Thread: What would you do? (son's friend stole here)

I had a cheapie bracelet (a generic type like the Lance Armstrong Live Strong ones). I got it for a dime at Walmart and was going to give it to my friend's daughter but forgot, so it ended up from my pocket to my night stand.

Anyway, today, my son came to me and said, "D stole from your room." D is his friend.

How it happened is that when D was here, he had the bracelet on in my son's room and said to my son, "Do you want this? I don't want it anymore." My son said no. That was three days ago.

Today, my son noticed the empty package on the upstairs bathroom counter. So, it was then that my son remembered that I had that bracelet in that package, on my night stand. So, he put it all together and that is when he told me. He thought that it was D's bracelet when D had offered it to him.

Anyway, I am so disappointed. D went in my room, took it, then opened it up out of the package in the bathroom and put it on to pass it off as his own. To add to it all, D had asked when he was here if he could have one of my son's racing jerseys. My son races motocross and has a lot of jerseys in his closet that he really does not wear much because this year, he has a new gear sponsor. So, I said he could have it. It was a $40 jersey. Used, but still...

Well, I won't call his parents. I probably should, but that is completely out of my comfort zone. Maybe that is wrong of me, but it has been my experience that parents are not receptive to that kind of thing, so it is just easier for me to just not let the kid here ever again. The day he was here, he was here all day, they never called, have never met me and were willing to let me take him to a public pool. We never did go due to storms.

My question is....Another of my son's friends hangs with this kid a lot. I know that mom. Should I tell that mom to watch her belongings when he is there? I guess I am feeling funny about saying something negative about a minor. But I don't want to have her stuff at risk.

Thanks in advance for any advice. If anyone feels compelled to scold me for not calling his parents, I will say that you are probably right. But I don't like telling parents negative things in fear of how it will be received. So, right or wrong, I won't do that.

If you know this mom well and are comfortable with her, I think telling her your experience is a good idea. I wouldn't go at it with an "if I were you I would watch out for so & so." Share with her and then let her make up her own mind as to what to do/not do. I hear you about telling parents that their little angel might not be so angelic. A lot of parents take it wrong or plain deny it...couldn't happen in their family and get then all pissy with you and who needs that kind of confrontation.

As a parent, I would have wanted to know but not sure I could tell another parent about their kid. But all my kids are adults and I really don't know what I would do today. Good luck with this and don't feel guilty. Most of us parents do the best we can do in most situations.

Thank you so much for the response. I am so glad that someone understands why I don't feel ok with sharing it with his parents. Maybe I am just protecting myself, but I don't want that confrontation. My son will be going to school with him for a long time to come, and I don't want negativity.

Fortunate for me, my son is upset by this also. I am proud that he feels strongly about how this was wrong. He does not want to have this boy over again. However, I was thinking that I would like to have this boy over again for a short time (playing outside) so I have the chance to tell him that a bracelet went missing in my room the day he was here and if he knew anything about it.

Thank you B. Yeah, I am so happy my son did tell me when he put it all together. Had he not, I don't know if I would have ever known it. And a couple years ago, I always had my mom's wedding rings in a ring box on my night stand. But I hid the ring box because I realized it was stupid to have it out in case of being robbed. Now, I know that I have to take precautions even for new visitors my son knows.

If confrontation or how the boys will get along at school is what you're worried about... I'm not sure I'd tell the other mother either. You just never know when ppl are gossips... she may go directly to the other mom. Maybe I'm paranoid... and I don't have kids either... but, just something to think on.

Thanks, Just. I really don't know the mom's lines with this boy and his family. But I know that he is not allowed to spend the night there as he ticked off the mom I am wanting to tell. I don't know details, just what my son said.

I'm glad it was something inexpensive and I am glad you found out before it was something bigger. I would imagine if you tell the other mom, she will share with you why the child can't spend the night at her house and it is probably something similar but since you will be dealing with this child for a long time I would just keep it all to myself. And yes you are so right not to contact the mother of this child. From personal experience , I will tell you that on 2 occassions I told moms about their kids smoking pot.
Oh yes I knew it was true, my son was a pot smoker too so I knew. Both times these mothers turned on me like I was making this up. After that I just decided to let any of the mothers find out for themselves or not find out. My business was my son only.

Man. When I was a kid and I got ratted out by other parents there was NEVER a question of whether the other parent was telling the truth. It was just assumed that it was (and it always was) and punishments were doled out. I can't believe all these blind parents out there now. I mean, I understand wanting to defend your kid ... but why would another parent make up a lie about a child? No wonder there's so many stinkin brats around today.

Originally Posted by BeanieLuvR

If it were me I'd want to know but I can see why you are hesitant to say anything. It could get ugly and you'd have to see them at school events. I would definitely tell the mom you know though. Next time he could steal something valuable or with sentimental value. Thankfully you learned he is a thief with little loss. I would even be upset he went into my room. At least one good thing came out of this. You know you are doing a good job of raising your son because of how he viewed what happened.

Yes, Anniston, it has to feel good that you know you've been doing something right in your child-rearing. If you haven't already, you might want to express your pride in your son to him. Oftentimes (generally speaking) we are quick to tell our kids when they screw up and not nearly quick enough to let them know how proud we are of them.

If I were his mother, I'd want to know. Just because a few mothers in the past have gone into denial and wigged out when informed shouldn't mean that I should be kept in the dark about my son's behavior and have the whole neighborhood 'know' that my son is 'thief' and he has been 'shunned' from all his 'friends' and their families. (You know he'll just get 'new' friends.) I also wouldn't want to be shunned or spoken about behind my back because my son did something bad and I am totally clueless (and not given the opportunity to address the situation).

I can understand your concern and dilemma, but ....if you spread this around town to 'warn' others instead of taking a step to stop this kid's behavior....it also makes you 'part of the problem' as you have now become a 'gossip' and are reinforcing to this child that he can get a way with this and no one will call him out on this. Next time, it may be someone's heirloom rings that go missing.

It takes a village....I appreciate someone looking out for my child when I am not there. If the mother is not made aware of it, how can anything change? Yes, there is a risk of negative feelings going back to you.



ETA: What are the ages of these children?