Marriage memories

[alireza]

I fall in love to one girl in my college since Long ago but I Shame tell to her.:love::love::love:
what's your comment?
If you married , please Describe Marriage memories( or Suitor memory) and It's events, and we can use your Experience.:itsme:

[sunniekiss]

My marriage memory is my EX throwing me down a flight of steps so I am not the best person to answer, sorry.

If you like someone in your class, ask her out to coffee after class to go over class notes. Might break the ice a bit.

[jasmine]

aaah, young love, so grand!

My first husband was my high school sweet heart, so all of my emotions and love were wrapped up in him, my best friend...
I believe the words from the preacher we got married from that I remember the most were, "through success or failure".
But of course, I was a young girl, so I had the image of white picket fences that lasted forever... untill real life slapped me in the face. I came from the thought process of getting married, FOR LIFE......

Always communicate
Be open and share your thoughts and dreams with one another.

I agree though, try talking to her, you will never know untill you try!

[alireza]

My marriage memory is my EX throwing me down a flight of steps so I am not the best person to answer, sorry.

If you like someone in your class, ask her out to coffee after class to go over class notes. Might break the ice a bit.
there is one problem, she dose'nt go out of home without her parent's permit and they diagree it .:banghead:

aaah, young love, so grand!

My first husband was my high school sweet heart, so all of my emotions and love were wrapped up in him, my best friend...
I believe the words from the preacher we got married from that I remember the most were, "through success or failure".
But of course, I was a young girl, so I had the image of white picket fences that lasted forever... untill real life slapped me in the face. I came from the thought process of getting married, FOR LIFE......

Always communicate
Be open and share your thoughts and dreams with one another.

I agree though, try talking to her, you will never know untill you try!

she and me will become doctor and this Issue is enough to have same thoughts.
excuze me ,when did you marry?

[jasmine]

I married in 1992, divorced in 2003

Remarried in 2007, still "legally" married, but separated.

[alireza]

I married in 1992, divorced in 2003

Remarried in 2007, still "legally" married, but separated.

really, why Statistics of divorcing go up ?
in iran people can not disvorce easily becouse Men should pay dowry to his wife for it .
dowry in here usualy is up of " 1000 Gold coins".!!!!!
.
.
.
I wish you Placate with him and start a beatiful life.

[jasmine]

with my first marriage, he wouldn't quit cheating.... and I got tired of it.

now with my second marriage... well, he's just not around and he enjoys the bottle too much.

[alireza]

with my first marriage, he wouldn't quit cheating.... and I got tired of it.

now with my second marriage... well, he's just not around and he enjoys the bottle too much.
are you mean wine bottle?

[jasmine]

yes, alcohol

[sahm2]

Why do her parents disagree? Maybe there is something you could do so that they would agree? Personally when I met my husband I was getting out of a bad relationship and didn't want to go out with anyone and he sort of tricked me into going out with him and we have been married for 15 years with no end in sight :).

[alireza]

Why do her parents disagree? Maybe there is something you could do so that they would agree? Personally when I met my husband I was getting out of a bad relationship and didn't want to go out with anyone and he sort of tricked me into going out with him and we have been married for 15 years with no end in sight :).
I don't known , maybe they thinks I going to bad relationship to him but I do it at all .
they are Suspect me , but I do not know it's reason.

[buglebe]

I married in 63 and we are still married. We were highschool sweethearts.

[sunniekiss]

really, why Statistics of divorcing go up ?
in iran people can not disvorce easily becouse Men should pay dowry to his wife for it .
dowry in here usualy is up of " 1000 Gold coins".!!!!!
.
.
.
I wish you Placate with him and start a beatiful life.


SERIOUSLY???? Paying a dowery & placating someone??? Really???

My EX preferred a bottle of vodka to me so I decided I preferred not being married to him. I put up with him for 25 years & the only thing worse would have been putting up with him for 25 years & 1 day.
I have a career I love, support myself & put my ds through college w/o a dime from his sperm donor.

With that said, you are obviously from a different ethnic background than I am. You can not force someone to accept you & you can not force someone to love you.

