saw my neighbors husband out with another woman

[buglebe]

This is something I always hoped would never happen to me. I ran into my neighbors husband out with another woman. My husband was with me. We had gone 75 miles from home to eat at a restaurant we had heard about. And here he walks in. I turned my back and tried to not see them or have them see me. They were affectionate with each other, I did see that much, so it wasn't a business meeting. I know he tells her a lot he has to go out on business dinners. Anyway , just to make it worse, he and I start out of the restaurant at the same time we happened to look up eye to eye. Now what do I do? I am thinking I am going to do nothing. I once told a friend of mine that her daughter , then 14, was smoking pot. She told her daughter and came back and told me , no she wasn't. I don't think anything anyone says will change my mind but I am curious what yall think.

[stresseater]

Personally, I'd tell because I would want someone to tell me if that happened. JMHO

[ahippiechic]

Personally, I'd tell because I would want someone to tell me if that happened. JMHO

Yeah that. I'd tell because I would want to be told. Be prepared tho, she might end up pissed at YOU instead of him. Sometimes people are weird.....

[BeanieLuvR]

I'd definitely want to know if it was me so yes I'd tell her. I did have something similar happen to me. I found out my best friend's huband was having a longterm affair. He was telling his wife he was on the road trucking when he was actually getting back into town and staying at his girlfriend's house. He had cheated before and swore it would never happen again then did that. Everyone was talking about it and how he was making a fool out of her. I told her and she found out it was true. She didn't get mad at me because she knew I had her best interest at heart. Mind you this guy treated her like crap to begin with. Always putting her down. She divorced him and remarried the nicest guy. He treats her like a queen. As far as I'm concerned her finding out and dumping the jerk was the best thing to happen to her.

[DAVESBABYDOLL]

Be prepared for a neighbor war. Basically it's a "mind your own" type of deal. If you feel the need to tell, then tell, but you will be the bad guy. If you want drama with your neighbors, have at it.

[n2space]

I believe people should know the truth so they can deal with the problem, but it's awkward because some get mad at the messenger. They don't want face the fact that something is happening. But, as I said, it's best to face it and deal with it so your life can be better.

[gmyers]

Are ya'll really close friends? If you're just on speaking terms and not close I don't think I'd tell her. But if ya'll are close to each other then yes I would. It would be hard to do but I would.

[candygirl]

Knowing that you saw him , I'm sure that he has already gone and told his wife that he saw you & your dh at the restaurant "WHILE" he was having one of his business meeting dinner .

[Breezin]

Yeah that. I'd tell because I would want to be told. Be prepared tho, she might end up pissed at YOU instead of him. Sometimes people are weird.....

That's what I was gonna say

[whatever]

I would def tell. If it were me I would want to know.
She may get mad at you. Which technically makes no sense at all. However for some reason people seem to get mad at the wrong people in those situations rather than their significant other who is the one to blame. In the end however if she finds out you knew and didn't tell her it might be worse.
JMHO

[justme23]

You don't have to tell her directly. Just send her a letter. It's not like you don't know her address!

[SHERY123]

if she finds out he is going to think it YOU since YOU saw him anyway ...

[jasmine]

If you care for her, or are friends etc.. I would tell, but it would be wierd, because if you tell her, her husband is going to know that it was you that told her.
Maybe I would just say somethin' like, I heard you need to keep an eye on your husband, the word is..... I don't know, it all depends on your relationship with this woman.
But if I found out that my DH was cheating on me, and my friend knew about it the whole time, and didn't tell me, I would most definitly be pissed at her, that would be like breaking the friendship.

[hotwheelstx]

Just be prepared like someone stated on here for "War Of The Neighbors". In my 20's my mom's neighbor was having a fling w/the guy that lived right next door to them. I'm not sure how the husband found out....no one in the neighborhood really knew anything about it....you didn't see them together, not at each others home and so on.

Well, the husband found out and there was a shootout (literally) right there in the cul-de-sac where my mother lived. No one got hurt but police were called and people taken to jail. The woman went back to her husband and the neighbor guy moved away. I'll never forget that as long as I live. I was visiting my mom one weekend when this all happened.

