family question

[delSol]

okay, just came from lunch with my mother, my sister/her husband and their 2 boys (14 and 12) - my sister and I have very different views on the world and things like parenting but today leaves me scratching my head

so we are at a chines buffet, after one one my trips for food I come back and say "somebody up there smells like ben gay" - the 12 year old says "are you sure it's not your upper lip? I look at my mother who says "I think I smell it too" and the 12 year old says "did you check your upper lip?" - wth????????? I went off and told him if he wa mine and had said something like that he would of got beat down in front of the whole place - my sister goes storming off for more food and says "he doesn't even know what it means" - does that make it okay? shold the parents not fo said something? I feel bad, but not..ya know what I mean? this same kid this summer got a pair of boxer shorts on vacation that said "Danger - choking hazard" I really think they are afraid to be parents

what do you guys think?

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[Kyla Kym]

I remember hearing that saying when I was growing up.

He is just going through the smartass stage it sounds like to me. The best way to deal with that sometimes is just to say something to them that takes the fun out of it......
Like you could have said something like, why would my upper lip smell like ben Gay? And if it did, why would I have only smelled it at the food bar and not now?
Do you know what Ben Gay is? And how it would be harmful if applied around the mouth? Do you not see how stupid what you said sounds? Do you think that was really appropriate thing to say to your Aunt? Do you not respect me? Do I mean so little to you that you would try and hurt my feelings?

Take the fun out of it for them and they don't enjoy doing it. If you started firing a line of questions at him in a normal tone of voice as to why he said it and done it, it would shame him beyond belief and he would be afraid to ever cross you again like that I bet.

He just probably thought he was being clever when he said it. Like your sister said, he might not have even known what it really was referring to.

[Shann]

what does his comment even mean? Honestly, I love the smell of ben gay and I love the feeling of it on me when I'm sore...pretty much I'm addicted to it

I guess since I don't understand what his comment meant I would have just given him a dirty look. I do think the parents should have stepped and and told THEIR son how rude a comment like that was. I could understand if it was followed by a giggle and said in a joking manner (but once again I really don't know what he was even referring to???) As for the boxers, I think that is highly inappropriate for a child that age. What did your mother think of the comment?

[Jackie_Blu]

I agree with both Kyla and Shann........firing questions at him to make him feel bad would probably have done more good. and hopefully he didnt get chuckles from anyone which, Im sure is why he said it in the first place even tho it made no sense. And, as Shann said, his parent should have reprimanded him right then and there. When my nephew was younger he was very disrespectful of adults and never got scolded by my sister and her dh. In fact, they would laugh when he would say things, thinking it was "cute".
Absolutely disgusting. The rest of us didnt really want to have get-togethers with them because of it. I dont blame you for being pissed.

[Willow]

what does his comment even mean? Honestly, I love the smell of ben gay and I love the feeling of it on me when I'm sore...pretty much I'm addicted to it

I guess since I don't understand what his comment meant I would have just given him a dirty look. I do think the parents should have stepped and and told THEIR son how rude a comment like that was. I could understand if it was followed by a giggle and said in a joking manner (but once again I really don't know what he was even referring to???) As for the boxers, I think that is highly inappropriate for a child that age. What did your mother think of the comment?

I don't get it either. I've never heard that saying before.

[Kyla Kym]

what does his comment even mean? Honestly, I love the smell of ben gay and I love the feeling of it on me when I'm sore...pretty much I'm addicted to it

I guess since I don't understand what his comment meant I would have just given him a dirty look. I do think the parents should have stepped and and told THEIR son how rude a comment like that was. I could understand if it was followed by a giggle and said in a joking manner (but once again I really don't know what he was even referring to???) As for the boxers, I think that is highly inappropriate for a child that age. What did your mother think of the comment?

My mom use to say it to me when I was a little girl. She would say it to me when I said I smelled something that was stinking. Now that I look back on it, it was usually in the morning when she was fixing my hair. So it was probably her breath since she smokes, drinks coffee and wears false teeth. She was always worried about her breath, and ate mints and brushed her teeth allot. So when she said it to me, I'm sure I was probably smelling her bad morning breath and it just embarrassed her and that was her come back to get me to hush up about smelling something stinky.

So that's why I also think the boy didn't really know what it meant. Because in my opinion it's a way to take the focus off yourself and put it back on the person that brought it to attention in the first place.

Like if I said Shann you smell sweaty! You could say back to me It's probably your upper lip your smelling. See what I mean? It throws it back on me for being rude and saying it in the first place.

[turbob]

Very rude - and for his parents to do call him on it is even ruder. My sis let her kids say and do anything. Once I was over there and my nephew who was 17 told my sis to shut up. I slapped his face and knocked him off his chair and said don't you ever talk to my sister like that. You should have seen his face! Since his parents aren't going to say anything to him, if it happends again, you will have ot speak up for yourself.to

[dv8grl]

It's still rude & disrespectful. Perhaps his parents told him that, and thats where he got it from. Since it seems they are on the same "level" when it comes to maturity? A grown man shouldn't own boxers that say that, let alone a child.

[PrincessArky]

[QUOTE=Shann;95729625]what does his comment even mean? Honestly, I love the smell of ben gay and I love the feeling of it on me when I'm sore...pretty much I'm addicted to it
QUOTE]

I have finally learned to NOT have a drink when I read your posts I make such a mess on the screen when I do lol but thank god I am not the only one that loves it lol

[magenta]

I didn't get the comment either until I scrolled down. I must be getting slow in my old age.

The boxers, completely inappropriate. I agree w/ dv8grl, I wouldn't let DH wear those.

[Shann]

Like if I said Shann you smell sweaty! You could say back to me It's probably your upper lip your smelling. See what I mean? It throws it back on me for being rude and saying it in the first place.

Thanks for clearing that up, I'd never heard that before

I have finally learned to NOT have a drink when I read your posts I make such a mess on the screen when I do lol but thank god I am not the only one that loves it lol

hehe I'm glad I'm not the only one. Luke always calls me grandma when I wear it I can't help that I'm weird and would rather smell ben gay than some flowery scent