Thread: 6 Ways to Ruin Your Children

Kids don’t come with an instruction manual, and there’s no such thing as a perfect parent. You can read as many books as possible, talk to all the moms on the playground and pay for weekly therapy sessions, and you still might feel like you don’t know what you are doing.

However, with the all DOs out there, ever wish you had a breakdown of the DON’Ts? Even if you think you’re trying your best, it might not be enough. Take a look at this list of six sure-fire ways to create a ruined child.

Give in – No matter what your children want, they get it. Whether it’s the toy in line at the supermarket or the video game console that will cost you a week’s pay, giving them everything they ask for is breeding ground for a brat.
Many parents believe that denying a child their requests will make them seem like the enemy. However, kids need realistic expectations about how to earn things and the value of money and hard work.

Handing over your wallet with every whine or whimper will give the impression that money and materialistic items are more important than emotional and meaningful experiences and that you do not have to earn or work for the things you want.

What to do instead: Limit your children to one new toy or purchase a month with a set spending limit. If they want more items or something more expensive, they have to earn it by doing chores or saving their own money.


2 .Lack of Discipline – If your child acts up, throws a fit or bullies another child, you do nothing. Lack of discipline in parenting often stems from not wanting to look “mean.” Many parents don't know the correct way to discipline a child, so they choose to do nothing instead.

This type of ghost parenting can lead to serious problems, like delinquency. Children thrive with boundaries and rules for interactions with others. Without consequences, the line between good and bad can become blurred or even non-existent.

What to do instead: Set clear and consistent rules and consequences for your children. If they act out in school or public, take away a privilege such as television or dessert at dinner. Use timeouts for misbehaving at home and explain why the undesired behavior is unacceptable.


3. Always Take Their Side – When a teacher or other adult reports an act of misbehavior, you don’t believe them and always side with your child. While we all want to believe our kids are little angels, turning a blind eye to their transgressions or living in denial is not the answer. Some parents have the impression that their children can do no wrong and that authority figures are bullies. It’s vital to emphasize the important role of teachers, police and older adults. Make your kids understand that they are not above the rules and that mistakes have repercussions.

What to do instead: If your child’s teacher or caregiver suggests a certain act of discipline, follow it as long is it is not dangerous or unreasonable. Explain to your kids why it is happening and that you still love them, but need them to do what is asked of them in order to be responsible.

4. Fight in Front of the Kids – Calling your spouse terrible names, getting in screaming matches and threatening him or her in front of your children can have negative physiological effects. Kids who witness this may act out in fear, run away, seek dangerous coping techniques like drugs or alcohol and may think it’s acceptable to treat your spouse or other people in this manner.

What to do instead: Keep it civil in front of the kids and take arguments into another room or outside. Set up an appointment for your children to speak with a therapist to help get them through a divorce or family problems. Instill in your child that name calling and violence are unacceptable ways to deal with conflict. 5.Set a Bad Example – Cutting in line, lying, saying curse words and stealing in front of your little ones sets a bad example. Parents are the first teachers for children, and their actions make the biggest impressions. Bad behavior while your children are present can alter the perceptions of what is right and wrong. You’re wrong if you think kids aren’t paying attention. Children are extremely impressionable and will begin to mimic bad behavior if exposed to it frequently.

5. Set a Bad Example – Cutting in line, lying, saying curse words and stealing in front of your little ones sets a bad example. Parents are the first teachers for children, and their actions make the biggest impressions. Bad behavior while your children are present can alter the perceptions of what is right and wrong. You’re wrong if you think kids aren’t paying attention. Children are extremely impressionable and will begin to mimic bad behavior if exposed to it frequently.

What to do instead: Resolve to be a model citizen in front of your child. Of course, we all make mistakes, and you should explain to your children why what you did was wrong and what you can do to fix it.

6. Not Being Present – Working late, choosing happy hour over a soccer game or just plain ignoring your kids. Kids need to feel loved and needed and that they are worthy of attention and affection. A child may seek comfort from inappropriate people or suffer from depression if neglected.

What to do instead: Even if you’ve got a packed work schedule or need a break from parenting duties every now and then, aim to have one day or night a week dedicated to them. Watch a movie together or spend an afternoon in the park.

http://www.mydailymoment.com/moms/pa...ren.php?page=4

The Most Controversial Parenting Methods
Monday, June 25, 2012 5:00AM

Today, Anderson welcomes actress Mayim Bialik, who opens up about attachment parenting. In addition to this particular style of raising children, see what other parenting methods are creating controversy. http://www.andersoncooper.com/2012/0...ent-parenting/

The Most Controversial Parenting Methods

Attachment Parenting : Attachment parenting is also called responsive parenting. Parents are responsive in every way to the needs of their child, and the child responds by forming a closer bond.