I personally would tell her. I think she has the right to know and to make her own decisions on what to do. Some people don't believe it at first...until it keeps happening.

If you're hesitant to do it in person like someone suggested write her a note/letter and explain the circumstances upon which you saw this man w/another woman. You do have the proof since your husband was w/you when it happened. If she still doesn't believe it.....leave it alone....it's her business.

Good luck whatever you decide to do.

[baragabrat]

Yeah that. I'd tell because I would want to be told. Be prepared tho, she might end up pissed at YOU instead of him. Sometimes people are weird.....


I totally agree. If you do decide to tell her then YOU have to pay the consequences of her anger because YOU were the one to burst her bubble. (I know you have already decided, but if you happen to change your mind...if you two are good neighbors then she would take it out on you and probably ruin your relationship, but she deserves to know what an low-down ass her husband is.)

[jasmine]

also

you said your husband was with you, did he notice? I mean, does he know your neighbor, and what does he think about it?

[Quaker_Parrots]

also

you said your husband was with you, did he notice? I mean, does he know your neighbor, and what does he think about it?

I was just thinking the same thing...

[Willow]

I wouldn't tell her unless she was a really good friend of mine. Sometimes it's better to keep quiet about stuff like that.

[Memedav]

I would definitely want to know and I say tell her. If you want to stay somewhat removed from it, I agree with others who say just send her a anonymous letter or something along those lines. I would give details in the letter, such as where you saw him, name of restaurant, town, etc. That way she can do what she wants with the info. It may confirm what she already suspects and hopefully she will follow him and see it with her own two eyes.

[pepperpot]

If you care for her, or are friends etc.. I would tell, but it would be wierd, because if you tell her, her husband is going to know that it was you that told her.
Maybe I would just say somethin' like, I heard you need to keep an eye on your husband, the word is..... I don't know, it all depends on your relationship with this woman.
But if I found out that my DH was cheating on me, and my friend knew about it the whole time, and didn't tell me, I would most definitly be pissed at her, that would be like breaking the friendship.

I would not say that, it leaves the impression that people are gossiping and talking about them and it's all over town. (and that I was included in gossiping as well)

I'd let her think it was private (not all over town) to save her some dignity. She'll appreciate not feeling humiliated by all to see.

[lucimPI]

Had it been me, I would have walked right up to him and said hello and acted like I thought nothing of it or and sort of put the ball in HIS court and listen to what he was going to say to you. It also would have made him worry on whether you were going to tell his wife or what story He would have to tell his wife. I had this happen to me and that is exactly what I did. I just acted so innocent and said, WOW, we can't go anywhere that we don't run into someone from home. Where is - and i mentioned his wife's name? He sputtered and turned red and just did not know what to do. He eventually told his wife and she booted him out. His wife asked me and I just said, I just figured he was with someone on business and I did ask where you were. Never dawned on me to even think he was with a girlfriend. This is weird but I am still friends with both of them.

[buglebe]

also

you said your husband was with you, did he notice? I mean, does he know your neighbor, and what does he think about it?

Yes my husband knows this neighbor. They've been living across the street from us about 15 years. He wants me to stay out of it. But who knows, men do tend to stick together. We live on a dead in street. There are 4-5 of us women who get together maybe once a month for coffee, not always the same 4 or 5, and sometimes we just gather in one of the yards. This couple is about 10 yrs younger than us. I am begining to think our neighborhood is a little Peyton Place. We have been in this house about 36 years and in that time there have been a number of "situations". But this is the first time I have been an actual witness to any of it. At this time, I still intend to keep quiet. If she were to say to me that she thought her husband was cheating, then I might tell her or if I knew he had gotten caught another time, I might confirm it. At this time, I just don't think she even suspects because like I said before , she has told us all before about how many business dinners he has. I do feel torn and I would want someone to tell me but I do know this would cause a mess in the neighborhood. I just hope to heck he doesn't tell her about running into us because I think she would think it strange that we ran into him 75 miles from home and I didn't mention it to her.

