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Thread: Favorite Quotes

  1. #56
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    100 Wise Words For Everyone.

    1. There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs is not one of them.

    2. Never cancel dinner plans by text message.

    3. Don’t knock it ‘til you try it.

    4. If a street performer makes you stop walking, you owe him a buck.

    5. Always use “we” when referring to your home team or your government.

    6. When entrusted with a secret, keep it.

    7. DON’T underestimate free throws in a game of HORSE.

    8. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

    9. Don’t dumb it down.

    10. You only get one chance to notice a new haircut.

    11. If you’re staying more than one night, unpack.

    12. Never park in front of a bar.

    13. Expect the seat in front of you to recline. Prepare accordingly.

    14. Keep a picture of your first fish, first car, and first girl/boyfriend.

    15. Hold your heroes to a high standard.

    16. A suntan is earned, not bought.

    17. Never lie to your doctor.

    18. All guns are loaded.

    19. Don’t mention sunburns. Believe me, they know.

    20. The best way to show thanks is to wear it. Even if it’s only once.

    21. Take a vacation of your cell phone, internet, and TV once a year.

    22. Don’t fill up on bread, no matter how good.

    23. A handshake beats an autograph.

    24. Don’t linger in the doorway. In or out.

    25. If you choose to go in drag, don’t sell yourself short.

    26. If you want to know what makes you unique, sit for a caricature.

    27. Never get your haircut the day of a special event.

    28. Be mindful of what comes between you and the Earth. Always buy good shoes, tires, and sheets.

    29. Never eat lunch at your desk if you can avoid it.

    30. When you’re with new friends, don’t just talk about old friends.

    31. Eat lunch with the new kids.

    32. When traveling, keep your wits about you.

    33. It’s never too late for an apology.

    34. Don’t pose with booze.

    35. If you have right of way. TAKE IT.

    36. You don’t get to choose your own nickname.

    37. When you marry someone, remember you marry their entire family.

    38. Never push someone off a dock.

    39. Under no circumstances should you ask a woman if she is pregnant.

    40. It’s not enough to be proud of your ancestry, live up to it.

    41. Don’t make a scene.

    42. When giving a thank you speech, short and sweet is best.

    43. Know when to ignore the camera.

    44. Never gloat.

    45. Invest in great luggage.

    46. Make time for your mom on your birthday, It’s her special day too.

    47. When opening presents, no one likes a good guesser.

    48. Sympathy is a crutch, never fake a limp.

    49. Give credit. Take Blame.

    50. Suck it up every now and again.

    51. Never be the last one in the pool.

    52. Don’t stare.

    53. Address everyone that carries a firearm professionally.

    54. Stand up to bullies. You’ll only have to do it once.

    55. If you’ve made your point, stop talking.

    56. Admit it when you’re wrong.

    57. If you offer to help don’t quit until the job is done.

    58. Look people in the eye when you thank them.

    59. Thank the bus driver.

    60. Never answer the phone at the dinner table.

    61. Forgive yourself for your mistakes.

    62. Know at least one good joke.

    63. Don’t boo. Even the ref is somebody’s son.

    64. Know how to cook one good meal.

    65. Learn to drive a stick shift.

    66. Be cool to younger kids. Reputations are built over a lifetime.

    67. It’s okay to go to the movies by yourself.

    68. Dance with your mother/father.

    69. Don’t lose your cool. Especially at work.

    70. Always thank the host.

    71. If you don’t understand, ask before it’s too late.

    72. Know the size of your boyfriend/girlfriends clothes.

    73. There is nothing wrong with a plain t-shirt.

    74. Be a good listener. Don’t just take your turn to talk.

    75. Keep your word.

    76. In college always sit in the front. You’ll stand out immediately. Come grade time might come in handy.

    77. Carry your mother’s bags. She carried you for 9 months.

    78. Be patient with airport security. They are just doing their job.

    79. Don’t be the talker in a movie.

    80. The opposite sex likes people who shower.

    81. You are what you do. Not what you say.

    82. Learn to change a tire.

    83. Be kind. Everyone has a hard fight ahead of them.

    84. An hour with grandparents is time well spent. Ask for advice when you need it.

    85. Don’t litter.

    86. If you have a sister, get to know her boyfriend. Your opinion is important.

    87. You won’t always be the strongest of fastest. But you can be the toughest.

    88. Never call someone before or after 9 AM and 9PM.

    89. Buy the orange properties in Monopoly.

    90. Make the little things count.

    91. Always wear a bra at work.

    92. There is a fine line between looking sultry and slutty. Find it.

    93. You’re never too old to need your mom.

    94. Ladies, if you make the decision to wear heels on the first date commit to keeping them on and keeping your trap shut about how much your feet kill.

