too). The person has to have serious problems beforehand.... BUT like I said before, as long as he's not aggressive towards others, let him have it.

And one more... the church stuff. Right now, he probably believes God is at fault for taking his mother. He's really angry, and making him go to church will probably do more harm than good. Let him handle his belief (or lack of) by himself. If he decides in future that there is no God, it isn't a tragedy. I know many people who don't believe (my own son for one), and they are still moral, kind, caring, responsible people. A relationship with God is a very personal (and for many), private relationship.

As scha said, contact www.nami.org. They have excellent information there, and can point you in the right direction.

One more point: You are an angel for taking on the responsibility of these children. Not many would. And to care for one so much in pain and in need... I don't have the words to say for how much I admire you.

Linda

the thread was probably closed because she meantions about the type of music that he listens to and that would probably start a huge arguement.

Oh my, I never thought of people getting offended over not approving of certain music groups. Sorry to anyone I offended. Thanks llbriteyes for a very informative post.

Originally Posted by ahippiechic

My son listened to that kind of music and he turned out fine.

Good luck to you!

I never thought it would damage a normal kid.

I wasn't sure if a depressed kid could handle it. If a kid already thinking negative things, might find certain lyrics in certain music suggestive? Alex is like a kid standing on a cliff, just waiting for a push. I didn't want the music to be that push. I wouldnt think that if he didnt listen to it so much over and over. I wonder what he is thinking while listening to angry sounding stuff. Not naming bands. I hope I asked that more appropriately this time

If I didn't ask right this time, I won't try to ask again. I give up, lol

Alex did come up to me today and asked me why he was the only kid in his whole school without parents, and why him why not some other kid. I told him because he was chosen to be a special angel probably because the other kids were not as strong. He then said, "So you think I saved some other kid from going through this?" I said, "Something like that."

I know that sounds corny, but at least he communicated. That was all I could think of to say, but I knew I needed to say something right then while he was opening up..

Atleast he is starting to talk to you, that is good thing. I do hope things work out for you and you can get the help you need to take care of them. I think your other post was locked because of a few who were argueing on there, which that is my own opinion. if you ever need anyone to talk to, you can pm me. I have a son who is 11 now and he has Bi-Polar and also been hospitalized over his moods, and actions, so even though he has never cut his self or anything like that, or lost his mom, which he did lose his dad at a young age due to drunk driving, I can relate to some sort. Just trying to let you know that there are people on here who do care.

take away his music and you'll only alienate him more. i for one think that would be a huge mistake. he's already lost enough as it it.

Originally Posted by deja

take away his music and you'll only alienate him more. i for one think that would be a huge mistake. he's already lost enough as it it.

Originally Posted by sweetstar

My prayers! You're a very strong woman...we are all proud of and support you.

This is my opinion only, but I would take the music away from him. I think if he is/was showing suicidal tendencies, then the music could only push him over the edge. I can't help but think about a case I read about a boy who was listening to some song (I can't remember what it was now) over and over and over again and committed suicide because the lyrics kept "telling" him to. It was heartbreaking. I know that can sound silly but I wouldn't want to chance anything, especially with the boy in the state that he is in. You can never be too careful. Again, just my opinion. There's nothing wrong per se with the music, of course. But it's not for him, not right now.

Please be comforted in knowing that we're thinking about you and our thoughts and prayers are with you.

Now, if I could just smush both your brains together, you'd see my brain. I am so confused.

I agree with you both.. His mom bought him the music and that would affect him if I took it away, yet I worry about what the lyrics might be doing to him if I don't..