need advice on son who is kinda whimpy

[Lilpetie]

I know whimpy isnt a good word maybe puney is better but heres the story
My son is 11. He has always been a super sensitive person and some times that is great but now that he is growing up in age it is causing problems. 3 weeks ago a 2nd grader hit him in the nose. He just sat there and took it. So we had to long talk and he always gets angry and cries. In any sports he isnt aggressive or assertive enough to even look age comparible to the others. He is in basketball right now and has improved slightly from last year but even this one lil boy that is half his size and has always been shy is more aggressive than him. My son cries at anything. Even in front of kids. We have tried to talk calmly to him. He gets frustrated and mad and wont even listen to us. Last night was the last straw. He had a game and played the first quarter. It was torture to watch him. He would just stand in front of his guy trying to block him and the kid would outrun and out maneuver him. When they threw the ball his way he just kind of stood there. (and no it isnt the coaches fault they work with him). So naturally he sat on the bench the better part of the game. He was like this in Baseball and flag football also. He loves sports and I even suggested to him that maybe he isnt the right person for sports. He got mad and stomped off. We try to work (practice) with him but step dad isnt the best in this area. My son cries if kids call him names etc. Being sensitive can be a good thing but for a boy it seems it is tough. We have tried so hard to "toughen" him up saying life has many trying times but he just doesnt even try or listen. He even got so mad last night and was crying he said "mom I am so mad I could kill myself" I was shocked and bluntly told him I never want to hear that again. I dont know what to do. I suggested counceling but says all the kids will make fun of him. I told him they wont know if you dont tell them. OHHHHHH what do I do. I love this child with my heart and soul. He is my only child. But he has to grow up

[Advertisement]

[LitWtch]

Perhaps a group sport isn't what he needs. Look into karate or gymnastics where he can work on his "self" skills to build confidence and focus.

[llbriteyes]

Originally posted by LitWtch
Perhaps a group sport isn't what he needs. Look into karate or gymnastics where he can work on his "self" skills to build confidence and focus.

I agree with this, and have more to add...

First and foremost, let your child be who he is. Do not make the mistake of molding him into what you think he should be. Let him know you love him for who he is. Pushing them makes them fight all the more. Does he have chores? He should at his age. It makes children feel part of the family, and gives them confidence that they can do something and do it well.

Second, about counseling, you are the adult. Period. Your word should be final. If he doesn't want to go into it alone, you could do the family counseling thing. Therapists evaluate the whole package instead of singling out one person.

Third, I know what its like to have a super sensitive child. My youngest daughter still is. Its nice to have that sensitivity, but it can cause problems. Amy went through some horrendous times in grade school and then later in high school. She's now in college and doing very well. She is still super sensitive, but she's learned how to deal with it.

I liken it to potty training. Yeah, you go through some really rough times, but by the time they're adults, they've learned to deal with it.

Good luck.

Linda

[kvmj]

I think that I would put him in counselling anyway. Ask around first (start with his doctor) for the name of a good counsellor.

If he continues to act like this in Middle School... think abou the consequences.

[Lori63]

I agree with above advice. I read this earlier and have been thinking about it before replying. The above advice is what I would do.

[turbob]

My son was the same way. He was miserable at sports - he finally joined the marching band and got involoved with the school newspaper. Also - when you said "I never want to hear that again" - I know what you meant but your son might not. Please encourage him to continue to talk to you.

[lassss]

How about more mind challenging quests instead of sports like chess, trivia, debate. My son, who isnt shy, nor *wimpy* tried just about every sport but wound up quitting after just a month of trying. He didn't want to *tackle* anyone in football because he thought they wouldn't be their friend. He quit wrestling becasue it wasn't WWE. He played two season of soccer but outgrew it. But he kicks my a$$ in chess, trivia, PS2 etc. It seems your son just hasn't found what he excels in yet and when he does, his self esteem and confidence will go way up.

[Hillbilly]

I agree with some of the others,there are all sorts of activities he could get involved in.My son is six,and he does like basketball and baseball,but his love is music.He is very shy,but he tried out for choir and was one of very few first graders that got chose for the Dolce Voce choir at his school.He loves to sing and listen to music.He is wanting to take guitar lessons really bad,so we bought him a nice little student guitar.He will be taking guitar lessons from musician/singer Steven Curtis Chapman's father,beginning in March.He also got a new set of drums for Christmas,he loves them.I had to have hubby move them to the garage though,got to where I could not handle them in the house. Anyway,there are lots of alternatives to basketball,football,soccer,etc.Maybe you could talk to him and see if he would like to get involved in music,karate,or even art.I really would love to get my son involved in art lessons.My old high school art teacher opened up a store and is giving art lessons and I'm going to call her and see what all is involved and how much she charges.Most kids would probably love art lessons.Just a thought.

[Dolly<3]

That has to be hard for him, but I'm sure he's not the only little boy like that. What are his friends like? I agree with everyone else, and also you could tell him to invite his friends over or encourage him to play with the neighborhood kids that are more like him. A strong friendship will help him a lot.

[belcherpi]

My oldest son was wasn't very aggressive as far as sports when he was younger. He played them all and liked playing them. He eventually quit everyone of them. It upset me because I wanted him involved in something, some kind of extra curricular activity. He joined the Jr. high band and after a couple of years decided that wasn't the thing for him. He has now found something he is interested in.....computers. He has taken several computer classes offered in school and is doing great. Some may say "computer geek" but hey look at Bill Gates.LOL And the most important thing as far as I'm concerned, he's happy with what he's doing and plans on having a career in it.

[Lilpetie]

Thank you so much for all of your suggestions.

We had a talk this morning. I talked very calmly (again) to him this morning before school and I ask him if he "wanted" to play sports. He said very firmly "yes mom, I like it". So I had the lil engine that could talk. I also suggested with him that : "I bet you that if you went to your coach and said I really want to learn this bad can you help me a little more" that maybe this would help.
The problem is this. We have always lived in the country. We also live in a very rural lil town. They only offer 3 sports to the kids. BLAHHHHHHH. I have even suggested moving to a larger area so that he would have more possibilities not only in curricular activities but in schooling but hubby wont move and actually son doesnt want to either. SO I am stuck. WE do however have a TIA KWON DOE class and that is a wonderful idea.
As for his friends. He hangs with everyone. He loves all the kids in school but his best buds seem to be the ones that excel the most in sports. (go figure) He has had sleep overs but lets put it this way the phone isnt ringing off the wall. But when I watch them at school they all seem to like him.
I truly believe he has ADD. But not the hyper kind and has been diagnosed but we went thru every med and he couldnt tolerate any of them (reacted).
He is also in band but doesnt seem to be "pumped" about that.
Your right it is very hard. It tears at me to see him tear up over the smallest of things. As for pushing him in sports I tell him it is HIS CHOICE.
Counceling to me sounds like the best idea. I am just afraid with his personality that he will take it as being punished.