    95. Know the words to your national anthem.

    96. Your dance moves might not be the best, but I promise making a fool of yourself is more fun than sitting on the bench alone.

    97. Smile at strangers.

    98. Make Goals.

    99. Being old is not dictated by your bedtime.

    100. If you HAVE to fight, punch first and punch hard.
    Laissez les bon temps rouler! Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.** a 4 day work week & sex slaves ~ I say Tyt for PRESIDENT! Not to be taken internally, literally or seriously ....Suki ebaynni IS THAT BETTER ?

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  4. #57
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    101 Greatest George Carlin Quotes
    The man who once said “life is worth losing” is dead.
    But his quotes live on.
    In no particular order here are his 101 best…

    1.I don’t have pet peeves — I have major psychotic f-cking hatreds!

    2.Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

    3.Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That’s just common sense!

    4.A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.

    5.Have you ever noticed that their stuff is sh-t and your sh-t is stuff?

    6.I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: Not dying! I figured that sh-t out by myself in the third grade.

    7.I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I’m an American — you know, you grow.

    8.You can’t fight City Hall, but you can g-d-mn sure blow it up.

    9.If the Cincinnati Reds were really the first major league baseball team, who did they play?

    10.Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

    11.If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

    12.No one knows what’s next, but everybody does it.

    13.There are 400,000 words in the English language, and there are seven you can’t say on television. What a ratio that is! 399,993 to 7. They must really be baaaad. They must be OUTRAGEOUS to be separated from a group that large. “All of you words over here, you seven….baaaad words.” That’s what they told us, right? …You know the seven, don’t ya? That you can’t say on TV? Sh-t, p-ss, f-ck, c-nt, c-cks-cker, m-therfcker and t-ts.

    14.The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”

    15.The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.

    16.Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.

    17.Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man… living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.

    18.Weather forecast for tonight: Dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

    19.If it requires a uniform, it’s a worthless endeavor.

    20.If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.

    21.You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

    22.Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.

    23.Reminds me of something my third-grade teacher said to us. She said, “You show me a tropical fruit and I’ll show you a c-cksucker from Guatemala.”

    24.As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero, he no longer is.

    25.If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.

    26.The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.

    27.I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.

    28.I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.

    29.If you’ve got a cat and a leg, you’ve got a happy cat. If you’ve got a cat and two legs, you’ve got a party.

    30.You can prick your finger — just don’t finger your prick.

    31.By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

    32.Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

    33.Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

    34.I don’t like to think of laws as rules you have to follow, but more as suggestions.

    35.I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

    36.When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front-row seat.

    37.Eventually, alas, I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it.

    38.I never f-cked a ten, but one night, I f-cked five twos.

    39.I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don’t trust any organization that has a handbook.

    40.I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.

    41.Have you noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are women you wouldn’t want to f-ck in the first place? There’s such balance in nature.

    42.So I say, “Live and let live.” That’s my motto. “Live and let live.” Anyone who can’t go along with that, take him outside and shoot the mother-cker. It’s a simple philosophy, but it’s always worked in our family.

    43....Catholic — which I was until I reached the age of reason.

    44.Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.”

    45.I love and treasure individuals as I meet them; I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.

    46.Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.

    47.Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.

    48.God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.

    49.I’ve never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.

    50.One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you’re too tired.

    51.If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense?

    52.What year did Jesus think it was?

    53.George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.

    54.Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.

    55.In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.

    56.Once you leave the womb, conservatives don’t care about you until you reach military age. Then you’re just what they’re looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers.

    57.“One thing leads to another”? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.

    58.No one who has had “Taps” played for them has ever been able to hear it.

    59.Property is theft. Nobody “owns” anything. When you die, it all stays here.

    60.The best thing about living at the water’s edge: You only have -ssholes on three sides of you, and if they come this way you can hear them splash.

    61.The future will soon be a thing of the past.

