Abusers and Rapists - I hate them all! - Update

I just wanted to update everyone that knows me or has read my posts in the past. Just more drama in my life.

Things are as bad as ever. I hate my life. I swear it's never going to get better. Everyone says I'm so strong for dealing with all of this, but I feel so weak.

I'm just going to go back and update as far as June.

If you all remember I left my husband in April, which I thought was great. In May I lived a happy life. I kept busy and had fun. Then June comes around and things started getting shaky for me again. I felt good and quit taking my meds (big mistake) because I didn't think they were doing me a whole lot of good.

I met a great friend in May who I thought understood everything I was going through. It wasn't a sexual relationship, just a friendship and someone to do things with. In the beginning of June he wanted more and I didn't want to give it. I wasn't ready for that type of relationship. One night he got drunk and tried to force me into doing things with him and I said no and he started getting physically abusive towards me. I immediately left when I was able (when he passed out because he was so drunk). I was scared and didn't know where to turn and turned to my husband. Big mistake. He just told me it was my fault. I went to the shelter again. Within days I was talking with my friend again because he said he didn't know what he was doing and he was so drunk and I was so beautiful he couldn't handle himself.

So we were friends again. Eventually the same thing happened and I was in a situation in him home where he would NOT let me leave. I yelled and screamed, but nobody came to my rescue. He was stronger than me and forced sex on me, I still wouldn't accept it and tried to fight back. It made him more mad and start beating me. Anyway, he got what he wanted and I got a trip to the emergency room. I went through humiliation being examined, pictures taken of the injuries and so on. He's in jail right now. He was charged with 3rd and 4th degree sexual assault. He's not taking the plea bargain so I have to go and testify in August at his trial. I'm so scared.

So what do I do? Yes, I go crying to my husband. He pretends he cares, but blames me. He tells me he is going to rent me an apartment of my own so I can be "safe". Only to realize now it's because he needs to control me and my every move. We didn't even go through the good phase of everything being good between us. It went straight to him hitting me. I couldn't handle anything anymore so on Friday I left the apartment and went and hid. He broke into my apartment over the weekend and trashed the place I found out on Monday morning when I came home. I was scared and only grabbed some more clothes and left. I came back this morning and everything was cleaned up....funny. So obviously it's not safe for me to stay here.

I've talked with my psychiatrist, therapist and social worker and they all agree I need to get away from it all. I mean, it all...my husband of course and my children and my life basically. I need to get settled to where my meds are working for me. I need to take care of myself. That's what I'm doing, taking care of myself right now. I understand the reason for being away from the boys because in two of my psychotic episodes I tried to commit suicide with them in the house with me. I hate myself for that. I just miss them already.

Thanks for listening to some of my issues. I really don't need advice but kind words of encouragement that I'm doing the right thing right now and lots of prayers. I will be around today, but after today I'm not sure when I'll get back to my house to use the computer again. I know I won't be here until he gets served with a new restraining order and I can feel safe again.

sweetie hugs to you and if you need to talk just pm me and I have two shoulders you can use.

(((VQ))) Lots of hugs and prayers to you. I know it is hard to keep from going back to your husband, but you can do it! Get yourself on the right meds, take care of yourself. You don't need him!

As for the rape, I am soooo glad you had the courage to press charges! You are very strong for that and you will do fine in court.

You are doing the right thing. Keep your chin up, it will get better:)

{{{{{{BIG HIGS TO YOU}}}}}}}}}}}}}


you have been thru alot- I hope things get better for you

{{{VQ}}} You know we're thinking of you.

{{{VQ}}} hugs and prayers headed your way.

I'm glad that you at least came in and gave us an update. I was wondering what had happened and hoped that you were okay.

Obviously...you are not...but at least you are alive.

It is important to understand that there is nothing you have done to deserve what has happened to you.

Please focus on getting yourself well for your children's sake...as well as your own.

Keep us updated! We care!

Pick up everything you have and move away. Put a pin in a map and go there. Don't worry about anything else. You left one bad relationship and ended up with the same sort of man. You are not stable enough to take care of yourself and your kids. And you need serious help to get your life back together. Ask your counsellors where you should go so that you can get the help you need. Choose another state and start a new life.

VQ, you are in a horrible circle right now and you have to break out. If you need to stay in MN until after this trial, fine. But make plans to leave as soon as possible. You and I both know that your husband is not going to change. So it is completely up to you. Move to Wyoming, North Carolina, or where ever, but get away. Don't be in a position where you can just run to your ex whenever you feel the need.

Everyone here wants the best for you. But don't stay there or things will never change.

