Thread: How do you forgive someone?

Ok , without saying who or what for, I need to forgive someone. If I don't I am going to be a miserable old woman the rest of my life. I have said I have forgiven and I don't feel angry everyday but still probably once a week I have a private cry about this. This information came to me about a yr ago and I still feel so sad about it. Maybe it is not to forgive that I need, because as I said, I don't feel angry, but I just feel sad, so sad. Maybe I just need to forget that I know this information but how do I do that? I went to a counselor about it last year when I first found out but she looked at me like what I was saying was incomprehensible and too shocking for words and made me feel worse instead of better so after about 3 sessions with her I quit going. Anybody?

Originally Posted by buglebe

Ok , without saying who or what for, I need to forgive someone. If I don't I am going to be a miserable old woman the rest of my life. I have said I have forgiven and I don't feel angry everyday but still probably once a week I have a private cry about this. This information came to me about a yr ago and I still feel so sad about it. Maybe it is not to forgive that I need, because as I said, I don't feel angry, but I just feel sad, so sad. Maybe I just need to forget that I know this information but how do I do that? I went to a counselor about it last year when I first found out but she looked at me like what I was saying was incomprehensible and too shocking for words and made me feel worse instead of better so after about 3 sessions with her I quit going. Anybody?

Buglebe,

I have been in and am currently in your shoes. Some things are just too hard to find forgiveness for. Some times I think the hurt is just down to deep to let it go. I’m the same way I’m not mad or angry I’m just hurt. I don’t think about it all the time but like you I have my moments where I break down. I told one of my friends that if maybe I just heard the words “I’m sorry” from the person that it would be easier to forgive them but she quickly reminded me that hearing those words isn’t a guarantee nor is it a magical fix and that I’m the one hurting and that the person that hurt me probably don’t care or isn’t being bothered like I am.

I too have done the counselor bit two different times with two different counselors and really didn’t get much out of it. The 1st one scared me since on the 1st visit she asked WAY too much info and was pushing me to give her too much all at once. I ended up lying just to get the heck outta there and cried all the way home. The 2nd counselor was much better but for some reason I felt like I could heal myself and never went back. Some days I feel like that was a bad choice to never go back since sometimes you can’t do things all alone & it is nice to have someone to talk to that isn’t family or in the mix with the situation.

I don’t know your religious back ground but for me I pray that one day I will find forgiveness since it is eating me alive a lot more than the person that hurt me I’m sure. I also know that God wants me to forgive them and has shown me on many occasions that I need to as well but I’m too darn stubborn to listen!

Sorry I don’t have a real true answer for ya I can only say I know how ya feel. I can say that for other people that have hurt me pretty deeply that I have forgave it’s a good feeling when you can look at them or speak to them and know your heart is free from the hurt they caused.

You can not forgive until you are ready to let it go. And never look back on the issue.

Are you ready for that?

I know, I had a horrible hurt done to me about 12 years ago. I hurt for 18 months, and finally swallowed my pride, thought it out... wieghed the hurt against the missing part of my life.
I missed them mor ethan I hurt.
So I wrote everything out. I said I wanted to overcomethis, and I was willing to never mention what happened, forget it, and move above it. If they were willing to join me, we needed to move on up in life.
We all agreed. No one mentiones what happened, and it no longer consumes us.
Best thing I ever did: let it go.

But, you have to be ready to completely let it go

You need to learn to love yourself more than you are angry/hate someone else.
Been in your shoes. It took me a very long time to get past things but I eventually did. My EX husband was a lying, cheating & abusive alcoholic. When I finally had enough & filed for divorce I was really pi$$ed off at him & anyone who were family members who were still in contact with him. I spent a fortune going to a therapist & on medications.
It took me a very long time to be able to look at myself in a mirror & realize I am an OK person so why am I allowing his toxicity to prevail in my life. I've forgiven him to the extent I can but I can not allow him back into my life.

Oh I could talk about this subject as well. I went through something so horrible that I wont go into details but it happened over ten years ago and at my inlaws doing. I went into the deepest pits of despair and couldn't come out of it until these past couple of years. I was diagnosed after the fact with being bipolar and was told that what happened to me was probably a trigger for it. My trust in humanity was shattered and I became suicidal and a hermit and wanted to talk to no one, my house was my bubble and I never left it. A day didn't go by that I didn't think about what happened to me and my family and <am ashamed to admit> that maybe I didn't deserve to be happy and to be loved. I have even been told that I may have PTSD because of it.


Ok well fast forward many years to now. I can go many days without thinking about what happened. I feel I am on a good path to forgiveness, I have said that I forgave already but I don't think really I am 100% there yet and it is an ongoing process. And I realize now that forgiveness isn't for other people but for yourself. And I can't wait for the day that I can completely forgive and let this 10 year plus burden to be off MY shoulders. I am a better person now and I am glad I am not letting what happened to me destroy my life any further.

Ginna.....

aweeeeeee hugs right back at ya

The reason I always forgive is because, holding onto any negativity is really bad for you. When you let go of the hurt feelings, and the bad feelings you open your heart up to accept more love. Don't fill your heart up with hurt & hate, your only hurting yourself, not the person that did whatever they did to you. Just remember you can forgive, but it doesn't mean you will forget.

Here is something I read once that made me realize why I was having a hard time forgiving..

Forgiveness is a hard thing to give because forgiveness of another human being involves having to forgive YOURSELF for your role in the situation or relationship. It's a lot easier to withhold forgiveness and remain the victim or martyr.

I have had some bad things happen in my life, but I had to realize that nobody is perfect and people do some strange messed up things, but that doesn't mean I have to let them affect me and my life. You need to lift yourself up and feel good about yourself enough for both you and that person that hurt you.