hangover ratings

Hangover Ratings

I'm sure we've been up and down this scale at one time or another at some
time in our life.

One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well.
However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this
way. For some reason, your are craving a philly sub and steak fries.

Two Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have
the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only
increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity
pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some
definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

Three Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive.
Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the
flavored schnapps' shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life
would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching reruns.
You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke,
yet you haven't peed once.

Four Star Hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you
might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given
you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't
hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face (for the ladies, it
looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars).
Your eyes look like one big red vein and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter
is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five ****s you take during the
day makes the eyes water of everyone who enters the bathroom.

Five Star Hangover (*****)
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the
employee who sits in the next cubicle. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every
pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of
your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to
get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to
generate saliva
so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the
hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to
defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with
a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to
splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good
about right now....

Had a 4 and a half star hangover Saturday...

Don't ever want another one of those EVER!!!

LOL I have like a combo of them...normally always 1 star....I crave greasy greasy food and I'm dehydrated!!!

Had a one start on Sunday.. I hate the 4 and 5 stars!