my sisters

[bell_peaches]

I have two sisters one live in fl by me the other is in NJ Well sister in NJ is in the hospital she is an alcoholic (SP?) she has hepititis c she is gaundis(sp?) yellow liver not working. she will not stop drinking even though she was told she will die. She is going through dts right now. We keep geting reports that she may not make it. I talk to her at least once amonth even though I have done tough love on her for over 10 yrs now. I can't take her calling and talking about the past. the life we had to grow up in. she keeps talking about my mother wich has passed. I don't want to remember the past It is the past I have my life and my kids. I was raped molested and my mother called me a lier. she did nothing to help us girls just as long as she could keep her life style she took me on her affairs she was having i would be swiming watching tv or doing something when she was occupied. I was made to lie to my father. I was beat so bad I would have to wear jeans and turtle necks in the summer to cover the belt buckle marks all over my body.my sisters were treated the same way. But why do they think I am such a cold b**** because I hold no respect at all for my mother. I don't want to remember her. now my sister here in Fl says I have to call my sis in NJ because she may not make it. Why bother she has Dts so bad she doesn't know anyone she is vilolent she says people are poking their heads through the wall to talk to her. she is screaming because snakes are on her and it is her IV and cathider. My neice said she talked to the head nurse to day they said if you tried talking to her now she is like taking to an alzhimer(sp?) patient. I just got a job last week and my sister here in Fl says I have to go to NJ. well no My family needs food and me. nobody helped me all those years. I always took the beating and stood in front of the knives my mother pulled. I have done my job I love them but I love my husband and children more I am not going to max out my credit cards to go to NJ If my sister does die There will be no funeral or wake she will go straight form morge to grave. I talked to my sister last week in Nj I told her I love you but I have a life now my life is not in the past. my life is with my family living in this house. I love you but If you can't stop drinking I can't keep taking your calls she has been in this hospital 5 times in the last year with dts she was suppose to stop drinking to treat her hep c. Nobody wants to deal with her when she is drinking and so nasty. but as soon as I say I am not dropping everything to call her or go there I am wrong and I am told that I don't love her. Well I love her I love the old sister not this one that has threatend to slice my throat and hurt my kids I remember the sister I use to try and protect. and I was the middle child. I know I am probley wrong but I give up And I just don't care anymore Go ahead and flame me I am most likley wrong but I can not deal with this anymore sorry I just had to get this out And I know this is very long

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[queenangie]

So sorry to hear about your sister's health problems.

Bringing up painful childhood history and hurts makes it equally difficult.

You cannot make a person stop her drinking...only she can do that herself. Your encouraging her to stop is a good thing, but only she can stop for herself.

It sounds to me that your other sis is handling her hospitalization at this point.

Going to NJ will be your decision. It sounds like you and DH have already discussed this and you've made the choice.

Should the hospitalized sister pass on in NJ, when your other FL sister comes home, could you then have a Memorial Service in FL?
You could go to a favorite park or a cemetery w/ just your families, sing songs,
read Bible verses, and share some special happy memories.
This would have no cost and involve both you and your other FL sis.
This is just a thought.

Sending you warm hugs!

[YankeeMary]

I am so sorry for what you have lived through, but you have decided to live the way you want to now and if that doesn't include the sisters then honey that is fine. You have paid your dues and owe no one anything. Don't feel quilty, we all have to make decisions for ourselves and you have chose to live the right way, you shouldn't have to live with her or her ways. Keep your head up, I think you are doing what you need to do to survive and I am proud of you. I will pray for stength for you and pray for your sisters.God Bless.

[Angel Lips]

I am sorry that you had/have to go through this, the choices you make in your life is what matters dont let someone else make you feel guilty or anything, stick to your words and be strong. sending you some hugs. ((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))

[MamaFairal]

Coming from one of America's most dysfunctional families(yes me!)
All i can say is that even if it runs up your phone bill right now just keep calling sis in NJ to let her know you love her.......you may not get another chance if she passes.

My older sis died 9/00 and she had Hep C also........its a terrible decease

You cant change the past but you can live in the present and if your other sister cant understand that let her buy your plane ticket...jmho!
Good luck and my prayers are with you {{prayers}}

[bell_peaches]

Thank You everyone. If my sister in NJ makes it through the dts I will try calling her then. Her daughter tried talking to her and she did not know who she was or remember the grand kids. She is talking about past boyfriend being with her and nobody was there at that time. this is real hard right now. I did allow her to come here and visit around easter But she was like a tean Ager she kept running away to bars and someone would have to go get her. She is a nasty drunk. I realy tried to bond with her when she came but it is useless. she was suppose to be dry when she came here. I guess I never learn. Her daughter live 15 minutes from me and I never talk bad about her mom around her. she had to go to the bar and get her mom 4 times. She says I am her kids grandma because I am the only one that will take the time out of life and get the kids watch them and spoil my nefews. I am still trying to make up for things my sisters do. but when it comes to kids the are inisint (sp?) thanks again everyone I guess this is the only place I can turn for this right now. Thanks

[tsquared]

I will keep you and your family in my prayers.........

[VALENA-)45]

(((((((((((((Bell Peaches)))))))))))))))

[schsa]

Ypu don't have to be the family caretaker. You have your own family. As far as I am concerned, you are doing the right thing. Your sisters have chosen their lives and you have chosen yours. Keeping in touch does not mean flying to look after them every time they screw up.

Follow your gut feeling.

[captorquewrench]

mixed feelings on how to respond to this.

my sister died last week from alcohol abuse. we hadn't been in touch for a couple of years, even tho she lived next door to my mom (we kinda ept up thru the grapevine) so you can maybe imagine some of the guilt we're all feeling right now, but it doesn't come close. i tried to h elp her but backed off. maybe she wouldn't have died if I had tried harder. i guess like me you have to do what you can where you can and let go when & where you can't. no matter what you do it will always feel like you could have done more.



im not even going to try to put it in words. i cant come back in thsi thread.

[schsa]

Cap, do not feel guilty. Do not say what if? You can what if yourself forever and have no answers. You are not responsible for how she lived her life. She made decisions that you had no control over. If you had had that much influence over her life she would not have ended up the way she did.

People make choices about how they will live their lives. And they aren't always good choices. As long as you tried before you cut her off, then you did your part. Do not carry around the pain that she left behind because she was so selfish with her own life. Don't do it. You don't have to make that choice either.