This is very nosy on my part.

[buglebe]

I knew my friend didn't have much money and lived on a tight budget. But I want to know more and I don't know how to find out. She qualifies for $16 month in food stamps. Is that enough information for someone to tell me approximately what her monthly or yearly income is or would you have to know a lot more information? How can I anonousmously give her money on a monthly bases?

[VALENA-)45]

ask her, and then offer the support you want to give her on the down low. if she won't tell you or says no thank you, leave the money in her purse or somewhere else she'll find it. or take some food over to her house and leave it on the door step. good luck.

[gmyers]

Thats what someone used to do for my sister. She'd find rolled up change or money in a chair under her carport and had no way to tell who gave it. She never did find out who it was. Or bags of stuff because she had a lot of garage sales to make bill money.

[buglebe]

She has too much pride . To tell me what she did I had to pry it out of her. She always says let's change the subject. Yes I could try putting money in her purse. Thank you for that idea.

[Faithfully]

I would send what ever you felt comfortable with in sending anonomously to her in the mail?

[prcsanglas]

My thought was a prepay card and reload it every month. Send gift cards in the mail. If not home slide the envelope under her door with cash in it.

[Kelsey1224]

I don't think it is any of your business how much she has or doesn't have. She is obviously in need and embarrassed by it. That you want to help is very sweet and generous of you. The suggestions already given are good ones. You can sneak her the money without her knowing and without you knowing any details about her personal finances. One isn't dependent on the other. Bless you for wanting to help her.

[SLance68]

You are very sweet to want to help your friend. Just please DO NOT mail cash. I really like the idea of slipping it in a envelope under her door - that way it is anonymous and she will not know if it was you doing it. Leaving it in her purse she will probably catch on fast as to who is leaving her money.

[DAVESBABYDOLL]

You can also mail her a gift card anonymously for her to use at a grocery store in her area.

[jasmine]

yeah, you were saying that she only gets $16 a month in foodstamps, I know alot of grocery stores have gift cards that you can only use at the grocery store, that is.... if you want your money to go where it counts when you give it, and know it's going where it should be used.

Does she have kids?

[freeby4me]

Something else that may help would be something like a pre-paid phone card so she could call family long distance if she doesnt live by them.
You could always play it off like its a reward for surveys you do and you just cant really use them.

[buglebe]

No it isn't any of my business. That is why I will not ask her. She is embarrassed about it but she has said more to me than to anyone else.
She left it open for me to ask but I didn't when the opportunity was there. As for as being nosy, I don't think there is anyone alive who hasn't wondered about something that was none of their business.
I do know she got the doll for her great granddaughter she wanted because I bought it and wouldn't let her pay me for it. This is the best friend I've ever had in my entire life. We've been friends for thirty plus years.

[littlered1]

You are very sweet for wanting to help. The gift cards for food is a great idea. I would take her food if it was me. My friends that have been friends that long are like family, so I would just take food in for lunch, make both of you a plate and put everything extra away for her in her cupboards and fridge.
I can't even imagine trying to eat on 16 a month!
I also can't imagine being friends that long and not being able to talk about everything.

[hblueeyes]

Here is an easy way to get her to allow you to help. Act insulted. How dare you not allow me the pleasure in helping my best friend for 30+. It pains me when I know you need and you refuse to let me help you. Ask her how she could treat you like that. Years ago when I had a few extra dollars and my friend of 45 years was really struggling she would not let me help. I used reason and common sense. Then I got all indignent and so as not to offend me, she took my help. Now she is helping me by lunches and some extras that I cannot afford.

[Taterbo]

I have an elder neighbor lady here I help out...When the stores have a B1G1 --I give her the extras plus I add in things I know she likes or will use...She has a car also..and I get my hubby to come over and change the oil when needed at no costs to her...

That was very nice of you to buy the gift for her grandchild.

[buglebe]

Thanks everyone. There have been some beautiful suggestions. I think I am going to ask her right out and see where we get. I'm also going to act indignant (I feel that way) that she won't let me help. Maybe she will. I think I will get her an angel food box each month. Thanks all.

[moonie604]

If it were me, I'd just quietly help out without pressing her for details. It's really nice of you to care so much about her, but some people just can't swallow their pride (maybe she's like that).

I truly hope that you can find some way to help her out ... there are a lot of excellent suggestions in this thread.

[Kelsey1224]

No it isn't any of my business. That is why I will not ask her. She is embarrassed about it but she has said more to me than to anyone else.
She left it open for me to ask but I didn't when the opportunity was there. As for as being nosy, I don't think there is anyone alive who hasn't wondered about something that was none of their business.
I do know she got the doll for her great granddaughter she wanted because I bought it and wouldn't let her pay me for it. This is the best friend I've ever had in my entire life. We've been friends for thirty plus years.

Of course I've wondered about other people's business, but I try to mind my own. I guess I responded the way I did to your OP was because it sounded like you were more interested in finding out her business than it asking for ways to help her. You are a dear friend for wanting to help her...but don't need to know about her finances to do that.

I do like the suggestion to be 'indignant'...that's a great one! I also think buying a treasure box for her is good as well. We buy one for my son and DIL every month.