    62.The planet is fine. The people are f-cked.

    63.The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

    64.Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.

    65.The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.

    66.I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.

    67.Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes.

    68.“When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?” This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!

    69.Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself.

    70.And now, in the interest of equal time, here is a message from the National Institute of Pancakes: It reads, and I quote, “F-ck waffles.”

    71.Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

    72.Whoever coined the term “Buyer Beware” was probably bleeding from the -sshole.

    73.Cloud nine gets all the publicity, but cloud eight actually is cheaper, less crowded, and has a better view.

    74.Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?

    75.I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.
    Laissez les bon temps rouler! Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.** a 4 day work week & sex slaves ~ I say Tyt for PRESIDENT! Not to be taken internally, literally or seriously ....Suki ebaynni IS THAT BETTER ?

  5. #58
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    101 Greatest George Carlin Quotes

    76.Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin’ ready to hang himself.

    77.The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.

    78.If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.

    79.“Meow” means “woof” in cat.

    80.Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.

    81.Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

    82.“No comment” is a comment.

    83.If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.

    84.You can’t argue with a good blowjob.

    85.Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it’s because at the moment they’re not actually dying.

    86.So far, this is the oldest I’ve been.

    87.Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fck.

    88.Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?

    89.When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn’t a lot worth
    paying attention to.

    90.The Golden Gate Bridge should have a long bungee cord for people who aren’t quite ready to commit suicide but want to get in a little practice.

    91.I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.

    92.If the cops didn’t see it, I didn’t do it!

    93.Hooray for most things!

    94.Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough
    stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff.

    95.I don’t have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights.

    96.What was the best thing before sliced bread?

    97.May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

    98.Life is a zero sum game.

    99.Somehow I enjoy watching people suffer.

    100.I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.

    101.It isn’t fair: the caterpillar does all the work, and the butterfly gets all the glory.
    Laissez les bon temps rouler! Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.** a 4 day work week & sex slaves ~ I say Tyt for PRESIDENT! Not to be taken internally, literally or seriously ....Suki ebaynni IS THAT BETTER ?

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  7. #59
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    Tomorrow marks the 20th anniversary of Bob Ross's death. Ross wasn’t just a skilled artist—he was unrivaled in his ability to spout verbal poetry faster than it took to paint one of those happy little clouds. Here are some of his best bits of wisdom.

    1.On politics

    "That's a crooked tree. We'll send him to Washington."

    —From "The Joy of Painting"

    2. On yellow snow

    “The only thing worse than yellow snow is green snow."

    —From "The Joy of Painting"

    3. On violence"I like to beat the brush."

    —From "The Joy of Painting"

    4. On power

    “In painting, you have unlimited power. You have the ability to move mountains. You can bend rivers. But when I get home, the only thing I have power over is the garbage.”

    —From "The Joy of Painting"

    5. On the value of extremes

    “You need the dark in order to show the light.”

    —From "The Joy of Painting"

    6. On beauty

    “Look around. Look at what we have. Beauty is everywhere—you only have to look to see it.”

    —From "The Joy of Painting"

    7. On communing with nature

    “Just go out and talk to a tree. Make friends with it.”

    —From "The Joy of Painting"

    8. On befriending nature

    “There's nothing wrong with having a tree as a friend.”

    —From "The Joy of Painting"

    9. On why you really seriously should make friends with a tree

    “Trees cover up a multitude of sins.”

    —From "The Joy of Painting"

    10. On challenging the haters

    “They say everything looks better with odd numbers of things. But sometimes I put even numbers—just to upset the critics."

    —From "The Joy of Painting"

    11. On challenging yourself

    “How do you make a round circle with a square knife? That’s your challenge for the day.”

    —From "The Joy of Painting"

    12. On parental advice

    “I remember when my Dad told me as a kid, ‘If you want to catch a rabbit, stand behind a tree and make a noise like a carrot. Then when the rabbit comes by you grab him.’ Works pretty good until you try to figure out what kind of noise a carrot makes…”

    —From "The Joy of Painting"

    13. On the joys of painting

    "We tell people sometimes: we're like drug dealers, come into town and get everybody absolutely addicted to painting. It doesn't take much to get you addicted."

    —From "The Joy of Painting"

    14. On the power of belief

    “The secret to doing anything is believing that you can do it. Anything that you believe you can do strong enough, you can do. Anything. As long as you believe.”

