Thread: The Best and Worst of the 75th Annual Academy Awards

by Kat Giantis MSN Entertainment

"Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy night." So said Bette Davis in the film montage that opened the 75th annual Academy Awards, and that famous line from All About Eve proved an appropriate sentiment for an Oscar night that was anything but smooth. After a subdued (okay, boring) first hour, the festivities quickly rose to a fever pitch thanks to a couple of jaw-dropping upsets, several impassioned anti-war statements and a prolonged, unexpected lip-lock on a shocked Halle Berry. So buckle up and check out some of the highlights and lowlights from this year's Academy Awards:


Biggest Show of Chutzpah: Surprise Best Actor winner Adrien Brody, who threw caution to the wind and used his once-in-a-lifetime moment in the spotlight to fulfill many a man's fantasy: he swept Halle Berry into a passionate smackeroo that had a decidedly French (er, freedom?) flavor. "I bet they didn't tell you that was in the gift bag," joked The Pianist star to a shocked Berry, who nonetheless played along, wiping excess saliva from the side of her mouth. Despite his nervousness, Brody made one of the most moving speeches in recent memory, paying tribute to a friend stationed overseas and bringing the crowd to its feet as he concluded, "Let's pray for a peaceful and swift resolution."


Classiest Act: Peter O'Toole proved why he still holds out hope of winning his own Oscar, rather than the honorary one he accepted with so much dignity, wit, and brevity. "Always a bridesmaid, never a bride, my foot," said O'Toole. "I have my very own Oscar now to be with me until death us do part." We only hope that we "totter into antiquity" with half as much style as this fine thespian.


Best Off-the-Cuff Remark, Part 1: Steve Martin's abstract segue from noting "cleavage is in" to an intro of Academy president Frank Pierson, which led the prez to joke, "That's the last time I share a dressing room with him."


Most Heterosexual Man in Hollywood: Sunglass-clad Jack Nicholson, who laughed heartily when the camera panned to him as the punchline to Steve Martin's "gay" reference.


Most Unintentionally Hilarious Montage: The ill-conceived recap of Academy Award song and dance horrors. Not even Julie Andrews, who received a well-deserved standing ovation (doesn't she look great?) could rescue this filmed history of choreographed crimes of Oscars past.


Most Adorable Presenter, Part 1: Major babe Gael Garcia Bernal from Y Tu Mama Tambien. He had us at "Hola."


It's Her Party, and She'll Cry If She Wants To: Nicole Kidman, who, despite a warning from fellow Oscar-winning Aussie Russell Crowe not to cry onstage, let the tears flow. Nicole eventually got it together and touchingly paid tribute to her mom and daughter, who were both in the audience: "My whole life I've wanted to make my mother proud and now I'm going to make my daughter proud." Who knew divorcing Tom Cruise could work such wonders on one's career?


Words We Thought We'd Never Hear Spoken by Barbra Streisand: "And the Oscar goes to... Eminem!"


Best Performance in an Embarrassing Situation: The lovely Jennifer Garner managed to keep her composure and her dignity as she shared the stage with an animated Mickey Mouse in the most mortifying use of a Disney character since Rob Lowe danced with Snow White.


Biggest Upset, Part 1: First-time nominee Adrien Brody beat out Best Actor frontrunners Jack Nicholson and Daniel Day-Lewis in a victory that caught everyone by surprise. Props to young Brody (at 29, he's the youngest Best Actor winner ever), who quickly adjusted to his newfound fame by refusing to be played off the stage.



Biggest Upset, Part 2: Admit it: you gasped when Roman Polanski was named Best Director for The Pianist. Yeah, us too. We were fully expecting the much-nominated Martin Scorsese or the buzz-heavy Rob Marshall to walk away with the prize. Apparently, Hollywood is far more forgiving than the U.S. legal system, which is still hoping to bring the fugitive filmmaker to justice.


Best Supported Actresses: Never have so many curves looked as good as they did on the Best Supporting Actress nominees, who would make a fine advertisement for all-natural beauty.


Most Adorable Presenter, Part 2: It's been so long since we've seen Keanu Reeves in anything but grunge wear that we've forgotten how well he wears a tux. We now have a sudden urge to see The Matrix: Reloaded. Go figure.


Best Sport in the Face of Ribbing: Kathy Bates, who laughed when Steve Martin joked, "It was a big year for Jack Nicholson. He even got in a hot tub with Kathy Bates. But hey, who hasn't?"


Most Confused in the Face of Losing: Kathy Bates again, who sat frozen in her seat as Sean Connery announced the Best Supporting Actress winner was "Catherine." He failed to realize that's her name, too. Next time, Sean, read the entire moniker.


Most Gracious Towards a Fellow Nominee: Best Supporting Actor Chris Cooper, who not only got a kiss on the lips from his Adaptation co-star Meryl Streep, but honored her in his speech, saying, "Working with this woman was like making great jazz."


Most Missed Indulgence: The acting clips that usually accompany the names of the nominees. We love to see the actors' "aw shucks" expressions as they watch themselves chew scenery in front of millions of people.


Brains and Bronze: Maybe Ben Affleck just got back from the beach, or maybe he used a wee bit too much bronzer. Either way, he bore a striking resemblance to rich, Corinthian leather.


Most Obvious Oscar Night Producing: The much-thanked Harvey Weinstein repeatedly urged reluctant Chicago director Rob Marshall to climb on stage with producer Marty Richards when the film won Best Picture.


