Thread: Joke of the day!

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life. She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband. At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs ... enough times that her husband finally asks, "Are you wearing crotchless panties?" "Y-e-s," she answers with a seductive smile. "Thank God - I thought you were sitting on the cat."..

Tap on the Shoulder

A true story from the pages of the Manchester, NH Evening Times: Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for Salford station leaned overto ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then, the shaking driver said, "Are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me."

The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said, "I didn't realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly."

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for 25 years."

An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow
are hired at a construction site.The manager points out a huge pile of
sand and says to the Italian, "You're in charge of sweeping". To the
Irishman, "You're in charge of shoveling" To the Chinese guy, "And
you're in charge of supplies". "Now, I have to leave for a little
while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that pile."

So the manager goes away for a couple of hours. And when he returns,
the pile of sand is untouched. He says to the Italian, "Why didn't you
sweep any of it?
The Italian guy replies, "I didn't have a broom. You said the Chinese
guy was in charge of the supplies, but he disappeared and I couldn't
find him"

So then the manager turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel.
The Irishman replies, "I couldn't get myself a shovel. You left the
Chinese guy in charge of supplies and I couldn't find him."

The manager is really pissed now, and storms off toward the pile of
Sand looking for the Chinese guy.

Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand
and yells, "SUPPLIES!"

Mexican words of the day: WOODEN CHAIR




"My primo came over with a cooler full of beer, but he WOODEN CHAIR"

Two guys sat down for lunch
in the office cafeteria. "Hey, whatever
happened to Pete in payroll?" one asked.

"He got this harebrained notion he was going to build a new kind of car."
his co-worker replied.

"How was he going to do it?"

"He took an engine from a Pontiac, tires from a Chevy, seats from a
Lincoln, hubcaps from a Caddy and, well, you get the idea."

"So what did he end up with?"

"Ten years in prison."

A tough, old cajun was asked by his grandson how to live a long life. "The secret of living a long life is to sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal every morning and count your blessings at the end of every day," the grizzled man replied.

The grandson did this religiously and he lived to the age of 93. When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren and a fifteen foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.