    —From "The Joy of Painting"

    15. On laziness

    “Water's like me. It's laaazy ... Boy, it always looks for the easiest way to do things”

    —From "The Joy of Painting"

    16. On Uncle Sam

    “Oooh, if you have never been to Alaska, go there while it is still wild. My favorite uncle asked me if I wanted to go there, Uncle Sam. He said if you don't go, you're going to jail. That is how Uncle Sam asks you.”

    —From "The Joy of Painting"

    17. On the da Vinci within all of us

    “I really believe that if you practice enough you could paint the 'Mona Lisa' with a two-inch brush.”

    —From "The Joy of Painting"

    18. On abstract art

    “If I paint something, I don't want to have to explain what it is.”

    —From an interview with The New York Times

    19. On the temperament of the artist

    “We artists are a different breed of people. We're a happy bunch.”

    —From "The Joy of Painting"

    20. On making mistakes

    “We don't make mistakes. We just have happy accidents.”

    —From "The Joy of Painting"

    July 3, 2015 - 8:00am
    Laissez les bon temps rouler! Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.** a 4 day work week & sex slaves ~ I say Tyt for PRESIDENT! Not to be taken internally, literally or seriously ....Suki ebaynni IS THAT BETTER ?

  8. #60
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    35 Slogans For College Majors If They Were Actually Honest.

    #6 Is So True.

    Chemistry: Where alcohol IS a solution.

    Biochemistry: Spend 4 years aspiring to discover the cure for cancer, and the rest of your life manufacturing shampoo.

    Archaeology: If you don’t know what it is, it’s probably ceremonial.

    Information Technology: Let me google that for you.

    Computer Science (for a straight girl): The odds are good, but the goods are odd.

    Political Science: Your opinion is wrong.

    Aerospace Engineering: “It actually is rocket science.”

    Engineering: The art of figuring out which parameters you can safely ignore.

    Structural Engineering: Because architects don’t know what physics is.

    Philosophy: Think about it…

    Communications: “We’ll teach you everything you need to know about convincing your friends that your degree is actually meaningful.”

    Speech Pathology: We have ways of making you talk.

    Linguistics: Studied 17 languages, am fluent in none of them.

    Criminal Justice: We’re here because of Law & Order reruns.

    Photography: It’s worth a shot.

    Statistics: Where everything’s made up and the numbers don’t matter.

    Anthropology: It’ll get you laid, but won’t get you paid!

    Zoology: Because you can’t major in kittens.

    Psychology: good luck doing anything until you get your master’s!

    Premed: “I’ll probably switch majors in 2 years.”

    History: History may repeat itself, but you definitely will.

    English: So you want to be a teacher.

    Film: Forks on the left, knives on the right.

    Astrophysics: “Eh, I’m within an order of magnitude.”

    Creative Writing: Because job security is for pussies.

    Latin: Because useful is overrated.

    Physics: “Everything you learned last week is wrong.”

    Nursing: Learning to save other’s lives while struggling not to take your own.

    Marine Bio: “I wanted to play with dolphins…but I’m looking at algae instead.”

    Accounting: Selling your soul for money.

    Finance: “Accounting was too hard.”

    Journalism: Learn how to construct an argument that no one will pay to listen to.

    Art History: And you thought MAKING art was pointless!

    Music Performance: If you don’t hate yourself, you’re doing it wrong.

    Graphic Design: No, we aren’t artists. We are designers. There’s a difference.
    Laissez les bon temps rouler! Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.** a 4 day work week & sex slaves ~ I say Tyt for PRESIDENT! Not to be taken internally, literally or seriously ....Suki ebaynni IS THAT BETTER ?

  9. #61
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    In this episode of Dragnet which aired March 7, 1968 titled “The Big Departure”, a few teenagers want to start their own country on an island off the coast of California. When they are caught stealing from local stores to fund their efforts, Jack Webb has THIS to say to them.

