Thread: Your opinion...

Perfectly acceptable or rude?

The daughter of a friend of ours just got engaged -- my friend offered to host the engagement party in her backyard and asked if the groom to be's side of the family had anyone they wanted to invite -- they came back with a list of 75 people -- this took my friend off guard she doesn't have a large family and is more used to things being on the smaller side -- it was suggested that she tells them that she will be inviting 30 people and that they can do that as well and anyone over that number they (the groom to be's family) would have to pay for.

It was also suggested that she do the same with the wedding.

My initial feeling was that it was too late to do that for the engagement party she offered to host and did not give out any initial restrictions.

So this is your friend's daughter that has gotten engaged? This would be her future 'in-laws' that would be the guests?

yes, my friends dd got engaged and her dd's future mil and fil made up a guest list of 75 people (their relatives and friends)

it was suggested that she tells them that she will be inviting 30 people and that they can do that as well and anyone over that number they (the groom to be's family) would have to pay** for.

If it were me.....I would contact the 'in-laws' and explain that I really budgeted for a smaller group......and ask if they could either trim their list to the 30 or you would be willing to accommodate (space-wise) a larger group, but if they could help with the cost for those over the 30.

It was also suggested that she do the same with the wedding.

I would approach this the same way.

My initial feeling was that it was too late to do that for the engagement party she offered to host and did not give out any initial restrictions.

I don't think it is too late to express this for the Engagement guest list (providing that the invites haven't gone out yet). I would just approach it as to some confusion as to how many guests were budgeted for. IF those guests are that important to that side of the family....then they'll either pay or trim the list. Their choice.

**Just one thing....I wouldn't say they'd have to pay for them. That verbiage comes off a bit snotty...and this event is not the time to make a conflict....I'm sure everyone will have other (bigger) things that will be stressing over.

BTW What are the Engaged couple feelings about this? They should be consulted on this as well...after all...it really is about them.

invites are out already

party is being catered about $20/pp so it's not like they could offer to bring anything (but could offer to help with the cost)

to be honest I don't know how the engaged couple feels -- they probably don't want to put them in the middle of it

BTW neither family is hurting financially

I agree with Slance. If they can afford it, they should go for it. I thought of this in terms of my step daughter. If I was in that same position, and had offered such a party, knowing I was going to cater it, at that much money pp, I would just grin and bear it. And hope like heck not too many yes rsvp's come from that list of 75!

My thought is : If no limits were pre set... Then they have to hope not everyone shows up. So she is SOL
If you openly ask for a list, be prepared for however many they want to invite.

If you want to budget: state that you need to limit due to space, etc: BEFORE they make a list up.

Do not ask for help with the party: that is tacky since she already offered to host it.

Set limits on the next event: stating that she never realized the amount of work, or the space needed. But put the limits out FIRST before a list can be created.

Originally Posted by jedmatters

My thought is : If no limits were pre set... Then they have to hope not everyone shows up. So she is SOL
If you openly ask for a list, be prepared for however many they want to invite.

If you want to budget: state that you need to limit due to space, etc: BEFORE they make a list up.

Do not ask for help with the party: that is tacky since she already offered to host it.

Set limits on the next event: stating that she never realized the amount of work, or the space needed. But put the limits out FIRST before a list can be created.

My thoughts exactly. Invites are out so it is too late to backtrack now.