Husband vent...advice needed

[briansgirl]

Well this is my first v/w post, and I apologize in advance for it being long and kinda confusing but I'll do my best to fill ya'll in.

DH and I have been married for 4 years now, together 10. We've been together since we were 17 and met in hs. Both of us grew-up in the town we're currently living in, I love it-he hates it. ANYWAY a couple of years ago we move to a town 30 mil or so north of here. It worked out really well and DH loved it cuz we were kinda isolated from everyone. He is NOT a people person-I am or will have to be with my chosen profession (accounting). So this year I got a full-ride scholarship to the state university, but the campus is a 40 minute drive from where we were living and even though he doesn't want to, he agrees to move back home so I can be closer to school. I find an apartment in my best friend's complex and handle everything for moving. Actually he started a new job in December working 2nd shift and I have handled everything ever since. Groceries, housework, laundry...I do it ALL with little or no help from him...except he pays the bills since I don't have a job. I don't really see anything wrong with this cuz he works ALOT, like 50+ hours a week.

Anyway...ever since we've moved here anything that goes wrong has been my fault. The tags are expired on his truck and we got a notice from the complex that it will be towed if not updated...he calls and yells at me (hangs up on me!) and tells me to "get it done"-We should have updated plates to begin with, but of course it's my fault. It just seems like everything is my fault, no matter what I have done something to cause it and should be able to fix it. I just don't know how much more I can take, I know he didn't want to move back home, but he said he would to support me. Just doesn't feel like support, more like trying to make my life a living hell. Anyway...any advice you guy may have for me would be appreciated...I want to try and talk to him but what do I say??

TIA, and sorry for it being long
Sarah

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[nosamiam]

Why doesn't he want to live there? You should sit down and have a talk with him. I don't really have any advice. Just communicate with him.

[Tasha405]

Why doesn't he want to live there? You should sit down and have a talk with him. I don't really have any advice. Just communicate with him.

ITA! Sit down and talk to him to find out whats bothering him or why he has such an attitude over everything. It doesn't have to be a screaming match, just sit down and talk like adults. I hope you get everything worked out. (((Hugs)))

[lassss]

It sounds like he resents you for having to move where he didn't want to...maybe talk with him and tell him once you are finished with school that the two of you can move back to where ya were or some place else. 40 minutes isn't that bad..heck my dad drove 90 miles a day from jersey to delaware for his job (he was a senior architect for Dupont) ...because both my parents didn't want to move to del..sometimes ya make sacrfices for what's really important. Sit down and discuss what's really important to each of you and compromise...good luck

[mesue]

If he is not the type to be able to listen and talk it out, my hubby isn't, write him a letter and let him know how you feel and of course don't forget to let him know how much you appreciate him making the sacrifice and all, add the good with the argument, works best that way for me. BTW your hubby though he might not show it might be a bit on the jealous side, he may not like sharing you with your friends since you are a people person and he might be feeling insecure and resenting anytime you spend with friends or at school. And since he doesn't want to admit it, he might not even recognize that is the problem or tell you this he shows his frustration and anger by acting this way. My advice is to give him more of your attention if you can. Good Luck!

[DivineMsDi]

If you have been together 10 years, I hope you can talk to each other. Maybe he hates being in the town because he wants to be in a different world. you know. It is hard to grow up and stay in your hometown. I have gone and come back here a few times and know I hate it.

Also, since he "works" and you "don't" (living this for the last 7 years myself) he may resent that.

Or, perhaps he just wants to vent at someone, and you happen to be an easy target.

Good luck. Men are strange creatures.

[DAVESBABYDOLL]

Communication is the key.After you are done with school,would you be willing to move?If you are,tell him.


Good luck.

[redrig]

Sit down and talk and both of you will probably have to compromise. He may be still upset that he had to move back; he may be jealous that you got a full boat scholarship that pays for your education, but HE still has to pay the living expenses; he may just be grumpy from working second shift. When my DH worked sec ond shift he could be kind of grumpy...getting home at 11 at night, and of course you can't go right to sleep, you gotta eat, and unwind and stuff. So he'd come to bed around 3 or so, but if you sleep with the windows open, most of the rest of the world is getting up and making noise around 6, and even after you still have noise outside, so you have disrupted sleep patterns, and that can make anyone grumpy.

Don't have any answers, just my own personal experience. And {{hugs}}}

[joni1269]

I bet he is unhappy about the move. Also, speaking as a wife of a man who has worked 60-75 hours weeks for 13 years - they get burnt out easily. He may just be stressed out. Can you get away for a weekend?

[Shann]

Aww honey, where have you been? It sounds like things are rough for you. {{{hugs}}} I agree, talk it out with him and let him know that this is only temporary.. just until you finish school. I understand you wanting to live closer to the university.. shall I say parking?!?!? That's always fun in IC. So it does make sense that you live where you are, besides, what does CR have that Coralville doesn't? (personally, I loved living there.. minus the fact it was in IA.) Now about the plates... he needs to be a big boy and realize it is his car and that is his responsiblity.. he knows when his bday month is, therefore he should know when his plates need to be renewed. Let him know that if he doesn't start treating you better, when I get back in the spring, I'll find him and kick him in the butt for ya!

[cch]

Sounds like he's stressed and taking it out on you. Maybe if he found a 1st shift job and you two could spend more time together, talking, snuggling, whatever relaxing, then he wouldn't be so edgy.