Thread: Marriage memories

Never been married but I came close. Thankfully I came to my senses.

I understand different cultures do things differently when it comes to things like marriage and divorce but honestly, I'm not going to go about placating some guy just so I can put up with him for the rest of my life. He either needs to straighten his crap out or get out. Marriage shouldn't be about putting up with someone.

Have you tried asking her family why they don't like you?

Originally Posted by sunniekiss

SERIOUSLY???? Paying a dowery & placating someone??? Really???

My EX preferred a bottle of vodka to me so I decided I preferred not being married to him. I put up with him for 25 years & the only thing worse would have been putting up with him for 25 years & 1 day.
I have a career I love, support myself & put my ds through college w/o a dime from his sperm donor.

With that said, you are obviously from a different ethnic background than I am. You can not force someone to accept you & you can not force someone to love you.

You can either choose to fight an uphill battle with her family or you can mov on & find a girl who loves you and a family that embraces you with open heart & arms.

No , I don't force her to love,she is silent but seems she love.
I don't know , maybe not.

Originally Posted by Jenefer3

Never been married but I came close. Thankfully I came to my senses.

I understand different cultures do things differently when it comes to things like marriage and divorce but honestly, I'm not going to go about placating some guy just so I can put up with him for the rest of my life. He either needs to straighten his crap out or get out. Marriage shouldn't be about putting up with someone.

Have you tried asking her family why they don't like you?

because they belive the " girl and boy relationship" is unlike law.

Alireza, If she seems pleased with your attentions, it might be appropriate to discuss your intentions with her parents. If not, it seems you will have to wait until you're in medical school and she is more independent. Until then you can make her a disc of songs, draw her pictures or write her letters (but make sure the content is not objectionable.) A hand picked flower will probably make her very happy.


I think it will be hard for you to find relevant advice here because our culture is so much different but there are a few things that are true for every good relationship.

You must communicate openly with one another, even if you are embarrassed with the topic.

Be patient with each other as much as possible.

Try to be silly together. Laughter brings great healing.

Sometimes you will fight, don't be irrational or critical. It is a LOT of work to keep a relationship healthy, you need to believe it's worth it and remind yourself that it is. Be patient with the "bumps in the road".

Help in the house sometimes. Your brothers and uncles do not have to know and it will make her feel very sweet towards you.

This is general advice, before you can really know if she is the woman you love, you need to speak with her, listen to her, learn about each other, laugh with her and fight with her.

That may seem silly but I think it's the best way to know if your dowry will be well spent.

Good luck

thank you for your advice dear DaLilPeachy, but she is from Religious Family so this relationship is not usual for her .

Originally Posted by sunniekiss

Okay I think my preceptions are different than what you think. When I say making someone love you, I was more referring that if her parents arrange a marriage for her, while she may marry this man to please her parents, she will never really "love him" in the true sense of love. Does that make more sense to you? I wasn't meaning forcing you to love you.

Are you from the same religious background?

The only advise I can offer is to focus on you & your education & making you the best you can be. Focus on you & love will find a way.

I think too focus study is better now and than think it.

Originally Posted by Kelsey1224

I just have to respond to the arranged marriage comment. Although this concept seems entirely foreign to us and goes against everything that we have been raised to believe, I have a couple of co-workers (both Indian) who are married to wives their parents picked for them. I've asked them about it in length and they both felt that their parents knew them best and knew who would be a good choice for them as a wife. They absolutely trusted their parents to make the right choice. And, they believed if left to their own devices, they would have picked spouses for themselves for the wrong reasons (lust)...LOL!

I have rarely met couples as devoted as these two men are to their wives and vice versa. They adore each other. The both admit that they weren't 'in love' with their wives when they first married, but that they definitely fell in love with them over time.

So...just because our particular culture doesn't have our parents pick our spouses, don't assume that those people in arranged marriages don't grow to love each other. And I mean...fall in love with each other.

Obviously, there are those couples in this situation that don't work out. It is no different than when we pick our own spouses.

I belive It is better for woman that don't work out when they marry.