in need of some support..

[june5917]

Hey everyone on bbf..my names June and here is my story..

This is a very personal and sensitive subject but I need someone to talk to.

I am 26 years old and 26 weeks pregnant and going through the worst withdrawal of my life..
I have always suffered from severe back pain up untill about 3 years ago I just suffered..then I got health insurance...after my daughter was born my doctor put me on 90 10/325 Hydrocodones a month (among other things) and for once in my life I was pain free.. if any of you have been on them you know how they make you feel. Give you energy make you feel great. Little did I know every day my body was becoming more and more dependent on them. I have degenerative disk disease spinal stenosis and bulging disks..days I can't walk....but here I am day 5 COMPLETELY narcotic free and its been one of the hardest things in my life. I realized I was not only taking them for pain but to feel normal. My obgyn knows I'm on them. But I am dependent on them and I refuse..refuse to do this to myself or my family anymore. My question is has anyone else been here? How do I get rid of the constant thought of knowing this little pill will make me feel better? I don't have anymore and refuse to get more but emotionally I'm a mess..still trying to put a happy face for my daughter. If I don't. Stop now where will I be in 3 more years? I'm determined to do this for myself and my kids..again kind words or advice would be great much love June

[baragabrat]

I was hooked on Valium over 40 years ago so I know a little about how you feel and the very best advice I can give you is to see your doc to get a good recommendation for a good therapist. NOT a psychiatrist but a psychologist. In my opinion psychiatrists are principally pill pushers and you don't need that. Anyhow, I have had very good success with a therapist over the last several years and have gotten to the point within the last year where I don't need him, but if I do feel the need to talk all I have to do is make an appt and he'll see me. It's really good because you can talk about anything and not feel embarrassed to tell him/her exactly how you feel and why you think you might feel that way.

I have to commend your courage to come to a public forum and admit your problem. I know you want your baby to be as healthy as he/she can be, as well as yourself. What does your doc say about you taking the meds? Seems to me if there was any damage to the baby it would have already been done. Sorry to be so blunt. I know you're hooked on pain pills and all and understand the reason you took them but is another way to deal with this? Your back problems are pretty serious and to just live with it without any other help...drugs physical therapy, exercises, etc. is hard. Both my sister and son have severe back problems and it's very very hard. Talk to your doc, see if he thinks you could use a therapist. (I think it can never ever hurt anyone to talk to one!)

[Eyore]

It's good you recognize you have a problem. I think this has happened to a lot of people, the doc gives them pills and then before they know it they are addicted.
Have you talked to any of the doctors about weaning off the pills?
I don't know the risks of the baby involved with you being pregnant. But is there a risk to the baby if you stop suddenly, what are the risks to the baby if you stay on them, besides the baby gets addicted.
If the doc won't help you wean off here is a suggestion on doing it. No I have never been addicted to pills, but at one time I was a smoker. It has been over 20 years since I smoked and to this day I want a cigarette on occasion.
Did you consider weaning off them instead of cold turkey? Instead of the dose you were at try going down to a lower dose. Stay at that dose for a few weeks then cut back again, keep cutting back to you get to the lowest dose, after being on the lowest dose for a few weeks start cutting doses back, say if you normally take 4 a day then cut back to 3 day for a couple of weeks then cut to 2 day for a couple of weeks then 1 day for a couple of weeks then you can try to stop or take one every other day for few days then stop.
Just make sure once you are off the pills that you let doctors know you were addicted and also once you are off them a while you body will not need the dose you were at, so if you do have to go back on them start at a lower dose, you don't want to OD because the dose is to large for you.
Good luck with this, I'm sure this is very hard for you.

[june5917]

Thank you for your kind words and support. I am almost 27 weeks and go to all my prenatal appointments blood work is all good. Sonos are great she is thriving and active. I'm due April 13th. I made the decision to come off them myself..the doc says there fine in moderation..the #1 side effect is she could be born with withdrawal if you take them untill you deliver another reason why I'm stopping. Living with the pain is worth a life not revolved around these meds. I've done p.t MRI's almost anything u can think of with no relief. I've became dependent on them as almost anyone would after 3 straight years..my body needs to reproduce its own serotonin now hence why I feel so down. Its just nice to know I'm not alone.

[baragabrat]

Thank you for your kind words and support. I am almost 27 weeks and go to all my prenatal appointments blood work is all good. Sonos are great she is thriving and active. I'm due April 13th. I made the decision to come off them myself..the doc says there fine in moderation..the #1 side effect is she could be born with withdrawal if you take them untill you deliver another reason why I'm stopping. Living with the pain is worth a life not revolved around these meds. I've done p.t MRI's almost anything u can think of with no relief. I've became dependent on them as almost anyone would after 3 straight years..my body needs to reproduce its own serotonin now hence why I feel so down. Its just nice to know I'm not alone.