You can either choose to fight an uphill battle with her family or you can mov on & find a girl who loves you and a family that embraces you with open heart & arms.

[Kelsey1224]

I've been married twice. With my first husband, I used to worship the ground he slithered on. (It is a joke. I am saying he was a snake and repeatedly cheated on me.)

My second husband is my very best friend and we have been married over 31 years.

[Jenefer3]

Never been married but I came close. Thankfully I came to my senses.

I understand different cultures do things differently when it comes to things like marriage and divorce but honestly, I'm not going to go about placating some guy just so I can put up with him for the rest of my life. He either needs to straighten his crap out or get out. Marriage shouldn't be about putting up with someone.

Have you tried asking her family why they don't like you?

[alireza]

SERIOUSLY???? Paying a dowery & placating someone??? Really???

My EX preferred a bottle of vodka to me so I decided I preferred not being married to him. I put up with him for 25 years & the only thing worse would have been putting up with him for 25 years & 1 day.
I have a career I love, support myself & put my ds through college w/o a dime from his sperm donor.

With that said, you are obviously from a different ethnic background than I am. You can not force someone to accept you & you can not force someone to love you.

You can either choose to fight an uphill battle with her family or you can mov on & find a girl who loves you and a family that embraces you with open heart & arms.
No , I don't force her to love,she is silent but seems she love.
I don't know , maybe not.

Never been married but I came close. Thankfully I came to my senses.

I understand different cultures do things differently when it comes to things like marriage and divorce but honestly, I'm not going to go about placating some guy just so I can put up with him for the rest of my life. He either needs to straighten his crap out or get out. Marriage shouldn't be about putting up with someone.

Have you tried asking her family why they don't like you?

because they belive the " girl and boy relationship" is unlike law.

[DaLilPeachy]

Alireza, If she seems pleased with your attentions, it might be appropriate to discuss your intentions with her parents. If not, it seems you will have to wait until you're in medical school and she is more independent. Until then you can make her a disc of songs, draw her pictures or write her letters (but make sure the content is not objectionable.) A hand picked flower will probably make her very happy.


I think it will be hard for you to find relevant advice here because our culture is so much different but there are a few things that are true for every good relationship.

You must communicate openly with one another, even if you are embarrassed with the topic.

Be patient with each other as much as possible.

Try to be silly together. Laughter brings great healing.

Sometimes you will fight, don't be irrational or critical. It is a LOT of work to keep a relationship healthy, you need to believe it's worth it and remind yourself that it is. Be patient with the "bumps in the road".

Help in the house sometimes. Your brothers and uncles do not have to know and it will make her feel very sweet towards you.

This is general advice, before you can really know if she is the woman you love, you need to speak with her, listen to her, learn about each other, laugh with her and fight with her.

That may seem silly but I think it's the best way to know if your dowry will be well spent.

Good luck

[alireza]

thank you for your advice dear DaLilPeachy, but she is from Religious Family so this relationship is not usual for her .

[sunniekiss]

Okay I think my preceptions are different than what you think. When I say making someone love you, I was more referring that if her parents arrange a marriage for her, while she may marry this man to please her parents, she will never really "love him" in the true sense of love. Does that make more sense to you? I wasn't meaning forcing you to love you.

Are you from the same religious background?

The only advise I can offer is to focus on you & your education & making you the best you can be. Focus on you & love will find a way.

[Kelsey1224]

I just have to respond to the arranged marriage comment. Although this concept seems entirely foreign to us and goes against everything that we have been raised to believe, I have a couple of co-workers (both Indian) who are married to wives their parents picked for them. I've asked them about it in length and they both felt that their parents knew them best and knew who would be a good choice for them as a wife. They absolutely trusted their parents to make the right choice. And, they believed if left to their own devices, they would have picked spouses for themselves for the wrong reasons (lust)...LOL!

I have rarely met couples as devoted as these two men are to their wives and vice versa. They adore each other. The both admit that they weren't 'in love' with their wives when they first married, but that they definitely fell in love with them over time.