[Anniston]

What I would do is mention seeing him in a very casual, passive way. Like, "Hey, I saw Bob at XYZ restaurant in XYZ town while the hubby and I were there to eat. He must have had a meeting there? He seemed to have a good rapport with the woman he had to meet there."

She probably already suspects, and by being so passive, you will not be the bad guy.

[orchidnana]

I don't know if i would tell.Many years ago i caught my BF husband with another women,told the BF and she called me a trouble maker and said i was a lier.

We were friends for 15 years and from that day forward we never talked again.10 later i hear she divorced him,catch him with another women.

So i mind my own business

[Army-Mom]

if it was me I wouldnt tell her as when my first husband was cheating on me no one told me but in my heart I already knew....and of course because of another women which he ended up leaving my daugher and myself but then I found a wonderfull man and have been married going on 28 years.

[sunniekiss]

My EX cheated on me & many people knew and didn't tell me. I was really angry with them for not telling me but then I would have been angry at tem for telling me.
I would probably keep my mouth shut. He will slip-up eventually and get caught however IF you really think she needs to know send her a letter.

Now if I had caught him I would have went right up to them & said "Hi John & Jane...oh wait YOU aren't Jane" & gave him the dagger eyes and walked away. That would make him squirm a bit.

[Hetty]

Tell on the little worm...Send her a letter a text or whatever but I would def tell her,he is using business "meetings"as an excuse to cheat on his wife. I mean why if this was a meeting would he have traveled 75 miles from home to meet this women are there no places closer to home to meet her?
Be compassionate and teel her I am here for you if you need me but I think you should know....and let her know hubby was there as well and seen it (if he did).
GOOD LUCK!

[peaceluver]

I wouldn't tell because I had a friend going through this same thing and everyone that told her about it was the enemy trying to ruin her life. Once they were divorced she asked me why I didn't tell her and I just told her she didn't want to see it while wearing her rose colored glasses and I didn't want to lose a friend.

[Kelsey1224]

This is such a tough one. I was in this situation...and not one friend told me that my husband had hit on them. But, he starting actively pursuing a co-worker of mine. I have no idea how I suspected, but whenever he went missing, I would call her house and ask if, by chance, he was there. She always denied it...but not because of anything she was doing with him...quite frankly he wasn't her type. She didn't tell me because she had a strong loyalty to my mother who had trained her in her job when this co-worker was a single mom trying to get a new start.

Anyway...one day she told me privately that she had told my ex to leave her alone and quit dropping by her apartment. She said she told him that his attentions were unwelcome and that he was putting her in an awkward position. Even though I had thought something had been going on, I was quite frankly stunned...but it was the beginning of the end of our marriage. My husband pleaded for my forgiveness and wanted us to go through marriage counseling. However, he found someone else (while we were in therapy). When we separated for good...all my friends suddenly had a 'story' about how my ex had flirted with them.

At first I was annoyed because I wondered why I hadn't been told. But, after a while, I was glad they had waited. I ultimately found out anyway. While I may have stayed in the relationship a little longer than I should have...when the break was final, I knew it was the right thing.

So, my personal opinion is 'mind your own business'.

However, I would have done what an earlier poster suggested...I would NOT have avoided him when I saw him. I would have gone right up to him and said hi! I would have introduced myself to the 'other woman' and said that I was a friend of the wife.

And, I would have relished watching that worm squirm!!

[dv8grl]

You never know what kind of relationship married people have.
They may have an open marriage.

[jackie227]

I agree with dv8grl, in today's society marriage does not always mean what it did in the past.
Many ppl have an understanding, they look the other way as long as the spouse is coming home and has no plans on leaving.

[gmyers]

Thats sad but I think its true too. People value security over fidelity I think sometimes.

