Thread: hoping to releive some stress by writing it down.

n/t

Id tell her that if she wants to live there she has to contribute to the household as you and your DH does.that things in this world arent free and since she does have a job that she can either contribute and help out or move out.Im sorry but I wouldnt tolerate this from anyone.she's old enough to know better.why does she live with you and not her husband? whatever it is cant be too bad if shes using her money to pay their bills.this sounds like a strange situation .but If she cant be an adult and take responsibility and help out(especially if you have kids) then Id tell her she needs to fend for herself out on her own.the free ride shes getting stops NOW! The longer you let her do this the longer she will think she can.stand up for yourselves. I sorta went thru this with my mom last yr she needed a place to stay and she did absolutely nothing in my home.shed watch my sisters kids here but yet she'd feed them with food i bought.she bought very few groceries one month(not even $30 worth) then she could lend my sister money(who has a job) but yet it about killed her to help me with any bills.she gave me a total of $225 for almost 3 months) my 15 yr old sister also lived here and would come in at all hrs of the night.i told her it was my house and it had to stop. and yet shed yell at my kids but if my sisters kids started something it was ok.she totally disregarded my rules and treated us like crap.needless to say when she moved out last oct i was relieved.but she went and told people she went and payed all my bills which she didnt. if she had Id have a lot more to show for it.
but anyway this has to stop.stand up and be firm she'll get over it if not life goes on. you helped her now its her turn to help you!

People can only walk all over you if you let them. If your husband won't say anything, it's up to you. You can get your point across without accusing your MIL. Just be straightforward and tell her the extra expense of her living there is more than you can afford right now. As much as you love her she really needs to contribute or go back to her own home. I don't understand why she's there in the first place if she has a husband and home. How would she feel if the shoe was on the other foot?

Tell her that the 2 months she has been there is causing you & your family to suffer. That she needs to pitch in. I've had to take in a few nieces and nephews of my husbands and his sisters are such tight wads they wouldn't help. So I put their kids to work while they were living with me. They did my daily routine while I went out and worked. I didn't have to pay a babysitter during that time either because they took care of my son while they lived here. Honestly though, they saved me money. Because they were doing babysitting, yardwork, laundry, cleaning up the house. No telling how much all that would have cost if I had of hired someone to do it.

thanks

Originally Posted by Mummyof3

I talked to dh last night explained the money situation and told him we needed to ask his mom to help out. He said he was not going to ask his mom for money. So I said I would and he said no. I can understand and somewhat feel the same. We are supposed to respect our elders and his mom is our elder.It is his mom after all who raised him (not so well at times)for 16yrs. But we have never asked his mom for help when we were struggling (we have been together since we were 16 and living together since we were 17).I feel like she is taking advantage of us.But, also it is his mom it is not my place to talk to her about it, it is his.If it was a cousin, sister,brother,something along those lines I think he would speak up but since it is his mom he feels bad demanding money from her.

I do not understand why her dh wont move up here.We asked him when he was moving and he said he has no desire to move again.(they lost there house in june and moved then).He said he is 60yrs old and has no desire to change jobs. He comes up every other weekend to get her and takes her home for the weekend.Last weekend he stayed here tho. So I guess we are running a full service hotel.

Forgive me for being blunt, but your husband is not your boss and if he wont' say anything to her, you need to. You cannot complain about the situation unless you are actively taking steps to remedy it. The advice that others have given has been good. Tell her firmly, but nicely that she's imposing financially and that she'll need to contribute, or move out.

The big question that hasn't been answered, though, is why is she not living with her husband??