    From Episode 42 - "The Big Departure" (Written by Preston Wood; Aired March 7, 1968)
    (After Friday and Gannon have brought Charles Vail (Roger Mobley), Dennis Melvin (Lou Wagner), and Paul Siever (Kevin Coughlin) together for questioning, Mobley, speaking for the trio, claims that a lot of people have struck out on their own-like the Pilgrims.)
    FRIDAY: "Yeah, well, they had a few things going for them that you don't. They knew how to hunt. How to use an ax. How to build a house. Start a fire without matches and bank it at night so it wouldn't go out.
    "You know how to do all that, of course. And you're going to grow this." [Friday holds up a packet of asparagus seeds, which the kid claims he bought.]
    MOBLEY: "Oh, yeah, I really dig fresh asparagus."
    FRIDAY: "When do you think you'll eat it?"
    MOBLEY: "This summer."
    FRIDAY: "Asparagus takes two years.
    "The Pilgrims could raise their own food-which you can't. And even so, half of them died the first year. But you prepared for that too, didn't you?"
    MOBLEY: I don't know what you mean."
    FRIDAY: "You've got shovels."
    MOBLEY: "All right. Big deal. We're not the frontiersmen of all time. But Dennis and Paul [Wagner and Coughlin] are very bright people--mature intelligent--"
    FRIDAY: "And high-principled."
    MOBLEY: "That's right."
    FRIDAY: "What was that one about materialism?"
    MOBLEY: "We've rejected material values."
    FRIDAY: "Oh, yeah. Well, what are you going to do when the batteries run down?"
    MOBLEY: "We've got a generator."
    FRIDAY: "And when there's no more gas?"
    MOBLEY: "OK. So we won't listen to the radios."
    WAGNER: "That's not vital!"
    GANNON: "But food is. And you'll run out of it sooner than you think. Then you figure you'll start eating wild goat. Well, it's not prime rib. But maybe you'll acquire a taste for it. You'd better--three times a day. What'll you do when you run out of ammunition?" MOBLEY: "We'll figure it out."
    GANNON: "Or haven't you thought that far ahead? I hope you have, because if you haven't you'll starve to death.
    "Maybe you'll explain to me how you'll survive without $4000 of someone else's property. And I call that pretty material. Where does that leave your principles?"
    FRIDAY: "I'm listening. The only principle you've rejected is paying for it. And that makes you just what you're afraid you'll be called: common garden-variety thieves."
    MOBLEY: "You just don't understand."
    FRIDAY: Maybe we do, son. Don't think you have a corner on all the virtue vision in the country or that everyone else is fat and selfish and yours is the first generation to come along that's felt dissatisfied--they all have, you know, about different things; and most of them didn't have the opportunity and freedoms that you have.
    "Let's talk poverty. In most parts of the world, that's not a problem, it's a way of life. And rights? They're liable to give you a blank stare because they may not know what you're talking about.
    "The fact is, more people are living better right here than anyone else ever before in history. So don't expect us to roll over and play dead when you say you're dissatisfied. It's not perfect, but it's a great deal better than when we grew up: a hundred men standing in the street hoping for one job; selling apples on the street corner-- that's one of the things we were dissatisfied about; and you don't see that much anymore..."
    GANNON: "You're taller, stronger, healthier, and you live longer than the last generation; and we don't think that's altogether bad. You've probably never seen a 'Quarantine' sign on a neighbor's door. Diphtheria, scarlet fever, whooping cough--probably none of your classmates are crippled with polio. You don't see many mastoid scars anymore.
    "We've done quite a bit of fighting all around the world. Whether you think it was moral or not a lot of people are free to make their own mistakes today because of it. And that may just include you."
    FRIDAY: "I don't know; maybe part of it's the fact that you're in a hurry. You've grown up on instant orange juice. Flip a dial--instant entertainment. Dial seven digits--instant communication. Turn a key--push a pedal-instant transportation. Flash a card--instant money. Shove in a problem--push a few buttons--instant answers.
    "But some problems you can't get quick answers for, no matter how much you want them.
    "We took a little boy into Central Receiving Hospital yesterday; he's four years old. He weighs eight-and-a-half pounds. His parents just hadn't bothered to feed him. Now give me a fast answer to that one--one that'll stop that from ever happening again.
    "And if you can't settle that one, how about the 55,000 Americans who'll die on the highway this year? That's nearly six or seven times the number that'll get killed in Vietnam. Why aren't you up in arms about that? Or is dying in a car somehow moral?
    "Show me how to wipe out prejudice. I'll settle for the prejudices you have inside yourselves. Show me how to get rid of the unlimited capacity for human beings to make themselves believe they're somehow right--and justified--in stealing from somebody, or hurting somebody...and you'll just about put this place here out of business!"
    GANNON: "Don't think we're telling you to lose your ideals or your sense of outrage. They're the only way things ever get done. And there's a lot more that still needs doing. And we hope you'll tackle it.
    "You don't have to do anything dramatic like coming up with a better country. You can find enough to keep you busy right here.
    "In the meantime, don't break things up in the name of progress or crack a placard stick over someone's head to make him see the light. Be careful of his rights. Because your property and your person and your rights aren't any better than his. And the next time you may be the one to get it.
    "We remember a man who killed six million people--and called it social improvement."
    FRIDAY: "Don't try to build a new country. Make this one work. It has for over four hundred years; and by the world's standards, that's hardly more than yesterday."
    (Mobley, Coughlin, and Wagner look down, glum and defeated)
    GANNON: "Now we want to know the names of those who were in this with you and we want to know where you've stashed all the things you've stolen."
    MOBLEY: "OK. But it was a beautiful notion--that's all I can say."
    FRIDAY: "Yeah, son--that's all you can say."
    Laissez les bon temps rouler! Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.** a 4 day work week & sex slaves ~ I say Tyt for PRESIDENT! Not to be taken internally, literally or seriously ....Suki ebaynni IS THAT BETTER ?

