Thread: How do you help someone who hasn't asked for it?

Originally Posted by jasmine

you don't like to donate clothes to the battered womans shelter? I can understand the goodwill or salvation army, because they resale them.......

I like to give to all three...my point was that if I could give to a particular person or family, I would prefer to.

Originally Posted by buglebe

I guess I see this differently. For one either the father hasn't noticed (probably the case) or he doesn't care. Where is her grandmother, or any other woman in the family?
If clothes were expensive I would understand. But it is not difficult or expensive to clothe a child. Yes if they have to have brand name but I bet this child doesn't. When I was in school, in the 50's there were kids who didn't have clothes but in todays times I haven't seen that. Give the clothes to the child, forget what the father thinks.

I'm sorry but I have to disagree with you. Maybe the father is just too proud to ask for help, as most men are..hell we all know how they are with just asking for directions! I also don't see what the grandmother or any other woman in the family and their whereabouts has to do with the price of tea in china. Perhaps this man was an only child and his parents have passed away. It's not expensive to clothe a child? Are you serious? I can go to target or walmart and easily spend well over $100 on chloe and walk away with maybe 6 outfits...and this is in the less expensive toddler section! Don't even let me get started on how much more the girls section clothes are, or even the boy section for AJ. Heck I just spent $50 on 2 pairs of pants and 2 shirts for AJ for his uniforms for school at Target...clothing is not cheap!

Originally Posted by buglebe

I guess I see this differently. For one either the father hasn't noticed (probably the case) or he doesn't care. Where is her grandmother, or any other woman in the family?
If clothes were expensive I would understand. But it is not difficult or expensive to clothe a child. Yes if they have to have brand name but I bet this child doesn't. When I was in school, in the 50's there were kids who didn't have clothes but in todays times I haven't seen that. Give the clothes to the child, forget what the father thinks.

I guess you don't belong to the "It Takes A Villiage" group lol

There are reasons that I care about what the father thinks. His DD is in the same special education class as my DD and I can tell you from experience that these kids pick up on how we (the parents) feel about things and feed off of it like no other. If he is upset or embarrassed about getting the clothes, she might feel the same way and not want to wear them.

I don't know (nor do I care) where the women in this girls life are. Some people are not blessed with families.

Just because you haven't seen kids without clothes, does not mean they don't exist. I worked at an elementary school for a few years, and I can tell you with 100% certainty that there are kids who just have one pair of pants and one shirt to wear for the entire school year.

I am so sorry to hear that there are children without clothes. I am so sorry. I honestly didn't know there were children without clothes around anymore. When I am buying toys on sale to put in the Christmas box I should also be looking out for clothes on sale too. I just took my grandkids to the Salvation Army and bought clothes. I go on Wed, the half price day for clothes. I bought each of them 4 pairs of bluejeans and 4 tops, and it cost me about $25. The jeans were $2 a pair and the shirts were $1. They came to visit for a week and their suitcases were left in the car. They are 6 (boy) and 8 (girl).
It was cheaper to do this than for gas to go back for the suitcases. They are homeschooled so this is their spring break. Do the others of you not have something like this available? In the town I grew up in, the church even sponsors a clothes bank and it cost nothing and people don't have to even belong to the church and the Clothes Basket isn't in the church. I guess that is what I was thinking when I made my comments. I certainly apologize to those I offended. I am very sad to know there are children without enough and warm clothes. I honestly thought that all ended after the depression.
I feel so terrible. Buttrfli please understand that I honestly didn't know.

Hell...pack em up in a box and leave them on the front porch with a note and tell him its a pay it forward situation.....he can donate something...to someone in his neighborhood or town. As in work, mow, clean out closets, donate can food etc. God bless you and your family and lets continue this process thanks for you continued cooperation. It's simple!

Originally Posted by buglebe

I am so sorry to hear that there are children without clothes. I am so sorry. I honestly didn't know there were children without clothes around anymore. When I am buying toys on sale to put in the Christmas box I should also be looking out for clothes on sale too. I just took my grandkids to the Salvation Army and bought clothes. I go on Wed, the half price day for clothes. I bought each of them 4 pairs of bluejeans and 4 tops, and it cost me about $25. The jeans were $2 a pair and the shirts were $1. They came to visit for a week and their suitcases were left in the car. They are 6 (boy) and 8 (girl).
It was cheaper to do this than for gas to go back for the suitcases. They are homeschooled so this is their spring break. Do the others of you not have something like this available? In the town I grew up in, the church even sponsors a clothes bank and it cost nothing and people don't have to even belong to the church and the Clothes Basket isn't in the church. I guess that is what I was thinking when I made my comments. I certainly apologize to those I offended. I am very sad to know there are children without enough and warm clothes. I honestly thought that all ended after the depression.
I feel so terrible. Buttrfli please understand that I honestly didn't know.

You don't have to apologize. Its just how the world goes round. I wish it weren't a fact but it is was it is.

We do have Churches and places that have "clothes closets" but they won't always have what someone needs. I live in a large urban city and I imagine that the need for teen girl clothes is pretty big. We have lots of thrift stores here, but the bigger the kids, the higher the price of clothing. My kids love shopping at thrift stores (they don't know anything else lol) and I can get an outfit for about $6 - $10. Sometimes less if I hit a good sale. I have 3 teen girls and it really adds up.

Unfortunately, some people just don't know about the services that are available to them. We are fortunate that our school system has a bus that has been transformed into a mobile clothing store that goes around to the schools and kids can get on it and pick out an outfit for free. Sadly, it mostly goes to just the elementary schools because those are the clothes that are most often donated.

The way the economy is, there are more and more times where a parent has to choose between paying rent, eating, or buying clothes.

I'll get off my soapbox now lol

That's really great with the bus .Haven't heard of anything like that before

Buglebe, do you have kids in school? .. I see many in my children's school who desperately need clothes. I always donate uniforms that no longer fit my girls just for these kids. It is sad. There are so many kids out there with nothing. There are ppl on the next street that my sister gave bags of boys clothes to and I also gave clothes to for the girls.

I do give clothes to the neighbor child as well. She is not going without, but her and my youngest are friends and Emily likes to share her favorites with her friends. When I first called the mom, I just asked her if she wanted any of Emily's clothes that no longer fit and I told her that she is free to give away to anyone that she knows stuff that didn't fit her daughter.

I personally would just ask the father if he would be interested in clothes that no longer fit .. I am sure he'd be very appreciative of the help. Just tell him you cleaned out your closets and like to give them to ppl you know before donating to a charity if your uncomfortable.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Mistywolf, my children are grown ,3 of them. I have 2 grandchildren. We had a family of 10 children next door and all my children's clothes went to them. When my husband first had his brain injury, my youngest was 12. I had a co worker who approached me very tentatively and asked me if I would like to have her son's used clothes. I was so happy to get them. She felt as Buttrfli does, not sure how to approach it. She brought them to the conference room, and even though they were for me, I had to fight others to keep them. They had them all over the room saying I want this, etc.for my child.