[msmom79]

it just doesnt sound like an open marriage to me,after living there for 10 or 15 years,i am sure the wife would have opened up to the other ladies,or she would have let something slip out,and hoped no-body heard it.
now as for me,i would send a letter.that guy is a dog,and she may get pissed,but she will get over it
And what if he brings her home a desease-come on,everyone,that just wouldnt be fair-i say tell

[tammy77]

Give me her number and I will call her.I am being totally serious.I would call her and flat out tell her.As a woman who has been there done that I feel that I have an obligation to tell someone if thier spouse/SO is cheating on them.

I wish someone would have told me.A part of me wanted to know but the other part didnt.Please tell her.Do it for all the women who wished someone had the balls to tell them.If you cant do it,like I said I will be happy to do it.

[3lilpigs]

I would call her and flat out tell her.As a woman who has been there done that I feel that I have an obligation to tell someone if thier spouse/SO is cheating on them.

I wish someone would have told me.A part of me wanted to know but the other part didnt.Please tell her.Do it for all the women who wished someone had the balls to tell them.If you cant do it,like I said I will be happy to do it.



Yep, I agree with this.

I would be more pissed off if my friends knew and didn't tell me.

If he's out there cheating/having sex and then coming home and having unprotected sex with the wife, God only knows what he's passing along.

Cheating is lying.
Not telling you know he is cheating, is also lying.
That makes you just as bad as him.

[baragabrat]

Yep, I agree with this.

I would be more pissed off if my friends knew and didn't tell me.

If he's out there cheating/having sex and then coming home and having unprotected sex with the wife, God only knows what he's passing along.

Cheating is lying.
Not telling you know he is cheating, is also lying.
That makes you just as bad as him.


I don't think so. This is all on him. God sees what he's doing, so is it also God's fault? But it does take a lot of courage to begin a conversation that could end very badly. (as far as your neighbor and you are concerned...it will definitely end badly for your neighbor....if she believes you.)

[shellysms]

personally, regardless how bad it would hurt. I would want to know.
If he wasn't doing it "hiding"...then why not just go out to eat in the neighborhood...in the same city. I believe the wife has a right to know. You don't have to be harsh.. but I think I would see her and start off something like this. "I know this isn't any of my business, and you can believe me or not, but I saw your husband at XXXX with some woman. It might have been innocent, but woman to woman, I just want you to know" AND she can take it at that.
It's just not right going out messing around, and then coming home to your wife/husband. If your not happy at home...end that relationship before starting another one.

[3lilpigs]

I don't think so. This is all on him. God sees what he's doing, so is it also God's fault? )

You're certainly entitled to your opinion, but my opinion is that if the friend knows and doesn't tell....the friend is not a real friend. The friend is lieing.

If I was the one being cheated on, and my friend knew and I found out, I'm going to be mad at her too. Would I blame God? No. I'd blame my husband and my so called friend.


IMO God knows a lot. Does that mean we are all suppose to sit around and not tell each other things that are wrong?

If you saw someone rob a bank/steal something, would you tell...or would you let it go because God knows??

I'm not making fun of God or anything....I understand what you're saying. (In the end, God will take care of it). But to just sit around and not do anything or say anything because God will take care of it, makes no sense to me.

[baragabrat]

You're certainly entitled to your opinion, but my opinion is that if the friend knows and doesn't tell....the friend is not a real friend. The friend is lieing.

If I was the one being cheated on, and my friend knew and I found out, I'm going to be mad at her too. Would I blame God? No. I'd blame my husband and my so called friend.


IMO God knows a lot. Does that mean we are all suppose to sit around and not tell each other things that are wrong?

If you saw someone rob a bank/steal something, would you tell...or would you let it go because God knows??

I'm not making fun of God or anything....I understand what you're saying. (In the end, God will take care of it). But to just sit around and not do anything or say anything because God will take care of it, makes no sense to me.

