Thread: Things To Ponder

THINGS TO PONDER

I used to eat a lot of natural foods,
until I learned
that most
people die of natural causes.

**
Gardening Rule:
When weeding, the best way to make
sure you are
removing a weed
and not
a valuable plant is to pull on it.
If it comes
out of the ground easily,
it is a valuable plant.

**
The easiest way to find
something lost around the house is to buy
a replacement.

**
Never take life seriously;
nobody gets out
alive anyway.

**
There are two kinds of pedestrians:
the quick and the dead.

**
Life is sexually transmitted.

**
Health is merely
the slowest possible rate at which one
can die.

**
The only difference between
a rut and a grave
is the depth.

**
Some people are like Slinkies.
Not really
good for anything,
but you
still can't help but smile
when you see one tumble down the stairs.

**
Health nuts are
going to feel stupid someday,
lying in
hospitals dying of nothing.

**
Have you noticed since
everyone has
a camcorder
these days no one
talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

**
Whenever I
feel blue, I start breathing again.

**
All of us could
take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention
to criticism.

**
In the 60's,
people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the
world is weird and
people take Prozac to make it
normal.

**
How is it one
careless match can start a forest fire,
but it takes a
whole box to start a campfire?

**
Who was the first person
to look at a cow
and say,
"I think I'll
squeeze these dangly thingies here, and drink
whatever comes out?"

**
Who was the first person
to say,
"See that chicken over there?
I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta
its butt."

**
Why is there a
light in the fridge and not in
the freezer?

**
If Jimmy cracks corn
and no one cares,
why is there a song about him?

**
Why do people point
to their wrist
when asking for the time,
but
don't point to their crotch
when they ask where the
bathroom is?

**
Why does your
OB-GYN
leave the room when you get undressed
if they
are going to look up
there anyway?

**
If quizzes are quizzical,
what are tests?

**
If electricity comes
from electrons,
does morality come
from morons?

**
Do illiterate people get
the full effect
of Alphabet Soup?

**
Did you ever notice
that when you blow in a dog's face,
he gets mad
at you,
but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head
out the
window?

**
Does pushing the elevator button more than
once make it arrive
faster?

**
Why doesn't glue
stick to
the inside of the bottle?

Some people are like Slinkies.
Not really
good for anything,
but you
still can't help but smile
when you see one tumble down the stairs.

I laugh myself silly when I see someone fall I really feel sorry for them but I can't seem to help myself. Lordy it's funny!!!

Originally Posted by sunpuppy

THINGS TO PONDER
**
The easiest way to find
something lost around the house is to buy
a replacement.

**

I don't think that one full kicks into effect until you have opened the new item, tossed the package, and lost the receipt so there is no possible way to return it, therefore ensuring you wind up with two of something.