  10. #62
    Jolie Rouge's Avatar
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    Oct 2000
    Lan astaslem !
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    Clean is Sexy and 58 Other Bits of Advice for Sons

    If your life is filled with boys staring into the precipice of adulthood, stay right here, read on and then give us your thoughts. Here is what Mary Dell and I might say to our nearly grown sons…if they ever start listening.

    1. Having good friends is a blessing. Being a good friend is obligatory.

    2. Females have a better sense of smell, need I say more?

    3. Covering your tracks reveals a faulty character. Real men own up to their mistakes, apologize and try to put things right.

    4. Do not photograph your private parts. The picture will end up in your grandmother’s Facebook feed and I promise you, you do not want to go there.

    5. You are not what you eat, or what you drive or where you live. You are you. And if that is not working out for you, changing your diet or car or home will not fix the problem.

    6. Clean is sexy. Thoughtful is sexy. Being blindingly drunk is pathetic.

    7. Video games may not make you violent, but they certainly do not make you a better son, student or friend. Play them sparingly.

    8. Sleep will not solve all of your problems, but not sleeping will create new ones.

    9. Make the home page on all your devices. You will be smarter for it.

    10. Junk food is for teenagers, by the time you are twenty you will find your body wants real food. Give it what it needs.

    11. Playing sports will make you happy and healthy. Keep games in your life.

    12. Choosing a spouse is the most important decision you will ever make, do not let your heart ignore your head, nor vice versa.

    13. If you are shopping for clothes and wondering if you are the kind of guy who can get away with a certain trendy style, then you most certainly are not.

    14. Saving a few dollars on a bad haircut is something you will regret instantly.

    15. Your girlfriends, the women who befriend you, love you, and will never sleep with you, will be some of the most important people in your life. Treat them beautifully.

    16. Never let your siblings down, they are irreplaceable. They will be your longest friendship in life and, one day, will be the only people who remember your childhood.

    17. When you have the nagging feeling that your parents would disapprove of what you are about to do, pause, make sure you are completely sure you have answered for yourself all the questions they would ask. Then proceed, using your own judgment.

    18. Your 20s are the time to discover your tolerance for risk, don’t pass up the opportunity.

    19. Spend the extra few dollars to buy decent shampoo. And deodorant.

    20. Own two perfectly pressed white shirts. You never know when a job interview or a girlfriend’s parents will arrive.

    21. Own lots of underwear, it will ultimately determine your laundry schedule.

    22. If you sleep with a girl, contact her the next morning, even if it is just an emoticon. And if you even think of pretending you don’t know her, envision my face.

    23. Buy gifts for Valentine’s Day, birthdays, and any other special occasion that arises. Little nothings, bought with care and thought, go a long way to making a woman feel like she is on your mind. However, if she shows a hint of disappointment that you did not spend more money, drop her.

