Personal Vent (Holiday Blues)

Okay I need to get this out because I am going to explode.

My husband walked out last dec. because his mistress turned up pregnant and he had an obligation to her so he says. Guess he forgot the obligation to me and our kids. Not the issue though. That’s done and over and I have healed as much as possible since.

We went to domestics, I settled with him didn’t take the full amount, but I have struggled since. Because I couldn’t afford daycare and work. I was ending up with 20 bucks after everything was said and paid. It took me forever to re-file but I finally did, only to have him have his mistress run out and file for child support to try and lower my child support and alimony. He lies about living with her (She lives in one of our old homes we lived in) Its in his parents name because he didn’t want an ex-fiancé prior to our relationship trying to claim against it. I sold my house when we got married. He claims to live with his parents. Its all lies. I am slowly proving it, but cant afford a private detective to prove it. Anyways today is our PFA hearing, the 3rd one. I am a nervous wreck. I am tired of all this. The man I once was married to has changed so drastically it makes me sick. He has caused so much heartache in my life and just continues to try and keep hurting me. I don’t understand it because he caused all that happened.

Now I am trying to protect my daughter from things going on over at his house because he would rather hurt her to get to me then do right by her. Its costing me a small fortune fighting this out in court with money I do not have. I had quit my job when we got married to take care of his son. We had a his, hers, ours family. So now he gets to go on with his new life, debt free and I have all the debt. When he walked out he walked out with all the money. He always controlled it when we were married too. I had no clue how far the bills (in my name) where not paid until he left.

On top of this I have his mistress calling me derogatory names that truly where reserved for her not me, I did not lay down with a married man and get pregnant. Trust me I know it takes two to tango but the harassment I have dealt with since Dec. is just appalling. Then to have her say she will be my daughters mother. Sigh.. Okay thanks for letting me vent..

I don't see how he can walk away from the debt even if he put it in your name. You were still married he should be held accountable too. I know I am if something happens to my husband because we're married. Talk to your lawyer and the judge when you go. He shouldn't be allowed to do that to you. And definitely get all the child support your due. It's not your fault he has to support another kid. He shouldn't have got someone else pregnant in the first place. I hope it turns out good for you. I'll keep you in my prayers that you'll get what you need for you and your kids.

You don't say whether you are divorced from him or not. If not I would file for divorce PLUS spousal support. Unfortunely any bills in your name, you are responsible for. The credit card company will not care, trust me..been there done that. However I had a little clause in my divorce agreement that said ex would agree to pay MY cc and will hold me harmless from any debt that WE have together (joint CC, mtg etc) and if I need to hire a lawyer, he is responsible for paying for that. I took him to court and he was court ordered to pay everything in full including MY lawyer fees!

When you go to court, ask the judge for extra money from the child's father to help cover daycare. Also bring up the subject of him living with her and her filing for child support. The judge might order some kind of background check if there is proof this guy is lying.

Also keep in mind your credit score might be damaged due to his lack of paying the bills. My score was in the low 400's because of my ex not paying the cc, but as soon as he was court ordered to pay it, my score jumped to 800 in a matter of a few months

Be persistant in your efforts, and never settle for less. Good luck to you!

Just got back from court.

To answer a few things brought up.

As for the bills, since we are not divorced yet and hashing things out in court nothing is being done to pay them, I don’t have the means and he is refusing so until the court decrees who is responsible my credit rating is just getting ruined. Not to mention it still left me with nothing.

As for asking the courts for more for daycare, I am working on disability at the moment do to a few health issues that I neglected because I was more worried about my daughters health at the time she was having seizures. I get by on what little I have, there isn’t anything left over for extra’s but the basic needs are met and my family is now safe from him. Which is more important then anything in the world according to my oldest child.

We are not divorced yet. He filed, I refused I figured if he wanted it bad enough he could pay. But he wanted it on his terms. Basically he broke into my house Christmas Day of 05, well it was our house but he moved out. He removed stuff from the house that was marital property and my property before the marriage. Including stuff that was my two daughters. He ruined things and destroyed the place. The police could do nothing because tech. We are still married there for it was still his place to ruin and take from. He even had the nerve to take what crappy presents I scraped together to give the girls for Christmas.

This hearing was mainly for the PFA (Protection from abuse). What surprised me, He never showed up! This was my third time in front of the judge on this matter. First time they screwed up he wasn’t served, but was fully aware of the hearing but with out being served they couldn’t push it. Second time he refused to agree so it had to be rescheduled. So today was the third. He never showed up. So it looks like I will be getting the pfa that protects me and my little one for the next 3 years.. I wont know officially for a few days. But the attorney told me it looked really good. If its awarded he will have to at least pay my attorney fees for the pfa hearing and services. So that’s a plus!