You did the right thing by going to the EMR and sending him to jail. I know it's scary, but I had to do the same thing. I was 18. I wanted to die because I had to stand up in front of a judge and tell him what had happened to me. It's been 7 years since that day and I know I did the right thing! It took awhile, but the fear (and nightmares) will go away. You are in my prayers!!!!!!

Too bad the guy is a drunk.......Keep busy and find new people that are worthy of you.

VQ, I am also glad you have given this update. I will give you some advice, keep your chin up, tell the truth at the trial. Good luck. Stay safe and away from the DH. When you feel the need to go back and talk to him, find a computer and come to this site and reread this thread. You will soon learn, you have many friends cheering you on. Sometimes that is all the encouragement you need. ;)

{{{{VQ}}}}

Well, I went into the psychiatrist this morning and he gave me the letter and it says AT LEAST THREE MONTHS I shouldn't have custody of the children for their safety and mine. After the three months are over they will decide what to do then. It really hasn't sunk in yet.

I'm suppose to stay here for at least 4 and a half more months because of the lease, but if need I'll back out of the contract. I'm really thinking of moving a few hours away where I know I can get a decent job when I'm ready.

OHHHHHHH! This was the highlight of my day. I called and talked to a family member and they told me there was an APB out on me as a missing person! So I had to go to the police station to take care of that. My husband lied to the police saying that he hasn't seen nor spoken with me in over a week. I asked for extra patrol in my neighborhood while I'm here today. I'm hoping to go out of town after my appointment tomorrow morning.

After that I just went to church to chat and sit in the prayer chapel. It was nice to just relax.

My heart and prayers go out to you! If there is anything I can do to help just hollar-

{{{big hugs}}} You've been thru so much, but it sounds as if you still have your strength.

VQ, it seems strange that your husband would report you as a missing person. I wonder if he is planning to end your life or at least try and make you disappear. I would be very cautious when it comes to dealing with him.

OK, I got the new restraining order taken care of this morning. So one less worry.

schsa: that's an interesting theory I never thought of. Well I'm definately staying away from him anyway.

Quote:

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Originally posted by schsa
VQ, it seems strange that your husband would report you as a missing person. I wonder if he is planning to end your life or at least try and make you disappear. I would be very cautious when it comes to dealing with him.

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I wondered the same thing.

Too bad you can't get him for a false report. I'm glad you got the restraining order. Be careful and take care.

Is there a women's shelter close by? Your apartment isn't safe anymore. It does sound like your husband is planning something. You need to be with other women that have been thru the same things you have. You need a safe environment & women friends right now. Stay on the meds & get counseling. Good for you for pressing charges! Wish we had a more advanced death penalty system in the US. Someday. Until then follow thru with the charges & be strong. Either find a womens shelter or move & join a therapy group ASAP! (((prayers)))

{{{{VQ}}} I have been wondering about you as well. Ask at your local shelter if they have a "new start" program there. I volunteered at a few shelters and they have that. It's a program that helps you move to another shelter in another town and make a fresh start.
Make sure to tell the truth at court-don't let him intimidate you anymore. Rape and beatings isn't about sex-it's all about power. Bring as much proof of what he has done to you as possible, bring a doctor's statement that you or the children would not be safe around him too.
Good luck to you-keep us posted. You have my email addy.
Take care!

just letting you know you are in my prayers!!!please stay safe and good luck to you!!!!!!!!!!!

your bbs friend,

ladybreaker

just wondering... who has your kids.. you said that you can't have custody of them for 3 months.. so who has them..

Well my weekend went ok in regards to no contact with my husband.

My mother on the other hand is driving me insane. She has NO idea what i'm going through. I got a nasty e-mail from her and then a phone call. That wasn't what I needed. She just doesn't understand my emotional state of mind. She just needs to stick her head in where it doesn't belong.

The children were with MY family, but they will be going to live with their father for a while. I don't believe he will will hurt them. I realize anything is possible though. I'd rather trust him with the children then strangers.

I made the decision over the weekend that I'm going to find a part-time job to keep me a little busy. I realize I'm not suppose to do that, but I know I will get crazier in a different way sitting here all alone. Besides, the cash flow would be nice. I have to learn not to depend on anyone for anything.

One step and one thing at a time.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by VQ
The children were with MY family, but they will be going to live with their father for a while. I don't believe he will will hurt them. I realize anything is possible though. I'd rather trust him with the children then strangers.
[/QUOTEI'm sorry.. I know you have alot on you.. but I think the last place the kids need to be is with your hubby... he is terrorizing you.. is that what you want your kids to learn?.. Rather he would actually hit them or not.. he will teach them that it is ok to control another person with fear.. and if he is like this with you.. then the chances are he is like this with them.. you really may want to rethink leaving them with him... jmho