To make matters worse...

**llbriteyes** · 04-30-2004, 12:28 PM

As most of you have read, my 22 year old son and his 19 year old girlfriend are pregnant.

Two wrongs don't make a right.

They're thinking about getting married.

ARG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Advertisement** · 04-30-2004 12:28 PM

**ezmoney163** · 04-30-2004, 01:38 PM

((((HUGZ))))

Make sure you tell them that... Let them know that marriage is not always the answer to having a baby, make sure they are doing it for the right reasons. You are a good mom, so speak your mind and maybe your son will concider it!!

**momfromTN** · 04-30-2004, 03:13 PM

Well, if they go ahead and do it, there is nothing anyone can do about it. I would just be as supportive as possible and by all means DO NOT criticize her to him. (you don't sound like you would do that) He is an adult, and while I agree that not all people in this situation should marry, I do applaud him for trying to do the right thing. A lot of guys just cut and run. Yours is at least trying to be an adult about it.

**DaLilPeachy** · 04-30-2004, 03:43 PM

bad bad bad!

**VALENA-)45** · 04-30-2004, 05:30 PM

i AGREE WITH MOM AND EZ. YOU ARE A GOOD MOTHER AND I THINK YOU SON IS ONE IN A MILLION MEN, A VERY GOOD MAN FOR TRYING TO DO THE RIGHT THING. HE IS TAKING RESPONSIBLITY FOR HIS ACTIONS. AND THAT IS A GOOD THING. YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND HAVE TAUGHT HIM WELL. CONGRATULATIONS.

**Myamara** · 04-30-2004, 06:00 PM

I was in a similar situation.......had been with the guy for only a month before i found out i was pregnant. I was only 19...he was a little older. We got married 4 months later.....just be as supportive as you can....my family was very supportive and this year will be 7 years of marriage.....we have two beautiful children now and a great life.....no matter what happens....just be supportive.

Julie

**GAWildKat** · 04-30-2004, 06:25 PM

As both a mother and a daughter in law I speak on this post. My hubby and I have been together since 2001 and last year we were told by my ob/gyn that I could get pregnant again (I have/had cervical cancer). We didn't tell any of our family we planned to get pregnant because A. we weren't married B. No matter what it wouldn't be recieved well on either side of the family. My mother and I do not have a loving relationship, in fact she's quite abusive to me. My MIL has hated me from the beginning of DH's and my relationship, mainly because he moved away from her to live with me. She's been very hurtful and spiteful to me to the point of verbal abuse and lying to hubby to try and get him to leave me. Last week she tried to get him to go home to her and leave me and the kids by trying to humilate him to his face. I would like nothing more than to have a mother/daughter relationship with her but she refuses to allow me in her life. I have to accept that I cannot have a relationship with her or my mother and that I seem to only have a strong relationship with my FIL (my father has passed on). I don't know your situation except by what you have posted here, but please think twice about passing judgement on the girl, she may need a mother figure in the times ahead and best that you show her a positive about MIL's. I often cry because I have no mother figure I can go to and cry on or get advice from or just do things with.

**schsa** · 05-01-2004, 05:53 AM

Support them while they are together and then be there to comfort your son when it ends. They may make it or they may not but in order to keep the peace and your son's love, don't be critical. He needs you and your love now more than ever.

**Tasha405** · 05-01-2004, 06:48 AM

Originally Posted by momfromTN

Well, if they go ahead and do it, there is nothing anyone can do about it. I would just be as supportive as possible and by all means DO NOT criticize her to him. (you don't sound like you would do that) He is an adult, and while I agree that not all people in this situation should marry, I do applaud him for trying to do the right thing. A lot of guys just cut and run. Yours is at least trying to be an adult about it.

ITA!

**llbriteyes** · 05-01-2004, 11:31 AM

Originally Posted by GAWildKat

mother and that I seem to only have a strong relationship with my FIL (my father has passed on). I don't know your situation except by what you have posted here, but please think twice about passing judgement on the girl, she may need a mother figure in the times ahead and best that you show her a positive about MIL's. I often cry because I have no mother figure I can go to and cry on or get advice from or just do things with.

I understand where you're coming from.... I'm going to answer all these wonderful posts here with one big one, and will be addressing this one as well. Thank you so much. You sound almost like her, as far as her mother/grandmother/father hating her. I'm the only "real" mothr figure she has....

L

**llbriteyes** · 05-01-2004, 11:48 AM

k.... Thank you everyone for responding.

Randy knows that no matter what I will be behind them 100%. I'd rather die than to cause a wedge between us. The rest of my family is like that too. No matter what they decide to do, I'm there. I told them they can even live here for as long as they need to, until they can save up enough to be out there on their own (that kind of includes after the baby is born, and upto the time she can go back to work). I have offered my services to them to babysit (every day for the rest of my life if they'll let me!).

I have told them that even though they ARE pregnant, they don't HAVE to get married, but if they do, I'd be happy to help make it exactly what they want it to be. I even gave her the free State Farm Wedding Planner I got from these boards. I asked (because they are both agnostic) that they consider a pastor to officiate. I told them that a pastor has a more flexible schedule and can go to other venues easier than a JOP.

There are many things I can do personally for them regarding a wedding, that would cost them MUCH more if they did them "professionally." ie. invitations, cake, favors, decorations, etc. I also know they can borrow as many chairs as they need from places like the church or even the funeral home. I offered whatever services they need from me. He!!, I can even do the photography if needed.

As far as supporting my son, that goes without saying. I'm VERY pleased he wants this baby. He's getting really excited. I'm glad for that. He NEEDS to be a very active part of this baby's life. As far as Christine is concerned... That's another story. I will always love her for giving me a grandchild. She's welcome in my house anytime. I keep telling her I love her, and hugging her, hoping that someday soon it will be so. I've told her she can always come and talk to me. I've been there, done that. She will be moving in soon. She knows when she does, this is HER house too. She knows I have very few rules, and that as an adult, she needs to pick up after herself, NOT ask if she can eat/drink/bathe, etc., and do "her" family's laundry. I don't like other people actually cleaning my house, so that's not a problem.

I hope that eventually, she will trust me. She now lives in her grandmother's house with her mother, father, two younger brothers and two younger sisters. There is an older sister who is married and gone. The house they live in is nasty. Filthy. Roaches. Both her parents are alcoholics, and can't be bothered to deal with any of the kids. Her parents actually hate her. Her grandmother was throwing all her clothing and stuff out of the window a few days ago. I, personally, believe she's been sexually abused... by her father.

Bottom line with her is, she's mentally messed up. She needs love. She needs to have it shown, and she needs to hear it. I want her to have the least stressful pregnancy she can, which is why I'd like to have her here. She isn't my favorite person in the world (she still doesn't talk much, and the moodswings make me crazy), but with time and love, hopefully, we can come together.

Linda

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