    24. When you get the chance, be the kind of boss, teacher, father and friend that you had, or wish you had.

    25. Finish what you start. That goes for tubes of toothpaste, expensive entrees, and commitments you have made to others and yourself.

    26. You are only as good as your word, anyone who says otherwise has proved my point.

    27. Technology will not make you happy. The people it connects you with will. Do not confuse the two.

    28. When a woman sets out to change you, head for the hills, unless it is on matters of hygiene, exercise or diet, then hear her out.

    29. Your manners will say everything about you and will reflect on your parents every day. Don’t make us look bad.

    30. Life will disappoint you. People will disappoint you. You will disappoint yourself. That’s why you have parents, to help you deal with those disappointments.

    31. Piercings for men will go out of style, if they haven’t already. Don’t be fooled into believing otherwise.

    32. Aspirin, water and black coffee solve a multitude of problems. Either together or apart.

    33. When clothes shopping with a woman do not tell her that she looks great in everything, it destroys your credibility. Do not tell her that she looks terrible in something, it destroys your relationship. Tell her what makes her look great, it is a message that few women tire of hearing.

    34. If your friends are jerks, you will not be far behind. Choose wisely.

    35. Be nice to your parents, it will be a long time before you can afford your own ski vacation.

    36. Answer your mother’s texts promptly, or as long as you want her to keep paying your cell phone bill.

    37. With shoes, quality always wins over quantity. Ditto suits.

    38. Toothbrushes do not last forever.

    39. Learn to swing a golf club, shoot a pool cue and cast a fishing rod, it will come in handy.

    40. Do not ever use your physical size to intimidate anyone, male or female, unless it is in an organized game of sport. If you do, I will send you back to the cave where you belong.

    41. Drugs will make you stupid, waste your money, introduce you to people you do not want to know, get you in trouble with the law, and become a habit you might find hard to break. Am I clear?

    42. Smile in all photos and show your good side, you never know where the picture will end up.

    43. If you get a rash or a cut or a burn, photograph it and text it. Moms diagnose, even digitally.

    44. When you come back for a home cooked meal, your old bed and laundry service, remember to bring a good attitude. These things are not your birthright.

    45. Calling your parents for no special reason is always, always a good idea.

    46. If you only share the good and never reveal the bad, no one will really know you.

    47. Never assume anything about another person’s wealth, health or happiness, all too often we are mistaken.

    48. Put the seat down, don’t argue, just do it.

    49. Your girlfriend or wife may be your best friend, and I sincerely hope she is. But living with her will not be like living with your other best friends, behave accordingly.

    50. The Social Network was right, the Internet is written in ink. Remind yourself of that every time you touch a keyboard.

    51. If you think you are ready for children but are not sure, get a dog.

    52. No one is ever completely ready to be a parent, it is always a bit of a leap.

    53. It is best to have children within 50 miles of at least one grandparent. In parenthood, emergencies are the rule rather than the exception.

    54. House gifts will always be remembered and appreciated so never accept a dinner invitation or weekend’s stay without a small token of gratitude.

    55. Soon enough you will be in a position to help those younger than you. Offer a hand up quickly and generously.

    56. Remember that you are a product of your upbringing and schools. Show gratitude and loyalty for the teachers and institutions from which you graduated.

    57. Check your mail! As old-fashioned as it may seem, there are some letters that must be opened. Letting things pile up only creates nasty past due surprises. Grappling with paperwork is one of adulthood’s biggest but unavoidable headaches.

    58. Be the kind of person others turn to with their troubles. People in pain seek out those with good hearts.

    Some moms pine for girls. They spend decades grieving for the daughter they never had. Thanks to you, I was never one of them.

    Readers…Please tell us, what did we miss??
    Laissez les bon temps rouler! Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.** a 4 day work week & sex slaves ~ I say Tyt for PRESIDENT! Not to be taken internally, literally or seriously ....Suki ebaynni IS THAT BETTER ?

  11. #63

    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Tampa, Florida
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    My favorite quote?

    “Oh yes, the past can hurt. But you can either run from it, or learn from it.”

    – Rafiki, from The Lion King

  12. #64

    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Tampa, Florida
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
    "I know what I have to do now, I’ve got to keep breathing because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?"

    – from Cast Away

  13. #65

    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Tampa, Florida
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
    “The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all.”

    – The Emperor, from Mulan

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