Any suggestions for helping caregivers?

[kjwent]

I live in SC. My best friend for over 40 years lives in CT. Her husband has recently been diagnosed with dementia and the doctor has said he shouldn't be driving. But he is not always confused, so at this point she lets him drive to get a haircut or stop at the grocery store, but she does most of the driving. She cannot leave the house for any length of time without him, he calls her in a panic because he can't find things. So she has begun to feel like a hermit. Her son lives in Boston, her daughter nearby -- but works full-time.

I don't want to intrude, but does anyone have suggestions for anything I could do to relieve her stress? I'm out of my element here. Especially from long distance. I've never dealt with dementia and I've never had to be a caregiver.

Thanks.

Kathy

[3lilpigs]

I've never dealt the dementia, but I have dealt with Alzheimers. (My grandmother had it).

There's only so much the wife can do before she will have to get some type of professional help. (In home care, or put him in a home.). It's never easy to make that kind of decision, but eventually it will have to be done.

My grandfather insisted that he could take care of my grandmother, and refused to listen to anything anyone said about putting her in a home. At first, things were ok, but then she'd just get up and go out when he would go in the bathroom, or go outside to do some work. She'd just walk away. (He hid the car keys). She'd be gone for hours. She'd always come back on her own, but most of the time we'd have no idea where she went.

One day my after my grandfather had cut the grass in the backyard, he went back into the house to check on her. She had walked off again. This time she left after turning on the gas stove!! (The kind where you had to light it with a match!). Thank GOD the house didn't explode or she didn't drop the match! THAT was the final straw. He knew he had to get help.

Talk to your friend about getting help. Don't let it get that far. He should NOT be driving at all. (Especially if the Dr says so). One accident is all it takes for her to be sued and lose everything.....including him.

If her daughter is nearby, she's going to have to help. She can sign up for the "family medical leave act" at work, so she can take time off without losing her job. (I think that's what it's called).

The only thing I can think of that you can do (other than to talk to her about getting help) is maybe send her some groceries or household items, so she doesn't have to worry about running to the store and leaving him alone. Maybe send some takeout food for lunch or dinner, too?

I'm not even sure how in-home care works anymore. If it's possible to have a careworker go in for one day, perhaps you could help pay for that while she does errands and other things away from the house?

Have someone go in and clean her house. (Merry Maids, Angi's List).

I hope everything works out for them. I hate diseases like this.

[kjwent]

I have tried to suggest that she look into help "for the future" because he's not at the point yet where they could trick him into thinking a babysitter was some new friend that has come to visit. It just seems to come and go -- mostly in the morning. They've switched his meds to later in the morning which seems to have done some good. I looked up things "not to say" to caregivers, which was helpful. You can't say "you should do . . ." because they will feel judged, like they're not doing everything they can. Her daughter is a school teacher, not sure she could get family leave -- especially since they just went back to school.

But I will caution her about his driving, and the possibility of being sued. Not good.

She has a Costco account -- I wonder if Costco does home delivery for repetitive items? I'll have to check.

Thanks for this.

Kathy

[3lilpigs]

Her daughter is a school teacher, not sure she could get family leave -- especially since they just went back to school.




I'm pretty sure (98% sure) that if she gets the proper paperwork filled out and signed by his Dr, that she can't be denied for this program.


Coverage(Q) What types of businesses/employers does the FMLA apply to?
The FMLA applies to all:


public agencies, including local, State, and Federal employers, and local education agencies (schools); and
private sector employers who employ 50 or more employees for at least 20 workweeks in the current or preceding calendar year – including joint employers and successors of covered employers.







Have them check out this website.

https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/fmla

[magickay]

I found this website: https://portal.ct.gov/AgingandDisability/Content-Pages/Topics-A-Z/Area-Agencies-on-Aging

Connecticut State
Department of Aging and Disability Services

And from that site:
Connecticut Statewide Respite Care Program - This program offers information, support, and other services for caregivers of people with Alzheimer’s Disease or related dementias. To apply, contact the Area Agency on Aging in your area by calling 1-800-994-9422 (in CT).

Page that has info on how to apply for services: https://portal.ct.gov/AgingandDisability/Content-Pages/Main/Apply-for-Services

Also on that page:
National Family Caregiver Support Program - This program is designed to give caregivers a variety of services to lean on so they can have support when caring for their loved ones at home. The program was created for family and other unpaid caregivers supporting older individuals, as well as grandparents, older relatives and parents 55 and over of adult children with disabilities. To apply, contact the Area Agency on Aging in your area by calling 1-800-994-9422.

Hope that helps a little.

[kjwent]

Thanks to everyone for the info. I have tried to *gently* pass these on to my friend whenever she's talking about having a bad day. Recently her husband's dr changed the timing of taking the medications. This seemed to help. Also, reinforced the need for exercise, reading and doing puzzles to keep stimulated. Keeping fingers crossed that these things work at maintaining his level of functionality.

Kathy