Thread: Are You a Redneck? Test It

The Duke Boys, the Beverly Hillbillies, and Jeff Foxworthy proved how much we Americans relate to rednecks. So, take a few minutes off from shining up your El Camino and calculate your redneck quotient, Clem.

1. What's your favorite thing to do on Saturday nights?

Imbibe from a bottle of 30-year-old scotch on my yacht.

Look at myself in the mirror and shout, ''Al Pacino! Al Pa-cheen-oh!''

Make fun of the hillbillies who live next door.

Cook up some grits and hog jowls.
''Breedin' ''

2. What are your life's aspirations?

Attend one of the Ivy League institutions. Yes, I've got a smirk on my face.

To write a book about the conversations I've had with my pet rock.

I'm an urban cowboy still struggling to defeat that mechanical bull.

Drink a whole case of Hamm's in one sitting.

Catch up on all those old ''Hee Haw'' episodes.

3. What's the biggest problem with your living quarters?

Hiring enough French maids to keep the manor clean.

The doorman has been giving me lip.

The cops always show up whenever I have a ''hoe-down.''

The landlord doesn't want me raising chickens on the balcony.

Tornadoes keep blowing it away. Yeah, it's a trailer.

4. What were the first words you spoke as a child?

''Oh, Belvidere! It's tea time.''
Banzaiiii! (?!)

Cat's got my tongue.

''Ma!? Pa?! I ain't got no teeth!''

''Yeeee-hawwww!''

5. Which one of these celebrities would you consider your role model?

I'm arrogant, bald and intellectual just like Frasier Crane.

That guy who used to play Higgins on
''Magnum P.I.''

Burt Reynolds in ''Smokey and the Bandit'' or Clint Eastwood in ''Every Which Way but Loose.''

Garth Brooks, because I've got a hat just like that.

Elvis: Hell, he's the king, ain't he?

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