And this is a really good reason to talk to a therapist who has an hour (well, actually 50 min) to devote solely to you and what you need to talk about. I am so happy that your baby is doing well and proud of you that you have the courage to 'take care of business' so that she won't be born in withdrawal. But Eyore is right about quitting cold turkey. While quitting cold turkey is good for quitting smoking (which is what I also did ten years ago), quitting drugs cold turkey is not safe. When I withdrew from Valium those years ago I spent a week in the hospital. I'm not suggesting you go to the hospital but I'm just saying I withdrew under a doctor's care. Best of luck with your precious little girl AND your health!

[gmyers]

I think what you're doing is really good too. I wish you the best in what you're trying to do and I'll pray God gives you the strength to succeed and that he'll take your pain away too. And congratulations on our pregnancy.

[june5917]

Thank you :)

[BeanieLuvR]

Hugs and prayers. You are doing the right thing and got some great advice here.

[wobblypops]

No advice from me but we are hear if you ever need to chat and unload on us.

How can someone so young have so much damage to their back already?

[june5917]

Wobbly....it started as a kid maybe 10 when I fell rollerskating...progressively got worse and a lot of my biggest problem stems from my career (nursing ). All of my conditions run throught my family dad aunts uncles cousins etc etc. Been suffering for years and ik w/o surgery its only gonna get worse. Last yr I even lost 100 lbs to get rid of the pressure on my back w/o help...

[wobblypops]

Man that totally sucks. I really do you you find a way to be pain free without some pills.

How are things going with you today?

[june5917]

Hey wobbly today was day 7 and I am feeling a lot better. Still dealing with everything but everyday I have more and more strength and happiness. I keep reminding myself I'm ok. Its a process but I'm so happy w my decision!!!

[SLance68]

Have you considered checking out NA? I know it helped my cousin when she was trying to get off of pain killers. She says it is still a battle some days but other days are good. Sending you prayers.

[gmyers]

Good for youi. Keep taking it one day at a time. I believe God will give you the strength you need.

[wobblypops]

Good to hear! But, what will you be doing for pain? Have you considered actupuncture?

[june5917]

Hey everyone day 8..and I feel FANTASTIC!!!! Actually now that I have gotten off thoes heavy pain killers just regular ole tylenol is working great. I'm still in pain everyday but there's a lot worse out there than I. I have an appt w my ob tomorrow boy is she getting a ear full lol. And I signed up for therapy. I start that. Thursday.. its amazing what a week of healing your body does. Thank you again to everyone on bbf for your kind words n support. Ill try to post everyday

[Eyore]

I'm glad you are doing so well with this. Not everyone can do it so give yourself a pat on the back for me. Hope you have continued success with this and stay happy.
What kind of therapy did you sign up for? I'm going to assume it is for the withdrawal of the pain pills.

[june5917]

Hey eyore and everyone else. Yes I signed up to talk to a counciler about everything hoping some advice from a professional will help. Feeling kinda down right now just being hard on myself but this too shall pass

[Eyore]

Oh good, I was sure what you meant by a therapist, I was thinking it could have been physical therapy for your back.
I think depression may go with the withdrawl of the medicine. Try to think of the some goods things and your baby and maybe that will help.

[baragabrat]

Hey eyore and everyone else. Yes I signed up to talk to a counciler about everything hoping some advice from a professional will help. Feeling kinda down right now just being hard on myself but this too shall pass

Very wise decision. I'm hoping you don't expect answers right away. It's a process and takes time. I go tomorrow myself, having come up with some problems I can't deal with on my own and which I really don't care to discuss with my friends. Friends are good listeners but they let you get away with murder while my therapist holds me accountable and that's exactly what I need! Best of luck to you! :D

[sunflowers]

June , what city are you in , in NY?

Sending hugs your way!

[june5917]

Upstate NY Auburn area :-)

Today is day 10!!!! Feeling mentally drained. Guess this is normal but I wanna get back to being me!!

[Eyore]

One day at a time, it will get better.

[wobblypops]

You're going to have a lot of ups & downs. Just me, I went through something like your problem, only mine was cocaine & speed. There's going to be days where all you'll want to do is cry because you want it so bad. That would be a good day to have some kind of support system with a couple of close friends. They don't need to lecture you or try to pick your brain though, they just need to keep you busy.

[june5917]

Hey everyone update day 13 is almost over and I'm feeling good. Substained a pretty bad back flare up about 3 days ago and this morning I could not walk. Rushed to the er and got a referral for a really good back doc who treats a pregnant woman. Feeling strong and in control. I actually don't even think about them damn pills all that much..just taking it a day @ a time

[pepperpot]

Have you tried massages, chiropractor, yoga, acupuncture or just stretching? My back bothers me every so often and these have really helped me....better than the drugs they wanted me to take daily. :agree

[baragabrat]

I hope you're still doing really well, June. How is that new doc working for you?

[mosdata1]

June, you sound like you are doing very well.

You are a strong woman.

[gmyers]

Thats really good news. Keep doing what you're doing and good luck.