Most Polarizing Moment: Everyone knew outspoken filmmaker Michael Moore was going to speak his mind if Bowling for Columbine won Best Documentary, and he didn't disappoint, despite a mixed reaction from the crowd. "I've invited my fellow nominees on the stage with us, and they are here in solidarity with me because we like nonfiction. We like nonfiction and we live in fictitious times. We live in a time when we have fictitious election results that elect a fictitious president," said Moore, who was greeted with both booing and cheering. "We live in a time where we have a man sending us to war for fictitious reasons, whether it's the fictition (sic) of duct tape or the fictition (sic) of orange alerts, we are against this war, Mr. Bush. Shame on you, Mr. Bush! Shame on you!"



Best Off-the-Cuff Remark, Part 2: Host Steve Martin, returning to the stage following Moore's speech, telling the crowd: "It's so sweet backstage. I wish you could all see it. The Teamsters are helping Michael Moore into the trunk of his limo."



Most Self-Deprecating Presenter: Kirk Douglas, his words slurred by a stroke he suffered in 1996, urged son Michael to "speak distinctly" during their touching Best Picture presentation, which ended with Kirk refusing the customary "And the Oscar goes to" in favor of the more truthful, "And the winner is..." We have a sudden urge to call our dad RIGHT NOW.


Best Consolation Prize: Ed Harris, who received a sympathetic pat on the leg from seatmate Nicole Kidman after losing the Best Supporting Actor award to Chris Cooper. Given the choice, most men probably would have taken the pat to the prize.



Where's the Dramamine?: The opening diamond drop montage of film clips, while a cool effect in theory, left us feeling dizzy and discombobulated, sort of like when Kathy Bates disrobed in About Schmidt.


Worst Performance by a Onetime Nominee: We have nothing against actors making a buck shilling for major corporations, but we were slightly creeped out by Sharon Stone coming on to the AOL icon. Hey Sharon, you've got mail... and it says you need a new agent.


Harshest Zinger, Part 1: Martin quipped that Jennifer Lopez has been "married twice and divorced five times. Now that's a good lawyer." The future Mrs. Affleck did not look amused.


Harshest Zinger, Part 2: "At one point, Mickey Rooney was the biggest box office star in all thirty-eight states," joked Martin, adding that he was "paid in beads."



Worst Springboard to Super-Stardom?: Was it just us, or did it seem that many of the past winners of the Best Supporting Actress Oscar sink into obscurity? Coincidence or curse? You be the judge.



Most Surprisingly Restrained Presenters: Though Susan Sarandon, Barbra Streisand, and Dustin Hoffman all looked as though they were having an internal debate as to whether to go off script, all kept to their rehearsed remarks, though the fetchingly attired Sarandon did give the peace sign as she walked out on stage.


We Thought It Was the "Puffy Shirt" from Seinfeld: "So many people here tonight are wearing Armani, but Sean [Connery] was wearing Red Lobster," quipped Steve Martin of the swashbuckling Scotsman's ruffled pirate-like shirt.


Like Omigod! Best '80s Fashion Statements: The one-shouldered gowns sported by Halle Berry, Nicole Kidman and Marcia Gay Harden brought back Flashdance memories. What a feeling.


Best Special Effects: Thanks to a black, belly-diminishing dress and some perfectly positioned dancers and scenery, you couldn't really tell that Catherine Zeta-Jones was eight months pregnant during her performance of "I Move On" with Queen Latifah.

So Much for That Harvard Education: Ivy Leaguer Mira Sorvino looked lean and lovely on stage, but her tongue kept tripping over the word "aesthetic," despite numerous attempts to spit it out. But we loved her deep throaty laugh as she chuckled at her flub.


Best Veronica Lake Impersonation: Presenter Cameron Diaz, who nearly lost sight of the teleprompter as her peek-a-boo hair obscured half her face.


Most Disturbing Sight: Ernest Borgnine, who blew a kiss to Steve Martin as the camera panned to the host's alleged conquests in the audience.


Best Godfather Reference: Martin claiming that after he used the term "gay mafia," he woke up with a "poodle head in my bed." Does PETA know about this?


Who's Afraid of the Academy Awards?: Despite press coverage that this year's Academy Awards were going to be Elizabeth Taylor's swan song, the violet-eyed legend didn't show.



Oversharing, Part 1: "My hormones are way too out of control to be doing this," said the very pregnant (but very radiant) Catherine Zeta-Jones upon collecting her Best Supporting Actress prize for Chicago.


Oversharing, Part 2: Robert Duvall, revealing in a filmed segment that when he won his Oscar, he put it on top of the urinal because he had other, more urgent, business to attend to.


Oversharing, Part 3: Shirley Jones, a.k.a. Mrs. Partridge, disclosing that winning the Oscar "greatly improved my sex life."


Most Improved Hair: A tie between the curiously robust locks of Matthew McConaughey and the cropped cut of Chris Cooper, which is a vast improvement over the greasy, stringy 'do he sported in Adaptation.



Most Swaggering Presenter: Colin Farrell, who seemed eminently comfortable onstage, even tossing Martin's potential rehabber joke back at him. And no, we don't know what Colin said to U2 in Gaelic, but we're dying to find out.


Best Dedication: Said Steve Martin at the end of the three hour plus: "To the men and women overseas -- we are thinking of you. Why? We hoped you enjoyed the show. It was for you."


Most Repeated Riff: "And All That Jazz...," which played again and again as Chicago took home six awards. It's going to be stuck in our heads for a week, which is about as long as anyone remembers who won the d*mn awards.