Thread: Great Truths!!

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED

1. NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY,YOU CANT BAPTIZE CATS
2. WHEN YOUR MOM IS MAD AT YOUR DAD,DONT LET HER BRUSH YOUR HAIR
3. IF YOUR SISTER HITS YOU,DONT HIT HER BACK,THEY ALWAYS CATCH THE
SECOND PERSON
4. NEVER ASK YOUR 3 YEAR OLD BROTHER TO HOLD A TOMATO
5. YOU CANT TRUST DOGS TO WATCH YOUR FOOD
6. DONT SNEEZE WHEN SOMEONE IS CUTTING YOUR HAIR
7. NEVER HOLD A DUST BUSTER AND A CAT AT THE SAME TIME
8. YOU CANT HIDE A PIECE OF BROCCOLI IN A GLASS OF MILK
9. DONT WEAR POLKA DOT UNDERWEAR UNDER WHITE SHORTS
10.THE BEST PLACE TO BE WHEN YOUR SAD IS GRANDPAS LAP

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED

1. RAISING TEENAGERS IS LIKE NAILING JELLO TO A TREE
2. WRINKLES DONT HURT
3. FAMILYS ARE LIKE FUDGE..MOSTLY SWEET.WITH A FEW NUTS
4. TODAYS MIGHTY OAK IS JUST YESTERDAYS NUT THAT HELD ITS GROUND
5. LAUGHING IS GOOD EXCERSIZE, ITS LIKE JOGGING ON THE INSIDE
7. MIDDLE AGE IS WHEN YOU CHOOSE YOUR CEREAL FOR FIBER,NOT THE JOY


GREAT THRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1. GROWING OLD IS MANDATORY,GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL
2. FORGET THE HEALTH FOOD, I NEED ALL THE PRESERVATIVES I CAN GET
3. WHEN YOU FALL DOWN, YOU WONDER WHAT ELSE YOU CAN DO WHILE DOWN
THERE
4. YOUR GETTING OLD WHEN YOU GET THE SAME SENSATION FROM A ROCKING
CHAIR THAT YOU ONCE GOT FROM A ROLLER COASTER
5. ITS FRUSTRATING WHEN YOU KNOW ALL THE ANSWERS BUT NOBODY BOTHERS
TO ASK YOU THE QUESTIONS
6. TIME MAY BE A GREAT HEALER, BUT ITS A LOUSY BEAUTICIAN
7. WISDOM COMES WITH AGE, BUT SOMETIMES AGE COMES ALONE

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE

1. YOU BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS
2. YOU DONT BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS
3. YOU ARE SANTA CLAUS
4. YOU LOOK LIKE SANTA CLAUS

SUCCESS

AT AGE 4 SUCCESS IS......... NOT PEEING YOUR PANTS
AT AGE 12 SUCCESS IS......... HAVING FRIENDS
AT AGE 16 SUCCESS IS......... HAVING A DRIVERS LICENSE
AT AGE 20 SUCCESS IS......... GOING ALL THE WAY
AT AGE 35 SUCCESS IS......... HAVING MONEY
AT AGE 50 SUCCESS IS......... HAVING MONEY
AT AGE 60 SUCCESS IS......... GOING ALL THE WAY
AT AGE 70 SUCCESS IS......... HAVING A DRIVERS LICENSE
AT AGE 75 SUCCESS IS......... HAVING FRIENDS
AT AGE 80 SUCCESS IS......... NOT PEEING IN YOUR PANTS