Thread: What the heck do I do....

So today I’m recovering from having one of my implants put in to save my teeth (actually I’m not doing badly, just tired from the drugs from the dentist) so I slept, got up went grocery shopping which was needed badly (was going to do it yesterday, but was hurting a bit too much from a fall down the stairs, yup I’m having a week, so I didn’t go till today), hubby carries it all in, while he’s doing so he tells me my cell phone has been ringing like mad (I left it home).
I check my messages, it’s a friend of mine "M" saying “I really need to talk to somebody”, I tell her ok, I can get out in about an hour, or just come to the house now, the kid’s will be in bed soon, I go to a nearby bar to meet her...
So over the course of the night she tells me she’s been crying for no reason, not eating or sleeping and finally slipped back into doing drugs (now this is a good person with great potential who has had problems in the past been thru rehab, and I thought was doing good). I try to tell her to go to her doctor and talk about it, but she refuses, says “there can’t be something wrong with me, I have to be there for my friends” and that "A" (her "best friend") will blame it on her being pregnant ("A" is pregnant, not "M" who I'm talking about), and that when she tried to talk to "A" she just got yelled at..and to let her run her course and she’ll be fine..I tried to tell her she needs to be there for herself, and offer my father to talk to(who is a ____-anon counselor) but she won’t listen.
She begs me not to tell her “best friend” because her friend is newly pregnant and will blame herself (her “best friend” is one of those where if anything goes wrong it’s her fault)or her own parents (who have been there thru everything and relocated here to keep her out of trouble), as well as somethings I never knew but give me a bit of insight to her attitude.

I can’t help but feel her calling me was a cry for help, but I can’t do anything for someone not willing..

Right now she’s passed out on my couch (and even as well as I think I know her I hid my purse & keys, we do have 2 cars), I left my car at that bar and fought her to get her keys & drove her truck to my house..I don’t know what else to do..

Talked to hubby briefly, who tells me not to call my dad and get him involved, but he's the only person I know that has been there and can help..

guess it's my night to say thanks, 38 views and no advice..I'm gonna try for more sleep, figure I'll leave her keys with the rest of her things and let it up to her when she wakes up

SouthOSane it isn't that no one wants to try to help you, it is probably because no one really knows what to say...I do hope she gets the help she needs hun....The only advice that I can give, is just to try to be there for her if she needs you.....Hope everything works out for her....

(((((HUGS)))))

I agree with FreebieCyn, I don't think anyone really knows what to say.

But FWIW, if you trust this girl so little that you feel the need to hide your purse and keys, why did you bring her to your house???

I think your friend thrives on too much drama in her life and is trying to suck you into it...concentrate on you and getting better. When people see you don't play into their drama, they back off. Tell her you need to get better and catch up with her at a later time.

I can sympathize with you about wanting to help you friend, but she has to take responsibility for her own actions. I know...I am dealing with someone close to me who keeps turning back to drugs and giving me all kinds of excuses as to why. Until you friend decides to get help and she is the one who has to come to that realization all you can do is be there for her and give her support. As to her not sleeping and eating that could be the drugs.


jerseygal

Well, I have a different opinion...I think that if you know you can rely on your dad, then by all means, talk to him.Two things could happen: 1. That he can give you some good advice, keep it anonymous and she would never know but you would be in a better position to be there for her. 2. That he does approach her with offerings of help and she gets mad a feels hurt by your actions which could result in your friendship dissolving even if briefly.

But honestly, how much of a friend can she be now if she's drugging and you can't trust her in your house? Logically and emotionally she can't hold it against you forever for just wanting to help in the best way you know how but if you were to not try and help, that could come back in years to come against you.

I hope it all works out for you in whatever you decide to do.

Having a spouse that at one time was into drugs deep and heavy I have to say, until they want help they won't take it, you can't stop them from living their life the way they want and you can't control the situation no matter how much you want to help this person. You have to tell her, I will help you get into a rehab or some place to get clean, and I will support you through it emotionally if you need but if you refuse help then I can't do anything for you. That is when you tell her she is an adult and you can only help her if she accepts it. You have your own health and family to worry about. No reason to allow yourself to be worn to a frazzle and be on edge if she won't take the help you offer.

There is little that can be done unless she is willing to get help and stay clean. You can encourage her to do so but that's all that you can do. I would encourage you to practice tough love. It may save your relationship.

sorry for griping, it's just got me stressed, as for trusting her, I do trust her the person, I do NOT EVER trust someone on drugs to leave my keys & money laying around, not that I think in my heart she'd take them, but I don't know her high.
I wouldn't let her drive last night because on top of doing what she's doing she had spent the night drinking, at the time all I could get her to agree to was crashing on my couch. And she crashed, this morning she asked how she'd gotten here, and never even realized I'd put her keys w/ her stuff.
She was clean for the past 6 years, we've been friends for the last two, she also told me after rehab she never went for counselling once she got out.
I don't want or need drama, but I don't want to just turn my back (I guess I'm really stuck on thinking her calling & wanting to talk to someone was asking for help, why tell me), I tried offering to check her into detox at the hospital last night, maybe I'll offer once more when she's at least not on alcohol too..I'm not sure I care if she hates me if I try to get her help, what good is it for me to have a drugged out friend...