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Jolie Rouge
06-30-2011, 05:40 PM
Mother-in-law sends worst email ever to bride: forgivable? editor
by Piper Weiss, Shine Staff, 5 hours 3 minutes ago

New term: mom-zilla. We know all about temporary bridal insanity, and the underreported groom version, but in some families, it’s the parents who are seized by irrational wedding meltdowns.

Last month, 60-year-old British florist and total mom-zilla, Carolyn Bourne attacked. After her stepson’s bride-to-be, Heidi Withers, was a guest in her house she had a thing or two to teach her before she entered the Bourne family.

So Bourne sent the 29-year-old a soul-crushing email. The subject line: “Your lack of manners.” The bullet points for the bride, in paraphrase: her wedding is going to be tacky, she’s too picky of an eater, her sense of humor sucks, and her stepson is making a dreadful choice in marrying her. And one more thing: her out-of-work parents are cheap.

When Withers received the email (Bourne sent it three times to be sure) she did what anyone would do: she forwarded it to a few friends to share in the shock. What was the alternative —respond with a 'frowny' face? But instead of simply offering advice, some anonymous friend got pro-active and forwarded Bourne’s e-attack, launching a viral sensation in a matter of hours. Now everyone in the Western Hemisphere has laid eyes on Bourne’s email.

In a way, it’s the ultimate revenge on a mother-in-law who needed to be put in her place after such power-mongering. But it’s not going to make for smooth wedding. Bourne has been labeled the mother-in-law from hell by media outlets and Withers’ father Alan has fueled the fire by publicly calling Bourne “Miss fancy pants." Now parents on both sides of the couple are fueding and nobody's manners are in check.

Suggestion for Heidi and Freddie, her groom: elope.

Bourne has told London's Telegraph she still plans to attend the wedding, but will maintain a "dignified silence." She may know about English etiquette but she’s clueless about the cardinal rule of the Internet: never send an email you don’t want the world to see. You almost have to feel bad for the lady, mom-zilla or not. That is, until you read the actual email she sent Withers. Here’s an excerpt:


from: Carolyn Bourne
to: heidi withers
subject: your lack of manners

Here are a few examples of your lack of manners:

When you are a guest in another's house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat - unless you are positively allergic to something.

You do not remark that you do not have enough food.

You do not start before everyone else.

You do not take additional helpings without being invited to by your host.

When a guest in another's house, you do not lie in bed until late morning in households that rise early - you fall in line with house norms.

You should never ever insult the family you are about to join at any time and most definitely not in public. I gather you passed this off as a joke but the reaction in the pub was one of shock, not laughter.

You regularly draw attention to yourself. Perhaps you should ask yourself why. No one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity style behaviour.

I understand your parents are unable to contribute very much towards the cost of your wedding. (There is nothing wrong with that except that convention is such that one might presume they would have saved over the years for their daughters' marriages.)

If this is the case, it would be most ladylike and gracious to lower your sights and have a modest wedding as befits both your incomes.

One could be accused of thinking that Heidi Withers must be patting herself on the back for having caught a most eligible young man. I pity Freddie.

Ouch. There's no denying it's harsh, but if you've ever been in the line of fire in a wedding party, you know marriage anxieties strike darkness in the hearts of man.

What do you think: Is this mom's email forgivable?


8884 Comments :lol:

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/mother-in-law-sends-worst-email-ever-to-bride-forgivable-2504517/

jasmine
07-01-2011, 07:46 PM
I think it's pretty dang funny myself.
Some of the things she says is true though, about table manners. Maybe she didn't have to say it, but it is..

justme23
07-02-2011, 10:07 PM
I'm not sure I would have sent an email... but technically what she says is true... and if the bride thought for one minute that I would foot the bill alone for a wedding in a castle when HER parents couldn't really contribute... well that just wouldn't happen... ever.

Jolie Rouge
07-03-2011, 09:46 AM
If the bride is 29 - and I would assume the groom is about the same age - they should pay for their OWN wedding plans. The days of the brides parents paying for the wedding was appropriate when the bride went from her parents keeping to her husbands' - with no job or job prospects beyond "full time wife and mother". If you are two ADULTS getting married ... then act like adults and pay your own way. If the parents want to - or can afford to - contribute; then it is a gift.

I have a niece who is 28, never been married but has two childen by two different men; she wants to get married with a BIG frou-frou no exspense spared extravaganza. Sadly, she has no job, the groom has no job.... and she is furious that my brother won't to pay for it. She is refusing to get married if she can't have what the Wedding Of Her Dreams. ( I think her new beau should run ... if her attitiude is I wan't get married to you if I can't have my way ... does not bode well. JMHO )


That being said... good manners and ettiquete is also about making other people feel comfortable ... not a club to beat someone over the head with.... the idea that she took such care in picking out and pointing out all the flaws in her guest is - in itself - bad manners.

justme23
07-03-2011, 04:42 PM
I agree... if you're grown and already playing house... then they should pay their own way... I have a cousin who did that... lived w/ her now husband for over 10 years before he agreed to finally marry her... and she had a huge wedding that she guilted her father (stepmom through the father) in to paying for. It was hideous, she had 8 brides maids and 8 grooms men... ppl she thinks are her friends but wouldn't be around if she didn't have drugs... I can assure you of that. I don't even wanna know what it cost them.

You know, if I had to choose between the bad manners of the woman in the article and the bad manners of my cousin... I'd choose the woman in the article... bad manners and all. Maybe momzilla should count her lucky stars that she's only getting a "brat".