I'm not saying that we each don't have a responsibility to ourselves and others but there are occasions when we cannot do what others may deem the 'right thing' for various reasons. Hopefully we will all do what is right for us and others in our lives. But to lay blame to Bugle if she doesn't tell is what I don't agree with. As a rule I don't judge people like that and I feel it is wrong to do so. Even though, in her original post she states, "I don't think anything anyone says will change my mind but I am curious what yall think.", I feel she may be conflicted as to what to do. Hopefully she can do the 'hard thing' but if not, I certainly would not blame her because she may fall short and is just a little bit human.

[littlered1]

Why is it a matter of you telling her or not? Seeing how you know what is going on, just somehow let her "find out on her own". Take her to that restruant at that time, find out who this other lady is and let her be the one to discover the truth. I am sure you can come up with some ways to make this happen. It will distance you from being the bad guy and you can be there for her when she needs you without her ever knowing the truth.

[pepperpot]

I'm curious if you've run into the husband since then...........what was his reaction?

[buglebe]

I'm curious if you've run into the husband since then...........what was his reaction?

He came over Wed afternoon when my husband was in the driveway and talked with him for about 15 min. My husband said it wasn't mentioned. Yes my husband saw him and we talked about it that night on our way home. He still wants me to stay out of it. In all the years here, that husband has never walked over just to chat so I am guessing he wanted to see what my husband would say. But he didn't mention it.

[pepperpot]

Too bad your husband didn't say something to him about putting the both of you in a very awkward position......he probably doesn't care about anything except covering his azz....

[jasmine]

As for the womanly "law", from one woman to another to let them know if her man is cheating on her, I would be sooo pissed like I mentioned before if someone didn't tell me what was going on.

BUT, from your above statement, I also understand the ways of a marriage and can say that you respect your DH enough to not do something that he would wish you not to do. Even though I think it's wrong...... it would perhaps hurt you and your DH's relationship on doing something without agreement.

I wish there was a way you could talk your husband into it though, I really do, that poor woman.... I hope Karma comes and kicks her husband in the ass rather quickly. Perhaps he will get caught soon.

[pepperpot]

I can't help but think he feels 'condoned' by not being ratted out.....what a basturd*. Silence only encourages bad behavior.






*purposely misspelled.

[jasmine]

I don't know about that, hopefully he's sweating bullets cause he knows they have seen him and know about him, hopefully it's making him feel like total crap inside, he knows they know...!! I hope it eats at him.

[buglebe]

As for the womanly "law", from one woman to another to let them know if her man is cheating on her, I would be sooo pissed like I mentioned before if someone didn't tell me what was going on.

BUT, from your above statement, I also understand the ways of a marriage and can say that you respect your DH enough to not do something that he would wish you not to do. Even though I think it's wrong...... it would perhaps hurt you and your DH's relationship on doing something without agreement.

I wish there was a way you could talk your husband into it though, I really do, that poor woman.... I hope Karma comes and kicks her husband in the ass rather quickly. Perhaps he will get caught soon.

My husband has never forbidden me to do anything. He just thinks for my sake I should stay out of it. He knows it would probably result in problems and he knows I would get upset about it. It wouldn't hurt our marriage for me to tell her.

[jasmine]

LOL

I wasn't meaning like you being whipped or something...... I was just meaning that it is nice in marriages when both are in agreement on some subjects etc.. that you respect each other to do/or not to do something. KWIM

[pepperpot]

I don't know about that, hopefully he's sweating bullets cause he knows they have seen him and know about him, hopefully it's making him feel like total crap inside, he knows they know...!! I hope it eats at him.

Perhaps at first...but when he thinks he's in the clear as there has not been any 'negative feedback'.......it's a 'nod' and a wink. He gets away with it...and continues. "close call"

[tngirl]

If the neighbor was a GOOD friend of mine, I would tell. If I didn't know the neighbor that well, I would mind my own business.

[DIRKSWIFE4]

maybe your DH could tell him next time he feels the need to "stroll on over" that either he tells what you saw or you will; maybe given that ultimatium he will come clean. I doubt it but...........
As for maybe it will eat him up; he couldnt have a conscience or he wouldnt be doing this sorta sh$t to his wife and family so NO its NOT gonna bother him; cause him to lose any sleep; hes an a$$ JMO