So...just because our particular culture doesn't have our parents pick our spouses, don't assume that those people in arranged marriages don't grow to love each other. And I mean...fall in love with each other.

Obviously, there are those couples in this situation that don't work out. It is no different than when we pick our own spouses.

[alireza]

Okay I think my preceptions are different than what you think. When I say making someone love you, I was more referring that if her parents arrange a marriage for her, while she may marry this man to please her parents, she will never really "love him" in the true sense of love. Does that make more sense to you? I wasn't meaning forcing you to love you.

Are you from the same religious background?

The only advise I can offer is to focus on you & your education & making you the best you can be. Focus on you & love will find a way.
I think too focus study is better now and than think it.

I just have to respond to the arranged marriage comment. Although this concept seems entirely foreign to us and goes against everything that we have been raised to believe, I have a couple of co-workers (both Indian) who are married to wives their parents picked for them. I've asked them about it in length and they both felt that their parents knew them best and knew who would be a good choice for them as a wife. They absolutely trusted their parents to make the right choice. And, they believed if left to their own devices, they would have picked spouses for themselves for the wrong reasons (lust)...LOL!

I have rarely met couples as devoted as these two men are to their wives and vice versa. They adore each other. The both admit that they weren't 'in love' with their wives when they first married, but that they definitely fell in love with them over time.

So...just because our particular culture doesn't have our parents pick our spouses, don't assume that those people in arranged marriages don't grow to love each other. And I mean...fall in love with each other.

Obviously, there are those couples in this situation that don't work out. It is no different than when we pick our own spouses.

I belive It is better for woman that don't work out when they marry.

[sunniekiss]

I belive It is better for woman that don't work out when they marry.

Oh hun, no one wins with divorce. While getting a divorce was the best thing I ever did for me emotionally, I will nvere get out of the financial mess my EX put me in.
He is in the end stage of alcoholism, lives with his 85 year old father, doesn't have a job, license or car. He has ZERO relationship with his sons.
Everyone lost in this situation.

[jasmine]

Oh hun, no one wins with divorce. While getting a divorce was the best thing I ever did for me emotionally, I will nvere get out of the financial mess my EX put me in.
He is in the end stage of alcoholism, lives with his 85 year old father, doesn't have a job, license or car. He has ZERO relationship with his sons.
Everyone lost in this situation.

no, you won, just like I did, we both got out. Maybe with some baggage that came along with us, but we both made it out alive!

[pepperpot]

I belive It is better for woman that don't work out when they marry.

This is absolutely false. It is proven that when 2 divorce, a woman's standard of living sharply decreases, especially when there are children involved.

For example.....I stopped working in my career over 14 years ago because we had children. I have stayed home taking care of my children all these years while my DH has furthered himself in his career (his salary increasing as well). Should we divorce, I may or may not get alimony (depending on what state I live) and/or child support....but I must then return to the work force....15 years later. There is no way that I would be earning what I would have been earning had I stayed in my career.

So while a man may have added expenses after a divorce (which would end, should I remarry)...a woman must start from scratch at an older age. The women absolutely get the shorter end of the stick. :agree

ETA: And her credit rating would more than likely be nonexistent since he was the bread winner.

[Anniston]

Obviously, there are those couples in this situation that don't work out. It is no different than when we pick our own spouses.

I belive It is better for woman that don't work out when they marry.

I get the vibe that this poster is trying to say that it is better for a marriage if women don't work outside the home. I could be wrong.

[Kelsey1224]

I belive It is better for woman that don't work out when they marry.

I think you didn't understand the colloquialism I was using. When I said a marriage doesn't 'work out'...what I meant was that the marriage didn't succeed. It didn't make it. It failed.

Now, as to whether women should work outside the home after marriage, I personally think it depends on the financial situation of the family as well as the desire of the woman. Women should NEVER be prohibited from working out of the home if that is their desire. And they certainly shouldn't be prohibited from doing so if the sole reason is that their husband wants to control everything.

I think women today need to find a means to support themselves because you can not count on a man to be there to do it.