Uninvolved Parenting : Uninvolved parenting is close to complete neglect; these parents are neither demanding nor responsive, and they can even be rejecting in the most extreme situations, according to psychology professor Nancy Darling.

Uninvolved parents don’t set rules for children, or offer emotional support or otherwise get involved in their children’s lives.

Such parenting involves sometimes a complete surrender of discipline, in which case children have extreme freedom to govern themselves.

Permissive Parenting : Also known as indulgent parenting style, permissive parenting is when parents raise their kids without making any demands or setting any expectations. Parents often bond with their kids, but never teach them how to properly behave. The main effect of this style is kids will be more responsible with their actions and have the freedom to choose.

This style of parenting can also cause kids to become spoiled. Children are not given limits for their behavior in this type of parenting style. Parents turn all their love and attention to their children and don’t correct any wrong behavior or even inform kids that what they’re doing is wrong. In this parenting style, parents are laid back and firmly believe that kids are given liberty to make their own decisions, and the parents should give them their utmost support.

'Babywise' : A controversial book, “On Being Babywise,” or better known as “Babywise,” by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo, caused quite a stir in the parenting community. Gary Ezzo and his wife, Anne Marie, began teaching parenting classes at the church they attended and were initially successful.

This book and their 18-week workshop “Growing Kids God’s Way,” focused on putting the parental relationship as the important factor in the family unit, and warned against letting children come between the parents or interfering with the parents in any way.

The Ezzos believe that old saying about an idle hand being the devil’s plaything, even when it comes to children, shunning the notion that free play is imperative to children’s development and self-esteem. They say that children are welcome members of the family but are not to ever be the focus, nor should you befriend your children until they’re adults.


Authoritative Parenting : An authoritative or democratic parenting style is based largely on the ideas of respect and balance among parents and children. Authoritative parents are simultaneously demanding and responsive, assertive but not intrusive. They set high expectations and clear rules for children while providing affection and emotional support.

Their children are able to make choices within reasonable limits; this allows children freedom while teaching them responsibility for their choices.


'Cry It Out Method' :
The “cry it out method” teaches babies how to sleep through the night, but some parents and experts disagree. Advocates say there are better ways to help babies learn how to soothe themselves and sleep through the night. This particular method is all about the parents’ judgment call.

Some experts maintain:
1. Parents can not respond to every cry.
2. There has to be some moderation.
3. Don’t get sucked into to responding to every cry or whimper.

On the other hand, intense crying isn’t good for a baby’s brain. Oxygen levels decrease and blood pressure increases during prolonged crying.

http://www.andersoncooper.com/2012/0...enting-methods

Mayim Bialik: Tired of the attachment parenting argument
'Big Bang Theory' actress is tired of critics of her parenting style,
which includes long-term breastfeeding, co-sleeping and child-carrying.
By Charyn Pfeuffer - MSN Living Editor 11 hours ago

Actress Mayim Bialik doesn’t want to fight with you. This past weekend, she told Yahoo! omg! that she's tired of strangers trying to pick fights with her about her choice to raise her two kids by attachment parenting.

The controversial style of parenting is a philosophy that endorses a mix of practices including long-term breastfeeding, co-sleeping, and child-carrying (as opposed to stroller use) in an effort to (among other things) foster a secure, nourishing emotional bond that will last for the lifetime of the parent-child relationship, reports The Christian Science Monitor. http://www.csmonitor.com/The-Culture...ting-criticism.

“If I’m talking to girlfriends, if I’m talking to random people, and we’re talking about parenting, I tell them what works for me and why. But a lot of people want to ask me things so that they can fight with me,” Bialik, a licensed lactation education counselor, told Yahoo! omg! “And just because I’m a public person, who happened to have breastfed and slept with her kids, that doesn’t mean that I want to fight with you on the street or in the supermarket. So, I think you have to be really careful to understand why people want to know what they want to know.”

http://omg.yahoo.com/blogs/celeb-new...000748348.html

I do not agree with all the aspects of "attachment parenting" but I respect her opinion that it is her choice to make with regard to her kids. She isn't telling anyone else they have to do things "her way" nor is she saying that anyone is "wrong" for doing their own style of parenting. Go for it....