Thank you for keeping me in prayers or thoughts it means a lot. Esp. around the holidays.

There are couple of things to consider:
1]How much documentation do you have of domestic violence?
2] Any injuries in the marriage due to DV?
3] What is you current disability?
If there is a history of DV and physical or mental damage then you can receive spousal support until you are well enough to work or have been retrained.
Post Traumatic Stress from DV is a commonly recognized disorder by social security. Clearly you are under a great deal of spouse induced stress. You may be elligable for funds.

As far as your bills go, look into filing bankruptcy. it cannot be more harmful to your credit, in fact, I know people whos credit was actually better after filing bankruptcy because companies knew it could not be done again for 10 years. As far as your stuff goes, kiss it goodbye. It sucks, I know but they are just things. Also you can get a video camera and tape his comings and goings from his girlfriends home. Also since you are still married, maybe you can find out from the IRS what address he uses when he files taxes. That may also help your case. You are in my prayers.

Me:p

I don't know what state you live in, but in most states if they don't show up for the Protection Order hearing they automatically grant your Protection Order.

Are you receiving assistance through welfare? If so, they will go after him for child support. They also have advocates at welfare that can assist you with filing for disability.

Good luck

can you sure in your state for "ailination of affection"(sp??)

in a lot of states if he lives with another woman more than 6 months you can get him for abandonement as well as adultery especially since the woman is pregnant,also to file bankruptcy in most states if not all it now costs the least Ive seen is $600 and you have to have the whole amount before you can file not everyone can afford that.also now within so long you have to pay back like half of it I think(half of what the debt was) as for child support Id go to the welfare office and see what you can do.you might not wanna be on public assistance but hey you gotta do what you gotta do.also check out womens aid in crisis and file thru them if there has been domestic violence in the home.they can help you out with all kinds of things IF they have the resources.and sorry to say but if you are in the process of a divorce he CANNOT sell,trade or remove anything from the home Id make a list of what he destroyed,sold etc for the next time you go to court and he most likely will have to pay it back.doesnt matter if youre married or not I know in most states if a divorce is in the works nothing is to be touched or sold or destroyed.also Id keeo your children away from him well since you got the protective order he cannot come near them or you.Id also get a protective order against the girlfriend so that she cannot call you,contact you or harrass you or threaten you in anyway.and if youre in a store and she comes in she has to leave.thats how protective orders work.and call the phone company and ask them how to do call trace(for when she calls) it costs a dollar each time but if it is threatening or harrassing calls after 3 traces the phone company sends the report to the police station/office.that way you will have proof shes doing it. she got what she wanted so I dont know why shes trying to make your life hell.obviously neither one are happy with one another so they are trying to destroy you.be the stronger person and dont let it bother you I know its hard not to but try to oh like miss lynn says in some states you can sue the other person(his gf) for mental anguish and what not for him leaving you and the kids for her and her knowing hes married. sounds funny but its true.Id drag their butts thru any kind of mud I could.if she calls id ask her why shes calling you and harrassing you she got what she wanted and hes hers now so deal with it and leave you out of it.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by MIKAER

There are couple of things to consider:
1]How much documentation do you have of domestic violence?
2] Any injuries in the marriage due to DV?
3] What is you current disability?
If there is a history of DV and physical or mental damage then you can receive spousal support until you are well enough to work or have been retrained.
Post Traumatic Stress from DV is a commonly recognized disorder by social security. Clearly you are under a great deal of spouse induced stress. You may be eligible for funds.

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Also if your child suffers from seizures she is eligible for Regional Center Services [under Epilepsy] as well as social security. It would be helpful to know what state you are in. In California a spouse/w out children can receive up to 60% in SS and and the same with a max of 3 kids or roughly 25% per child in CS. If the GF is getting CS from CSS then you can report a fraud claim CSS to determine his living arrangements.
I really think you have a strong case for PTSD and SSI/SSA would be a $$$ help as well as a support system for determining need for SP.

Hello,

Just wanted to say I feel for you and hope things get better. You should not have to go through this and it's very unfair to you. I am so sick of ex spouses, the court systems, ect

Not to hyjack your vent, but my signifigant other and I have been together two years. He is still married. He first filed for divorce almost two years ago (they were seperated when I met him). The most recent time he the divorce was supossed to go through, it was postponed (til this February) because his wife neglected to tell us she was pregnant. You can't divorce your pregnant spouse in MI and to make it worse, because they are still married, it is considered his, despite a negative paternity test. Worse, he cannot be removed as father until she names the actual father. She is refusing to do so. Like you, this is costing us tons of money we don't have, for things completely unfair. Just wanted to send hugs out your way. I know it's difficult.