Thread: I need to let it all out...Maybe get some advice or other peoples opinions......Regar

I know I don't usually post here, but I just needed some advice and maybe someone to talk to. I am so confused. Well, anyways, here goes.

I am 25 years old and I have a 6 year old son. In September of 2004 I met this guy who both me and my son absolutley loved. I moved in with this guy in the beginning of October and everything was great until about December. To me it seemed like his friend was more important to him than I was. He decided in December that we were going to break up and he kicked me out, then we got back together and We were together about 2 weeks and he ended up kicking me out again, yet we still got back together after that he still kicked me out again in February and then April. This whole time we were living at his parents house and he still lives there.

In April, we sort of started seeing each other again, but didn't move back in with each other. I ended up meeting this other guy. But I still think about the first guy every day and wonder if I made the right decisions. The first guy has been e-mailing me a lot lately. I still have feelings for the first guy.

The guy I am with now, does everything for me but he gets mad if I am in a bad mood or anything. He has to be with me all the time, If I go even outside, he wants to go with me.

I will be honest, I have thought about going back to the first guy, but I don't know what to do.

Thanks for listening.


Brandy

It sounds like the 2nd guy in very controlling and the 1st guy only wants you when it convenient. Your young and you have a child to think about and both of these relationships sound wrong.
This is just my opinion but it sounds like you have to have one or the other and thats not the case, because both sound like bad news.
Find yourself someone who loves you and your child for you and doesnt manipulate you or the situation you in....
HTH

I am not sure of your situation but first and foremost...you need to be living on your own with your son.....what is the rush in moving in with someone? I speak from experience. I was divorced with 1 son and lived in my own apt. I met guys and had relationships. I had guys live with me because I really never felt that anyone out there had me or my son's interest at heart. I finally did meet a wonderful man who had our best interest at heart. He transformed the attic into an awesome bedroom for my son..totally redone, new carpet, cable, computer..everything. This was the only man who I ever gave up my apt for and it took 10 YEARS to find him.


If you go back with the first guy, history is just going to repeat itself in an ugly way and your son is going to get the impression on how to treat women (to just throw them out). Right now you need to concentrate on your son and yourself and stop moving in with every guy you meet. The right guy will come along and you will know it but for right now be independent....date guys and have relationships but it doesn't mean you need to move in after the first date.

Okay since you wanted opinions then here is mine.

As far as the first guy:
If you were 10 and the first guy wanted to break up with you and want you back and break up with you and want you back etc... etc... this would be normal behavior for a 10 year old. For a grown man this is not mature behavior and it sounds like he is not ready to commit (which it sounds like you are). The other fact is that you have a child that you need to look out for and you can't keep dragging him in and out and in and out of an house as children need roots.

As far as the second guy:
again it sounds as if you are looking for commitment. Let me say this, you are not going to find a guy that has perfectly everything you want. It sounds to me like you are setting yourself up for a fall when you find these guys you think ARE "perfect" and they don't turn out to what you think they should be. If this is not what you want from the relationship, you either need to confront him and tell him what you want and work on the relationship from there or dump him and keep looking for the next guy that may be perfect for YOU but NOT the perfect guy. You are still young and have plenty of time to find a guy that will make you happy.

If the first guy is still living at home well thats a good indication that he isn't real aggressive. Which tells me that he doesn't care much about his parents let alone care about you. If he can't/won't support himself well that means he can't/won't support you and your son. Its very obvious that he doesn't give a hoot about anyone but himself. Your son needs stability...PERIOD!!! This fellow isn't offering it for him. So in my opinion, its time to move on.
As for fellow #2, IMO I think you wi never know your true feelings towards him because you are still "involved" with #1. Even if he is "controlling" you are still to focused on #1. I agree with the other posters, its time for you and your son to be on your own, in your own place, without these men or for that matter any man. You can do it. My momma use to tell me, don't settle for someone that has less then what I do. If I am going to be poor then I will do it alone, I don't need another person to drag me down. There are wonderful men out there that would love to have a good woman and a good son. Hang in there and block #1's emails and you and your son move on to bigger and better things, YOURSELVES!!!

Drop them both and find someone who isn't into playing head games. Respect youself and others will too. The right guy is out there, you just haven't found him yet. Good luck and keep us posted.

Originally Posted by Patchouli

I think your main concern right now should be your son. He needs a stable home life and moving all the time isn't a very stable lifestyle. You don't want a guy who still lives at home with his mother. You also don't one that's going to control your every move. You're better off being alone. I had been talking to a guy up until last week when he told me he still lived with his parents. He claimed to have a good job making good money but said he couldn't afford the high rents. Mary gave me the same advice she gave you. You want to be with someone who is going to be able to bring something to a relationship and not take away from it. I hope that makes sense. I know what I'm trying to say but I don't know if it's coming out right. lol There is another guy who I am supposed to meet next week because he's going to be in the next town over having a job interview. He may be replacing one of my old teachers who is retiring. He seems like a nice guy but he's 28 and I'm 36 so I don't know how things will work out because of the age difference. lol Over the last couple of years I have become really picky about the guys I date. Don't ever settle or lower your expectations. Eventually you will find the right guy.

Thats my girl...woo hoo...hold that head high ladies you deserve to be treated good!!!
hmmmm 28, you know what they say, "He might be young but he is fun"..lol. Sorry I couldn't resist.

`k 1st of all what are you doin` moving in with a guy you barely know especially if you have a young son...too quick....that is your problem your lookin for something & your rushing it....your main foucus should be your son right now & what is right for him....it`s time for you to take some down time & think about what you really need right now...Mary is right you want someone who is going to bring something to the relationship not take away from it....I don`t care how old you are you have a 6 yr. old...like it or not he needs to be your top priority. Patchouli:when you get to be a certain age, age doesn`t matter if both people are mature & know what they want out of life. I just turned 37 & my bf will be 28. We have been together for over 4 yrs. sorry to crap in posters thread but had to put my 2 cents in...Good Luck!